Maureen and Her Problem
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: Maureen's got a BIG problem, and the question is: what the hell is she going to do? Nothing without the help of fabulous Angel and Mimi, of course! sexual references and language, and there's character death later on. still, much happy. Pretty AU.
1. Mark, You're The First Lucky Winner!

"_SPEAK..."_

"Mark? Roger? Anyone there? Pick up, please! Can't you fucking pick up the fucking phone for once in your fucking—"

"Maureen?" Mark said groggily, hefting the phone in one hand. He checked the cheap plastic digital clock that sat next to the phone. The luminous numbers read 1:30 am. It wasn't surprising that Maureen was calling in the middle of the night. But what was surprising was the urgent, frightened sound of her usually fun, energetic voice.

"Mark! Thank God! Listen, can I come over there? There's something that I—I just need to talk to someone other than Joanne about something. Please, Mark?"

"Uh…Maureen, are you okay?" Mark rubbed his eyes, desperately trying to wake up.

"Yeah, but _please_ can I come over? I'm begging you, please, Ma—"

"Yeah, fine, fine. Just calm down and come on over."

"Thank you so much, Mark, you have no idea—wait, is Roger there?"

"No, Mimi's."

"Thank God, I'll be there soon, bye!"

"O—" there was a click as she hung up. "—kay." Mark shook his head and ran a hand through his blonde hair. Was Maureen fighting with Joanne again? That would make sense, but the urgency in her voice wasn't "I'm-fighting-with-my-girlfriend-damn-her-eyes" unhappy, but more like "I-don't-have-anyone-else-to-turn-to-help-me" unhappy. He suddenly felt a little more worried. Blinking rapidly, Mark started to change into some jeans and a sweater.

Barely five minutes after her call, Mark heard thundering footsteps racing up the stairs. Moments later, Maureen burst into the loft, her eyes wild. Without pausing, she rushed over to Mark and threw her arms around him. Mark stumbled backwards and almost fell, stunned by her actions. But then he felt her cheek against his. It was wet. She had been crying.

Tentatively, Mark wrapped his arms around her torso, hugging her back. She clung to him, feeling strangely small. When they pulled apart, he saw that her hair was a complete mess and her clothes looked like they had been accidentally selected from Joanne's closet. This was serious.

"God, Mark, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just bang in and do all that," Maureen said quietly. She seemed suddenly subdued, frighteningly quiet. He shook his head and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, just calm down. Here, c'mon over to the couch." She walked zombie-like towards the sofa, while Mark rummaged through the old fridge, searching for something that wasn't rancid or furry.

"Here," he finally said, handing her a diet soda and sitting on the armrest opposite her. It suddenly struck him how weird this was: his ex-girlfriend, who had a) lived in this loft for months, b) dumped him for a woman, and c) never been this quiet or upset since Collins told them all that he had HIV, was sitting on his couch drinking a Diet Coke at 1:30 in the morning. This had to be a dream. But then again, his dreams about Maureen were usually more…different.

"Mark, I am so screwed right now," Maureen said softly. Her eyes were vacant and empty. She raised the can to her lips and chugged it all in one go, her throat practically vibrating.

"Wait, what do you mean? Maureen, what happened to you?" Mark sounded more urgent than he meant to. This was getting really strange.

"I have absolutely no fucking idea how it happened, but…shit, Mark, I'm pregnant." Maureen threw her empty can to the floor and drew her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs.

Mark felt like a sledgehammer had delivered a hardy blow to his brain. Wait. This couldn't be true. Maureen? _Pregnant? _No way. No freaking way. Babies weren't part of her life. Of any of their lives. They didn't wait _babies_! And then a worse thought hit Mark, and he had to swallow twice before voicing it hoarsely.

"Um…Maureen…aren't you a lesbian?"

"Damn it, Mark, _yes!_ That's why this is so messed up. I mean I haven't done anything like…you know…_that_ with a guy since I broke up with you!" Maureen had stood and was pacing now, her head staring at the ground. That was why she didn't notice Mark gulp and turn bright red, and she didn't seem to understand what she had just said either. Whatever she knew and didn't know, she went on.

"How could this happen? I'm not supposed to be pregnant, damn it! Oh shit, I bet it was that party like a month ago, when I got so frickin' drunk that I passed out…" Maureen stopped pacing and turned to face Mark, horrified. "Oh God, what if I _didn't_ pass out, and I got down with some random guy who I didn't even know and then…fuck it all, I don't even know who I really did actually fuck, and now, hey, guess what, I'm pregnant!" She sat down on the couch again and buried her face in her hands, shaking.

Mark, surprising even him, slid off the couch and sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders. She looked up, startled.

"Hey, Maureen, don't worry, it's okay. Yeah, this is a pretty screwed up situation, but me and everyone else is here for you, you know that. We're not going to abandon you, so take it easy. We're gonna help you through this." Mark didn't know where the words he was saying were coming from, but they were obviously the right ones, because Maureen threw her arms around him for the second time that night and started to sob. He held her close, still really numb. His ex-girlfriend, who happened to be a lesbian, was pregnant and sobbing into his shoulder in the middle of the night. If Roger had paraded into the loft dressed as a clown and juggling Mimi, Angel's heels, and a gummi worm, Mark wouldn't have been more surprised.

"Thanks, Pookie," sniffed Maureen, pulling away and smiling shakily. He managed a small smile himself. "Maureen, do you want to stay here tonight? I mean, if you don't wan to go to Joanne's or anything…wait, have you told her yet?"

"Of course not, do you think I would be alive if a had? You're the first person to know." Mark felt funny, like something wet and electrical was climbing up his spine.

"Um…why?"

"Oh, Angel and Collins get twenty times worse than cranky if you wake them up in the middle of the night, and Mimi wasn't answering her phone. Probably making out with Roger or something." Maureen waved the prospect away with her hand. "Anyway, I knew you would listen." Mark felt a little better.

"Still, I think I should get back to Joanne. She'll start World War Three if she finds out that I'm gone." Maureen stood and stretched, obviously feeling a lot better after telling someone her secret. "Thanks, Marky-poo." She kissed his cheek and flounced out, exiting just as suddenly as she had entered. Mark was left staring after her, not sure if that had been a truly bizarre dream or actually real. In fact, the only clues that he found which proved it had been real were the crumpled Diet Coke can and mascara stains on his sweater.


	2. Angel Down, Four To Go

That night, as the Bohemians gathered at the loft, only Angel noticed that Maureen was more subdued, quieter. The others, all looking forward to drinking themselves out of their skulls at the Life that night, somehow didn't realize that Maureen wasn't screaming our shouting or trying to do a strip tease for once in her life. Wait, strike that. Mark noticed too. But he knew why she was like that. Unlike Angel, who only had to look at someone and realize if something was wrong.

"Y! M! C! A! IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE YYYYYY! M! C! A!" Roger, Mimi, Mark, Collins, and Joanne sang at the tops of their lungs. The familiar song had been blasting from a nearby restaurant, and the excited group picked it up happily. All except Maureen and Angel, the ones who would have usually been the leaders of such a fiasco. Instead, Maureen was trailing behind the group, hands in her pockets and her head hanging. Angel, who had been holding Collins's arm, released him and sort of floated back to walk beside Maureen.

"Hey, girl. What's up?"

"Uhn?" Maureen grunted, startled. When she it was Angel, however, she shook her head as though to clear it and smiled lightly. "No, you?"

"Maureen, I'm not gonna do some acting game here. You haven't even laughed since we all met up. What's eating you, baby?" Maureen tried to look innocent, but her face just sagged sadly. Pulling Angel back a little farther, she whispered, "You can't tell anyone, not Collins or Mimi or anyone, okay?" Angel, surprised by this reaction, nodded.

"I'm pregnant, all right? That's all." Maureen shuddered, and Angel nearly tripped in her heels, which she NEVER did.

"Pregnant? Maureen, as far as I know, being a lesbian does not usually involve pregnancy."

"Shit, I know, but I think it was this party and…and all this crud, but Angel, don't tell anyone, ok? You can't!"

"Shhhh! I'm not going to, Mo, it's okay. You can trust me. I'm there for you, girl." Angel hugged her, and Maureen almost smiled. Angel could always make her smile.

"Hey, does anyone else know?"

"Just Mark, but—"

"Girl, Mimi will never forgive you if you don't tell her, and soon," Angel declared, and Maureen knew she was right. Shrugging, she tried to move faster, but Angel held her back and stared into her eyes. "Girl, promise me you'll tell Mimi."

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Maureen grumbled, but even as she walked forward and fell into step beside mark, she knew Angel was smiling at her.

Ok, that's the second chapter. Short, I know, but more to come! Yay! This thing has priority over Mama marquez two, so read it yall! Hee hee


	3. Waking Up Grouchy

The Life Café seemed to shudder with laughter and sound as the seven Bohemians flowed inside. The manager, who was talking with a waiter, turned to see them all swarm over two tables, pushing them together. He opened his mouth and took a step forward, then threw up his hands and stomped away, realizing the obvious futility of his resistance.

"Hey, Jared!" called Collins, beckoning over the fourteen-year-old waiter who had become friendly with the group. The boy hurried over, smiling. He had served them countless times before, and knew the order practically by heart.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?" Without waiting for an answer, he went on. "So that's one soy burger dinner, two miso soups, two tofu dog platters, a seaweed salad, and—" Collins flourished his arms wildly, nearly knocking Mimi off her chair with his elbow.

"One pasta with meatless balls." Jared finished, rolling his eyes and smiling even wider. He turned to go, but then called over this shoulder, "And I don't even have to mention wine and beer."

"I love that kid," Collins said in a low voice, which got him a smack from Angel. "Honey, don't even think about it." This, of course, started a conversation that ranged from cheating to underage sex to whether meatless balls are more than they appear. Maureen, slightly uplifted by telling Angel, joined in, finally screaming a sentence that contained the words "bitch", "melon", and "screwed." Several people stared first at each other in horror, then at the group in disgust and fear. Like this made any difference to the Bohemians.

The night passed much too quickly for everyone, and when it ended they all made plans to meet up, same place, same time the next day. As the different groups separated and drifted towards their respective homes, there was something that had changed, at least for Mimi and Roger. Mimi had held a whispered conversation with Maureen, who gave her permission to tell the annoyingly curious Roger "what the fuck" as he put it, was going on. The two of them did just what Angel and Mark had done, offered support and love. Yet Roger, who had always had something (no one knew what) against Maureen hadn't talked to her for the rest of the evening. He didn't even look her in the eyes.

Later that night, long after Joanne had gone to sleep, Maureen stayed up in bed; shifting and turning, wide awake. She ran a hand over her stomach: was it any different, any larger? She knew it was silly to wonder this: after all, according to the test she took and the party and all the rest, she was only a month pregnant. But still, Maureen couldn't bear the thought of something growing inside her, something new and totally unlike anything in this world. She shivered and bit her pinky fingernail. And then suddenly spasmed and thrashed under the covers, nearly waking Joanne, who luckily was among the heaviest sleepers she knew. Careful not to wake her lover, Maureen rolled into a ball and finally, finally dropped off to sleep. But the thought that had made her react like she just had spiraled around in her head as she drifted into uneasy slumber: if she was pregnant, then she hadn't used protection, and if she hadn't used protection, she might test positive for something like…AIDS.

Rhhrhrhrhrhrhrhhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhhrhr

Maureen woke the next morning because of lack of air. She had twisted and rolled over so much the previous night that the sheets had practically strangled her. Gasping, she threw off the restrictive covers and looked around the pleasant apartment bedroom, realizing within a few seconds that Joanne wasn't there. Instead, a note propped up on the pillow beside her had the name _Maureen_ written in a Helvetica-like hand. Opening the little square of paper, Maureen read the note, her eyes scanning the easy-to-read lawyer's script.

"Honeybear— 

_Sorry to be AWOL so early, but the office needs me for a conference. Do whatever the fuck you want until six (go to the loft—don't forget, baby) and have a good time! Wait, strike that, don't have a good time with anybody female! Just kidding! I'm looking forward to tonight, and not just the Life ;-) ! See you later, honey!_

_Love and Kisses,_

_Joanne (Pookie)_

Maureen laughed and refolded the note, slipping it into her bag, which lay on the bedside table. On some days, she might have crumpled it and flung it into a corner. But now, she was savoring her time with Joanne, conscious of the fact that they might really be over when Joanne heard the "news". Even thinking about that put Maureen in a bad mood, and she thumped back against her pillow, hitting her head on the backboard of the bed and crying out. For a few minutes, she lay there, her stomach writhing with apprehension. Then she realized it wasn't only nerves that were stirring her stomach.

Half a minute later she was in the bathroom, crouching over the toilet, getting rid of her miso soup and the bits of pasta she'd stolen from Collins the night before.

Maureen finally felt steady enough to lean back and get a drink of water, though her hand was shaking so much that she could barely hold the cup. As she sipped, her mind wandered, finally selecting Angel out of a few possibilities. Yeah, Angel would be nice on a day like this. Happy to have a purpose, Maureen walked unsteadily into the bedroom, pulling out clothes and, using process of elimination, decided to go for the "grunge" look as opposed to "grungier."

As she stepped out the door, chewing a poppy-seed bagel that Joanne had left out for her, Maureen felt another lurch in her lower stomach. She froze, one hand clenching the railing on the landing outside the apartment. The feeling went away, but Maureen still felt vaguely sick.

Starting down the stairs, Maureen rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth. Whoever came up with the idea of pregnancy should be introduced to Angel when she was in a "killer-death" mood. Maureen winced and rethought. Ok, maybe not _that_ harsh a punishment. Snarling, rabid wolves' chew toy might be nicer.


	4. A Story About Collins

"I _love_ that skirt! Girl, teach me. Mold me. Shape me in your image, master." Mimi bowed to Angel, who giggled and said, "Rise, grasshopper. Start your training by helping me sort these damn clothes." Mimi rolled her eyes and sat on the floor next to Angel, who was holding a basket full of clothes she had just gotten back from the Laundromat. After all, as Angel said, when clothes started to change color, they might need a _little_ washing.

"Mo, get your ass over and help us, dammit," Angel commanded, eyeing Maureen. Maureen was sitting on the squashy red couch. Well, sitting isn't really how to describe it. One leg was resting on the top of the back of the couch, and the other was drawn up against the back of her thigh. Her head hung backwards over the armrest, and her long brown hair cascaded down like a tangle of sleek brown snakes. She was holding her hands high in the air, practicing swear words in sign language.

"Angeeeeeeeeeel," Maureen moaned. "I'm going through a crisis. Sorting is below me." Mimi rolled her eyes again and started separating socks. Angel sighed and threw a button-down shirt into a growing pile.

"Maureen, you can't just wail about that. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to figure out what to do. _And_ tell Joanne." Maureen groaned again and signed a particularly nasty word at the ceiling.

"Screw it, Angel, I haven't even told Collins yet. How can I fucking tell Joanne?"

"You haven't told Collins yet? Maureen, he's like your brother! You should have told him first!" Angel glared at Maureen, while Mimi shook her head and folded a leopard-print skirt.

"Oh, I know, but that's the reason why I _didn't_ tell him first! I mean, I've known him since like forever! _He_ was the one who encouraged me to come out! He's gonna be so disappointed in me…how can I deal with that?" Maureen blinked back tears, not seeing the looks on Mimi and Angel's faces.

"Wait…_Collins_ told you to be a lesbian?" Mimi said incredulously. Maureen shot her a look.

"No, he told me to come out _after_ I knew what I was. He didn't make me become a lesbian or anything. He just made sure that I knew I should do what I needed to do to be happy." Maureen suddenly blinked back tears. Angel and Mimi, catching sight of the action, got up simultaneously and went over to the couch, Angel sitting at the opposite end and Mimi crouching on the floor beside Maureen's head.

"God, Collins and I have known each other for _ages_," she said disbelievingly, shaking her head so that her hair swayed like jungle vines in a breeze. "I mean, he was in my class in junior high. Hey, did he ever tell you what he did for me?" Angel and Mimi shook their heads, curious. Maureen shifted around and sat up, sitting normally in the middle of the couch. Mimi got up and sat next to her. Angel put a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to continue. Maureen took a gulp of air and cleared her head of the rushing blood.

"You know, about then was when my dad started drinking a whole lot, and he used to come home pretty angry and drunk and all that shit. And my mom drank right along with him. Left me at home for about five hours every night, coming back all loud and drunk and ready to do whatever the fuck they wanted to. So," Maureen gulped again and cleared a strand of hair from her eyes. Angel squeezed shoulder and Mimi took her hand.

"So," she went on, "they would beat the crap out of me for some little thing, like having my music too loud or leaving a book or something at school. God, they even did it in front of someone once. My friend Jenni came home with me after school one day and I forgot to tell my mom that she was sleeping over. So my mom came home, drunk off her ass as usual, saw Jenni's sleeping bag, and started hitting me right there in front of Jenni, with Grateful Dead playing on our machine and everything." Maureen wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, and Mimi put her other arm around her shoulders and squeezed. Angel patted Maureen's hair and said, "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah, yeah," Maureen assured her, waving a hand in the air. "So anyway, one day I came into class with a black eye from my dad. And this kid Tom, who sat next to me in homeroom and English, noticed it. And we weren't like close or anything, but he was really nice and smart and always helped out kids who couldn't get shit about the lesson. But everyone thought he was a little freaky, because he wanted to be called Collins and because he was "fruity" or whatever, but he still had a lot of friends and all.

"But anyway, he asked me about it, and I tried to lie and say I tripped, but he got it all out in the end. And after school he asked to walk me home. And because he was being pretty great about all this and I had already told him everything, I said ok. And we talked and all, and he was pretty much the most awesome guy I knew, but then when we walked in the door my dad was there and worse than I'd ever seen him before, with about a million bottles in the kitchen. And he saw me with Collins and was about to slap me, but Collins stepped in front of me and blocked my dad's hand. And then he smiled, took my arm, and walked me to his house. And I stayed there for about a week, even though I had never even talked more than a few minutes with him before then, but his mom made me come in when she heard what happened, and I stayed. That gave me the guts to stand up to my mom and dad, and that ended up fixing the problem for the moment, even thought they started again when I was in high school. But whenever I needed him, Collins was there for me, letting me stay at his house or hang out after school and just talk. God, he really _is_ my brother," Maureen said, a tear finally running down her cheek. Angel and Mimi just held her hands as she cried, and in a few minutes she had stopped.

"Wow, I just can't believe I didn't know about that," Angel said, shaking her head. "He's told me loads of stories about you, Mo, but never that." Mimi nodded.

"Yeah, well, that's just how Collins is, you know?" Maureen sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. Mimi looked down for a minute, then jumped up and said decidedly, "Maureen, we are going to march you down there to tell him about this whole thing _today_."

"Whoa, wait, what?" Maureen said, sitting up straight. But Mimi was already putting on her coat and throwing Angel her's. Angel nodded briskly, put on the jacket, and pulled on Maureen's hand, heaving her friend off the couch.

"Okay, stop you guys, just thinking for a—" Maureen's protests were cut off as Angel and Mimi hurried her out the door, almost lifting her into the air. "Girl, if he did that for you before you two were friends, then do you really think he'll hate you because of _this_?" Angel insisted, steering them around a street corner. Maureen started to say something, but her mouth was filled with fumes as a taxi flashed by, and by the time she finished choking and coughing, her friends had plunged down into to the abyss of the Metro station.


	5. Telling Is Hard To Do

"This is a kidnapping," grumbled Maureen as Angel and Mimi herded her into a seat on the train. She crossed her legs and glared at them. They ignored her and took their seats, one on either side of hers.

"Maureen, baby, you gotta trust him to accept this and accept you. Yeah, it's gonna shake him up; it shook all the rest of us up. But he loves you and he'll understand, honey, he really will."

"Easy for you to say, Angel, you aren't the one who has to tell one of your best friends that you're a pregnant lesbian!" Maureen said this a little loudly, and several people looked strangely at her. A mother got up and moved with her two kids down the train.

"C'mon, you're Maureen Johnson! When have you ever been afraid of what anybody thinks of you?" Mimi encouraged, poking Maureen in the ribs with her finger. Maureen pushed her away and scowled.

The NYU stop came into view, and the three walked out. For minute, it looked like Maureen might be able to make a break for it, but Angel saw her eyeing the exit and latched onto her arm, pulling the protesting woman up the steps and out of the station. Mimi followed, ready to jump Maureen if she got away from Angel.

NYU loomed over them as they moved down the streets, and Angel steered Maureen into the building. They negotiated the halls, dodging students and teachers. Maureen actually dug in her heels at one point, but Angel just pushed a little harder and Maureen's legs gave way.

"111…117…123!" Mimi cried out the number of Collins's classroom, and Angel skidded to a halt, nearly dragging Maureen's legs out from under her. The three stared through the little glass window in the door, watching as Collins moved around by the blackboard. He was dressed "sensibly", but he still wore his white beanie that he was so attached to. The board was covered with squiggly symbols and words that made no sense to any of them. From what they could see, the class was almost over.

"Ok, Maureen, you're gonna tell him, and if you don't, we'll be forced to resort to drastic measures," Angel warned, planting Maureen in front of the door and pulling Mimi away. Before Maureen could run, the door burst opened and students streamed out, talking and laughing and reading. Maureen, fighting her way out of the current, sent one last pleading look at her friends, but Angel just shook her head, pointed to the door, and disappeared around the corner with Mimi.

"And don't forget that the new due date is _Friday_, not Wednesday! Why I give you all these extensions I don't—Mo!" Collins, who had started to usher his students out, caught sight of Maureen on the other side of the stream. Fighting his way through, he swept her up in a bear hug, which she reluctantly returned.

"Hey, Maureen! C'mon over here," he said, putting one hand on her back and propelling her towards a bench about a yard from his classroom door. He sat and gestured to the seat beside him. Feeling like a doomed person, Maureen sank onto the bench.

"Girl, what are you doing here? I mean, not that I mind, but any particular reason?" Maureen swallowed. It was now or never. She could tell him that she just wanted to see him and make a joke, thereby saving herself from telling him. But then Angel's face appeared from behind the corner of the hallway, and Maureen could see she was mouthing, _tell him, tell him._

"Uh, I need to talk to you about something." Collins's smile vanished, replaced by a worried look.

"Is this about Joanne, Mo? Because if it is, I'm not sure that I can tell you—"

"No, it's not about Joanne. Well, it sort of is, but—when do you have a break, so we can talk?" _Please say you don't have a break today_, Maureen pleaded silently.

"Actually, I have one right now. You want to go get some coffee that tastes like tar?" He grinned at her, and she made a feeble attempt to do the same.

"Yeah…coffee tar…sure." He nodded and got up. She stood too, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her towards wherever college professors go when they have a break. Maureen looked back once to see Mimi and Angel, out from behind the corner, waving at her. She groaned inaudibly and faced forward, walking into what she thought was the lion's den.

"So is everything okay? You seem a little out of it," Collins observed, rolling his eyes at a group of girls who giggled as he walked by with his arm around Maureen.

"Wha…huh?" She shook her head to clear it.

"More than a little," he amended, raising an eyebrow. They made their way through a large brown door. Inside, there were several vending machines, including one with a picture of a frothy mug of coffee. Collins flicked the machine with his finger, pressed a button, and smiled as it gurgled into life. "You just need to know how to get its attention."

"Yeah…your skill with vending machines is awe-aspiring," Maureen said, leaning casually against the Pepsi machine. Collins fussed with a couple cups and they both watched as the thick black coffee dripped down in two thin streams. It did remind Maureen of tar. But she was getting nervous now, fidgeting and taking her hands in and out of her pockets. Collins watched her, wary. If anyone knew Maureen, it was him. And he could tell when she was upset.

"Here. So, what was it that was so important?" Collins handed her a cup and waited, but Maureen seemed to have forgotten he was there. She accepted the cup and stared into it, searching for god knows what in the liquid.

"Uh…Mo?" Collins poked her gently, and she jumped.

"Oh…yeah, can we go back to your classroom first? It's sorta weird here." Collins rolled his eyes and pushed open the door, gesturing her out. As she walked out he followed, a tiny twist of fear tingling in his gut. This seemed bad.

By the time they had reached his classroom and gone inside, Maureen had slipped from dazed to jumpy. She chattered blearily about the coffee and how much it sucked. Collins leaned against his desk, frowning at her. Finally, he interrupted.

"Maureen, if you can remember your original point, would it be too much to ask that you make it? We've been here for more than fifteen minutes and I still don't know what you're so worked up about."

"Yeah, yeah ok." Maureen licked her lips and sighed, her hands tightening around the cellophane cup. Looking up, her eyes met Collins's. And suddenly she wanted to choke it out, get it all out at once so that they could feel normal around each other again.

"Collins…Collins, I'm pregnant. Yeah, I know it's messed up and everything, and I have no idea how it happened, and I don't really know what to do, and…and…okay, I'm done." She had looked down again, and now she chanced a glance at his face. He was just watching her, expression giving away nothing of how he felt.

"Collins? Did you hear me? I'm—"

"I heard you." His voice was monotonous. She suddenly felt like crying.

"Collins, what do you want me to say? I don't know what to do about this, I don't know how to fix it, I don't know anything, so I'm sorry if—" Maureen was cut off as Collins moved forward and embraced her. She tensed for a moment, then relaxed, laying her head on his shoulder. It was the most comforting thing in the world at that moment, and Maureen felt somehow infinitely better. Then he pulled away and turned towards his desk, shaking his head.


	6. I'm Scared

"So? What do you think?" Maureen asked. She felt shaky, but his hug told her that he wasn't going to hate her or anything. Still, Maureen knew she deserved to get screamed at. She almost wanted Collins to yell at her, so that she could try to defend herself. No one had gotten mad at her for this yet, and she needed that. Maureen was so used to people being annoyed with her, yet no one was angry at her over this whole mess. It felt strange.

"Think? What do I think?" Collisn turned again and leaned against his desk, one arms crossed, looking at Maureen with a weary expression. "I think that you've gotten yourself into the mother of all fucked-up disasters." Maureen blinked. It didn't sound like he was directly blaming her, yet…

"God…Maureen, if you had decided to sky-dive, I wouldn't be surprised. If you had sold your body for science, I wouldn't be surprised. Any crazy thing that one can do in this world, I wouldn't care at all if you did. But this…this is insane even for you."

"Collins…I didn't try to make this happen. I don't even know how it did! But you gotta understand, I'm…I'm scared, okay? I'm scared shitless because I don't want this, I would give anything for this to be some sort of screwed-up nightmare. But it's not, and I'm scared, and…and…and I just wish it would all go away!" Maureen was horrified as she felt herself break down, tears brimming with lightening speed in her eyes and a sob fighting its way out of her throat. Wailing like a toddler, Maureen slumped into one of the student desks, her brown hair falling like a curtain as her head drooped. Even when she felt Collins's arms around her and even when she clung to him like a little girl clinging to her older brother, Maureen couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop sobbing and hacking and gasping for breath.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Maureen wound down, her chest heaving and her face wet. Pulling away from Collins, she wiped at her eyes, kicking herself hard for being so pathetic.

"God, I must look terrible," she said shakily, rubbing her cheeks. A warm familiar hand touched her shoulder, and Maureen looked up to see Collins smiling at her, of all things.

"C'mon. Let's go." He took her hand and stood up. She did likewise, puzzled. He turned and began leading her up the steps toward the door. She pulled back.

"Collins, where are we going?"

"To see if we can sort this whole mess out." And Maureen, suddenly feeling like things might be okay, followed on of her best friends out of the classroom.


	7. You're An Idiot

Collins led Maureen out the door. She didn't know where they were going, but at least he seemed to, and that was comfort in and of itself.

"Hey, Tom! The dean knows you're leaving?" An old man staggering under a pile of folders called out to Collins as they walked by.

"Naw, he doesn't, but this is critical! Can you hold him off for just half an hour, Max?"

"Sure thing! But you owe me!" The little man grinned at Collins, the folders in his arms wobbling dangerously. Collins nodded and turned the corner, heading down the hall.

"Who was that?" asked Maureen. Collins smiled.

"Max. He teaches literature across campus. Nice guy, but he has no idea what year it is. Two days ago he asked me whether I thought Nixon would win the election." Maureen laughed. By now, they had reached a small area dotted with chairs and small tables. Students sat, heads buried in books, at the tables. Collins took a seat at one tucked into a corner. Maureen followed suit.

"You want something to drink? Eat? Stare at moodily at while I bug you about all this?" Maureen snorted and shook her head. Collins, happy that he could make her snort as such, leaned back in his chair. His expression became serious.

"Mo, I get that you didn't want this to happen. I mean, you aren't the sort of person to do this on purpose. But there's something I want to check."

"What?"

"Have you decided what you're gonna do with it?"

"Huh?" Maureen didn't understand.

"What you're gonna do with…with this baby, I guess."

"Oh. Um…" To tell the truth, Maureen hadn't thought past telling Joanne about this whole thing. She hadn't considered that in eight months, something that was alive, that was a person, would be coming from her. And then Maureen felt sick to her stomach.

"No. I haven't thought about it all, Collins. But now that you mention it, I can't believe I haven't! I mean, I'm gonna be a _mother_. Shit, I'm gonna be a freaking MOTHER." Maureen suddenly felt stunned.

"Well, you know you don't have to be if you don't want to," he said. She stared at him.

"You mean…an abortion?"

"Uh huh. You can still get rid of it this early on, Mo. It's not a certain thing yet, not if you don't want it to be."

"But an _abortion_…I don't know if I could go through with that."

"Then don't, Maureen. You're the person in charge of this now, and it's totally up to you."

"Me? In charge? Now that's a crazy idea if I ever heard one." Maureen shook her head and rested her elbows on the table. Collins, his face gentle, put a hand on her arm.

"Maureen, be honest with me. When you think about this, what do you really want to do?" Maureen sighed and looked up at him.

"The truth? I don't know. See, when I first think about it, an abortion seems the best thing to do. But then I wonder how I'm going to feel when I get one, and how I would feel if I actually…gave birth. And then I want to keep it, all for me. But _then_ I think about it harder, and it seems so stupid. Maureen Johnson, hauling a freaking kid around all day? So then I want to give birth, but give it up for adoption. And then I say why not just have an abortion? And the whole damn thing goes round and round in my head till I can't tell which one is which anymore." She sighed again and tapped her finger on the table. Collins looked sympathetic, at least until a strange look flitted across his face. He leaned forward suddenly, hands gripping the table.

"Listen, Maureen…have you gotten tested yet?"

"For what? Pregnancy? Collins, I'm not making a mistake, I—"

"No, not that. I mean…I mean an HIV test." Maureen recalled her little fit of fear the night before, and shook her head.

"But I've thought about it. I guess if I'm positive, that solves the baby problem at least," she said, trying to lighten the mood. But Collins only looked more serious.

"Maureen, I want you to promise me that before today is over, you will go get an HIV test."

"But—"

"Promise me."

"Ok, ok, I promise." She rolled her eyes, but inside she felt immensely relieved. This was exactly what she needed; someone telling her what to do, someone making decisions for her. Funny, usually Maureen hated when people did that. And now, when the decision was really all hers to make, she wanted someone else to do it for her.

"Good. And Mo…you know that no matter what, whatever you decide to do with the kid, whatever your test results are, I will behind you, girl. I gonna be there for you, whether you like it or not." Maureen laughed as he smiled at her, and she put a hand on his arm.

"Even if I get to be the world's biggest bitch for however long this takes?"

"Maybe…OW! Maureen, you knew I was kidding, no need to pinch!"

"I'm in a crisis, pinching is a perk."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Maureen grinned at him. When Collins called her an idiot, she knew that everything was gonna work out okay.


	8. HIV:

"Ok, so you remember what you promised me, right?"

"Yes, daddy," said Maureen, rolling her eyes and grinning at Collins. He swatted her on the arm and smiled.

"Great. And…I guess I'll see you tonight at the loft?"

"Sounds good."

"Ok, well, see you later."

"Goodbye, dahling." Now Collins rolled his eyes and ducked into his classroom, disappearing from view. Maureen waited until the door swung shut, then started down the hallway, feeling very peaceful. After all, he had helped her, he had talked with her, and that was going to make it alright…

"Maureen!" A flurry of bright red jacket and tangled brown hair jumped out at Maureen, and before she could say a thing, Mimi and Angel were guiding her out towards the door, hands clamped down on her arms.

"Girl, what happened to you two? We saw you go out of the classroom, then in, then out again! Where the hell did you go?"

"Easy, Angel, easy, you're cutting off my circulation! We just went to get some coffee and then to talk, ok? And before you ask, everything is fine. He was great about it." Mimi and Angel, who had released Maureen once they had left the building, exchanged triumphant looks. A distinct "we-told-her-so" look crossed between them. Maureen tried to ignore it.

"But there was one thing. He wants me to get an HIV test. Today." The look dropped off Angel and Mimi's faces, and Mimi bit her lip.

"Today? Maureen, are you sure—"

"He made me promise, okay? And I want to. No sense in putting it off. I want the results now, before I do anything to someone that would hurt them." Maureen glanced over at Angel and was surprised to see her friend smiling at her with pride. It made her feel funny, so she looked away and threaded her arms through Angel's and Mimi's.

"C'mon. I'll go get one right now, and then we can do something fun. I've had enough angst for one day." But Maureen knew that, if her test results went a certain way, she might not be in the mood to do anything fun ever again.

"All right, if you're sure…I know that there's a clinic a few blocks away from here, we can go there. And they give those rapid tests so, we won't have to wait. Maureen, how, um, how many months pregnant are you?"

"About one and a half, judging from what that test thingy told me. How they can tell, I don't fucking know, but anyway."

"Ok, so that means the test will work. This way." And, with Mimi leading the way, the three friends made their way down the street.

The clinic was truly a few blocks away, but by the time they got there Maureen was dying for a rest. Obviously pregnancy cut down on you're physical abilities.

"Um, excuse me?" The middle aged woman behind the blue counter looked up from her papers, eyes bright behind giant glasses. Angel smiled in a friendly way and pulled Maureen forward. "My friend would like to get tested, please. One of the rapid ones, if that's okay. Her name's Maureen Johnson."

"Of course, dear, I'll just write that in," the woman chirped, putting down the papers and smiling at Maureen, who stared back. "I think," she said, checking a schedule taped to the back of the counter," if you wait just a few minutes, someone will be free to help you out. You can take a seat there, if you want." She gestured to a row of plastic chairs by the opposite wall. Maureen headed towards the chairs like they were the Holy Land, sinking into one with a sigh of relief. Angel and Mimi sat beside her.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Angel in a concerned tone.

"I think so," Maureen whispered back. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. _In, out, in, out_…but eventually that settled into a rhythm of words in her head: _No, AIDS, No, AIDS…_It was hard to deal with.

"Excuse me, miss? We're ready for you now." The woman beckoned to Maureen, but Maureen didn't notice. She was too busy breathing in and out, in and out…Mimi had to shake her awake, and then, blinking rapidly, she followed the young man in a white coat through two swinging doors. Angel and Mimi watched her go. Then Angel leaned over and whispered, "Are you scared?"

"To death."

When Maureen finally came out, she was wearing a grimace and clutching one part of her arm. Mimi and Angel jumped up, but she waved them down, plopping into her chair and leaning back, staring at the ceiling.

"Miss Johnson, your results will be ready in about half an hour. Feel free to just sit here and wait, or leave as you want." Maureen nodded at the woman and sighed. Angel touched her shoulder gently, and Mimi ran a hand through the tumble of long brown hair.

"You guys mind just waiting here with me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Of course not," said Angel and Mimi simultaneously. And for the next thirty-two minutes, they all just sat there. Together. Waiting as the answer to this question loomed larger and larger with each tick of the second hand.

"Maureen? Miss Johnson, are you here?" The woman's voice jolted Maureen out of the stupor-like trance she had sunk into. Jerking a little in her seat, Maureen looked at Angel and Mimi, and then stood, walking slowly to the counter. The woman handed her an envelope, smiling. Maureen took it without saying a word and walked back to the chair, the paper in her hand heavy as lead.

"So that's it, huh?" Mimi asked tentatively. Maureen nodded. Then, very slowly, she dug one finger under the seal. Working the flap open, she pulled it back and drew out a stapled sheaf of papers, folded blank side up into thirds. Angel squeezed her shoulder hard, and Mimi took one of her hands. Maureen breathed deeply for one more minute. Then she unfolded the paper.

And burst into tears.

Because there, printed in large, blocky, black letters, were the words, "Johnson Maureen. Blood type: AB positive. HIV: NEGATIVE."


	9. Cravings

"Oh my god, Mo, it's not—wait, it's not." Mimi, whose face had taken on a look of horror as Maureen burst into tears, leaned over and saw the big black word NEGATIVE on the forms. Thus, she was puzzled as to why her friend was wailing her head off.

"Shh…shhh, Maureen, it's okay." Angel embraced Maureen, letting her cry into the shoulder of her jacket. Mimi raised her eyebrows, but Angel frowned at her over Maureen's head and stroked her friend's back.

"Oh god…oh god, I'm _such_ a basket case," sniffed Maureen, finally drawing back from Angel and shuffling the papers in her lap. Angel kept a hand on her arm, and Maureen sighed heavily.

"I've cried about three or four times today when I don't usually cry for months at a time. I throw up in the mornings and my legs are killing me even though I can run a mile without breaking a sweat. Therefore, I've come to a conclusion: pregnancy sucks big-time." Maureen rolled her eyes and Mimi chuckled, smoothing a stray lock of hair back from her friend's face.

"You gonna be alright, honey?"

"Yeah…yeah, I think I am. I guess I was just so scared that when I saw I was gonna be okay, I completely lost it. So the answer is yeah. I'm gonna be fine." Maureen sniffled again, then smiled weakly. "Hey, I said I wanted to do something fun, and I do. C'mon, let's go to the park and scare small children." Angel laughed and put one hand under Maureen's jaw, tilting the woman's face towards her.

"Now that's the Maureen Johnson I know." Maureen smiled wider and gave Angel a hug. Mimi made a little whimpering noise, and of course she needed a hug too after that. And finally, arms linked through each other's, the three friends walked out into New York.

* * *

"I swear, Angel, you have issues beyond all reason!" Maureen said, gasping for breath as she struggled to stop laughing. Mimi grinned, and Angel simply shrugged.

"Not my fault that the soda guy has a problem with glitter. I was just trying to cure him of his own issues."

"Sprinkling handfuls of glitter onto his head while he practically screamed for mercy? You'd have made a wonderful psychiatrist, all right." Mimi smirked and flicked Angel's shoulder. Maureen wrinkled her brow for a moment.

"Angel, why the hell do you even _have_ that much glitter with you?"

"You never know when someone's day needs sparkles!" Angel said perkily, twirling on the tips of her toes. Maureen was in the process of rolling her eyes when she glimpsed one of the many vendors' carts sprinkled throughout Central Park. However this one had a sign on it that suddenly seemed to Maureen like a gift from God.

"Hey, you guys, let's go over here," she said, grabbing Mimi's sleeve and striding towards the cart. Angel followed her, puzzled.

"Maureen, why are you taking us to a Chocolate-Covered Cashew stand? You hate nuts." But Maureen wasn't listening. Practically drooling, she pushed past the line of about three people and said in a desperate voice, "How many do you sell at one time?"

The vendor gave her a strange look, but replied, "A pound, ma'am. Costs four dollars."

"I'll take it! In fact, give me two! No, three!" Maureen gazed hungrily at the large bags of nuts in the cart. The vendor shrugged, but picked up three bulging sacks and handed them to Maureen.

"You sure you can handle that, lady?"

"Yeah, yeah, here." Maureen shoved the money at the vendor, simultaneously almost emptying her wallet. Clutching the greasy bags, she walked back to Angel and Mimi, not noticing the stunned looks on their faces.

"Maureen?"

"Wha ish it?" Maureen had torn open a bag and crammed a handful of chocolate-covered nuts into her mouth, her cheeks huge and round. As she spoke, crumbs and flecks of chocolate sprayed from her mouth, catching Mimi square in the face.

"Oh, gross! Jesus, Maureen, swallow before you talk!" Maureen chewed frantically and finally swallowed, her throat vibrating as the food went down. Finally, she had an empty mouth.

"What is it?" she asked, already reaching down for another. Angel collected the bags from her before she could. Maureen glared at her.

"Hey, I was—"

"Maureen, why the hell did you just waste all that money on chocolate-covered cashews when you can't stand nuts, chocolate gives you a headache, and it made you practically broke for the day?"

"Dunno. Just really, _really_ wanted some all of a sudden." Snatching a bag back from Angel, Maureen stuffed another handful into her mouth, a look of bliss coming over her face. Mimi and Angel exchanged looks while Maureen chewed. This was going to be more difficult than they thought.


	10. Fine!

"Ooohh, I feel sick," moaned Maureen, closing her eyes and pressing a hand to her forehead. Mimi rolled her eyes and leaned back on the bench they were all sitting on.

"Maureen, that's what happens when you eat three pounds of chocolate-covered chews in about four minutes. I told you it was too fast, but did you listen? N—"

"Mimi, be quiet, she's had a hard day," said Angel, gently running a hand through Maureen's hair. In response, Maureen groaned and fell against Angel, her body resting on her friend's chest. Angel only ran another hand through her hair and let her lie there, stomach gurgling and head pounding.

Finally, more than fifteen minutes of moaning and shifting and complaining later, Maureen declared that she felt well enough to start walking towards the Metro station. But when she stood, Angel and Mimi pulled her back down. Confused, she looked back and forth between them.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"Maureen…we've been thinking, and we were just wondering…don't you want to get it all over with?" Angel's voice was soft and gentle, but it filled Maureen with dread.

"Wha—what do you mean?"

"We mean that you've told everyone except Joanne now, and it's only going to get worse the longer you wait. Maureen, what seems better to you: telling Joanne now when she might be able to help you sort this out, or letting her find out when you tear the kitchen apart looking for poppy seed bagels or something and you gain twenty pounds? She's gonna notice, and if I were you, I'd let it out now. I know she'd appreciate it."

"Yeah," snorted Maureen, "but she'd appreciate me throwing myself into a septic tank even more." Mimi sighed and squeezed Maureen's shoulder. Maureen jerked away angrily. She knew Mimi was right, but she wanted more than anything for her not to be. She'd already told Collins today, _and_ gotten an HIV test. Wasn't that enough?

But when she voiced this opinion, Angel said, "Then finish the job. Get it over with tonight, and then it's done. No more creeping around and feeling like a lying asshole. Isn't that what you want?" Maureen breathed deeply, trying to clear her mind. She did want it over with, wanted it so badly that she would have rushed over to Joanne's office at that moment, grabbed her by the lapels of her coat and screamed the truth into her face if—!

If Joanne's eyes, so very angry and burning and hating, weren't perpetually floating in front of her face, a constant reminder of what might happen. Maureen found herself cringing as she just imagined those eyes; there was no telling what she would do if the real ones stared her in the face.

Still, Maureen realized the simple truth; she was being a wimp. If she loved Joanne like she did and if Joanne loved her like she hoped she did, then this might work out. It just might.

Yeah, right.

"Fine, fine! I'll fucking tell her if you want!" Maureen crossed her arms, sighing irritably. Angel shook her head.

"It's not what we want, Mo. It's what you want."

"Oh god! Yeah, I want it, ok? I do, I do, I do." Mimi and Angel looked at each other, then at Mo. Gentle smiles came onto their faces.

"We're proud of you, Maureen," said Mimi softly. Maureen rolled her eyes.

"Try being proud of me when I'm lying face down in the bottom of a septic tank."

* * *

"Ok," said Angel, checking the clock above Mimi's bed. It read 4:36. "Maureen and Joanne have dinner plans for 5:00."

"And knowing them, they'll arrive at 5:30," said Mimi, rolling her eyes. Angel chuckled and thought, her brow furrowed.

"Maureen will stall, being Maureen, so she'll probably spill around 6:00. Joanne will start yelling by 6:01, and she'll storm out of the restaurant by 6:04. So we have it mapped out: 5:30 to 6:04." Mimi sighed.

"Angel, maybe this is all for nothing. I mean, Joanne could take this well. She might accept it and be nice, caring, and supportive." They glanced at each other.

"Uh huh. Dream on, Mimi. I love Jo, but she's got the temper of a rampant bull when it comes to Maureen. Trust me, this isn't going to go down well."

"Oh, I know," said Mimi sadly, crossing her legs. "But I feel so bad for both of them, I just…I just want them to get along for once."

"Me too, honey. But life is life, and that's how they are. It's a deal-with-it kind of thing."

"Right." Mimi sighed and reached for her mug of coffee. As they spoke, Maureen was at Joanne's apartment, getting ready to take her girlfriend out to dinner, where she would finally tell her that she was pregnant. Needless to say, Mimi and Angel were appointing themselves clean-up crew.

"You want Joanne or Maureen?" Angel's voice snapped her out of her daze. Mimi shook herself and focused.

"Maureen, I get what it's like to freak out like this a little more than you do, I think. Plus, Joanne always comes to you about this stuff."

"True. So, do you have equipment?"

"Duh." And from beneath the bed, Mimi pulled a large, lumpy bag.

It was going to be a long night.


	11. Ben & Jerry's

"Angel, move over, you're stepping on my foot!"

"Well, I'm not trying to, ok?" Angel whispered. The two were basically hiding in the small alleyway beside the restaurant that Maureen and Joanne had gone into thirty-three minutes ago. The alley was pretty small and narrow so, needless to say, Mimi was feeling rather cramped.

"Oh god, something back there smells really, _really_ bad," groaned Mimi, trying to move forward. Angel pushed her back.

"Deal with it, Mimi! They're coming out in two minutes, and we need to be ready!"

"Ok, ok, but I don't think I'll ever get these shoes clean again," complained Mimi, trying to wipe something unmentionable off her shoe.

One minute ticked by.

Two minutes.

Thr—

"Joanne!" Angel whispered urgently. Indeed, at exactly 6:04 pm, the door to the restaurant banged open, and seconds later Joanne stormed past the alleyway, her face filled with rage and tears sliding down her cheeks. Angel and Mimi shrank back, waiting until they knew she was around the corner. Then they sprang into action.

"Ok, Mimi, Mo's in there probably crying onto the table right now, so get in there and bring her home, to your house. I'm going after Jo." Mimi nodded with a military face.

"Check-in call at 7:00?"

"Check-in call at 7:00. But honestly, Mimi? If you just think about how Joanne looked and how Maureen probably does, I'm willing to bet we'll be spending the night with them." Mimi sighed and shrugged.

"Ok. I'll call again at 10:00 to make sure everything's all right."

"Great. Make sure Roger knows where you are, we don't want another freak-out when we have these two. I'll take care of Collins."

"Sounds good. And Angel?"

"What?"

"Your shoe is still on my foot!"

"Oh, let's just get out of here," groaned Angel, squeezing out of the alley. Mimi popped out behind her, grumbling and shaking out her foot.

"I think I see her," said Angel, peering through the large windows in front of the restaurant. At a table way over in the opposite corner, one could just make out a small, hunched form. One that didn't look too happy.

"I'm going in. Wish me luck," Mimi saluted, squared her shoulders, and pushed open the door of the restaurant. Rolling her eyes, Angel turned and headed down the corner towards Joanne's apartment.

* * *

"Jo? Joanne, honey, are you in there?" Angel called, knocking on Joanne's door with one fist. There was no answer. She pressed her ear against the door. The only sound she could make out was a blaring, trashy radio talk show. Joanne must be taking it _really_ hard.

"Joanne? Girl, if you don't open the door I'm coming in." No answer. Sighing, Angel reached into her pocket and drew out the emergency key that Joanne had given her a month ago. Fitting into the lock, she gave it a quick twist, relieved to hear the _thunk_ of the bolt sliding back. Grabbing the door knob, she entered the house.

"Joanne? Joanne, where are you?" Angel moved through the hall, following the sound of the radio. Finally, she stopped in ront of the bedroom door. Taking a breath, she pushed it open.

Joanne was huddled on the bed, still in the clothes from before. The sheets were drawn up around her like the walls of a fortress, and in her lap was a tub of Ben & Jerry's. In her hand was a spoon, which at that moment was conveying a large portion of ice cream to her mouth. Her face was blotchy and shiny with tears, and her eyes brimmed with more as she stared at the large black radio by her feet. A laugh track echoed through the room, obnoxious and tinny.

"Oh, honey." Angel ran to the bed and sat down beside Joanne, slipping an arm over her shoulders and using her other one to reach over and turn off the radio. Joanne made no reaction to her presence, only stuffed another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

"Jo, honey, don't do that, it's not going to help." Gently, Angel pried the tub out of Joanne's hands and took the spoon as well, dropping them over the side of the bed. Joanne suddenly leaned against her, sobbing like a baby. Angel hugged her and let her cry.

"Why'd she do it, Angel? Why did she do it to me?" Joanne asked tearfully. Angel didn't respond. All she did was let Joanne cry herself out and, meanwhile, internally prepare herself for giving massive amounts of therapy in the next several hours.


	12. Conversations

"Angel, _please_ say that's you!"

"No, this is Fred the guy in your closet. Of course it's me, who else would it be?"

"Thank god! Listen, Angel, you have to come help me! Maureen has fallen apart, and I mean _totally_ destroyed. She hasn't stopped sobbing and moaning and—Angel, she's talking about becoming a nun! I can't take it anymore!"

"Honey, I've got my own problems. Joanne's eaten a pint of ice cream and she keeps turning on this horrible radio talk show. All she can do is cry about Maureen and hug her pillow. I'm sorry, but there's no way I can leave the poor girl alone tonight."

"Ugh, fine. Maureen's in no shape to be alone either. I'm just a little tired of hearing about how nuns never have these kinds of troubles and how dressing in those big black dress things wouldn't be so bad…Anyway, you called Collins and told him where you were, right?"

"Yup. He was great about it, no surprise there. Said he expected it to happen. Did you tell Roger and Mark?"

"Uh huh. They've even delivered tea from upstairs, bless their souls. Let me tell you, Angel, Maureen is a sponge. She's had more tea than I thought was humanly possible."

"Well, hang in there, honey. I've gotta go, Joanne is turning up the laugh track again. Call me in the morning, okay?"

"Fine. Good luck."

"You too." Angel sighed and hung up the phone. Then she turned and walked back into the bedroom.

Joanne was lying on her stomach, arms wrapped around her pillow and tear-stained face staring at the large black radio, which was blaring some horrible commercial jingle.

"Honey, can't you turn that thing off?" Angel asked, sitting on the side of the bed. Joanne shook her head and hiccupped. Angel sighed again and reached down, pulling the thick black cord and unplugging the radio. Just as a tempting offer to buy mattress started up, the radio went silent. Joanne didn't seem to notice.

"There, that's better. Now c'mon, girl. Pull yourself together and talk to me. I'm your friend, I'm here for you." Angel lay down next to Joanne, putting one arm around her shoulders. Joanne leaned against her, mouth turning down sadly. After a few moments, she spoke, her voice wavering and small.

"Everything was going so well…we were getting along, I thought she was really done with all that. And now she comes and tells me that she screwed some guy and she's pregnant…does she expect me to feel sorry for her? Is that what she wants, for me to hug her and tell her it's all okay with me, that I don't care that she slept with a guy?

"Angel, what is she gonna do next? Bring her boyfriend here? Introduce him to me? Make out with him while I'm watching? Have triplets and leave them here with me while she goes out with him? I can't take it anymore, this whole thing is too much. She's…she's doing this on purpose!" Joanne started to sob again, burying her face in her pillow. Angel stroked her back and let her cry. Finally, Joanne looked up, eyes redder than ever and skin blotchy.

"Joanne, you—"

"She doesn't care about me at all, does she? So what if I get my heart stomped on? So what if I feel hurt? It doesn't matter, because she's got her BOYFRIEND to take away the guilt! God, I can't believe her…you know, this is exactly—" Angel sighed and propped up her head on her fist as Joanne started to rant, turning her pain into anger.

This was going to take a while.

* * *

When Angel woke up the next morning, it took her a second to remember where she was. Then it suddenly came back to her: Joanne's apartment. Angel started to stretch, but realized that she was sitting in a small chair. Looking around blearily, Angel saw that Joanne was curled up in the bed, her still tearstained face peaceful now. The chair Angel was in had been pushed up to the edge of the bed, and Angel found that she had a terrible cramp in her legs from having folded them underneath her body all night.

Angel started to try to get up. It wasn't easy, considering that her legs were quite painful and the rest of her body wasn't too comfy either. Still, after a few attempts, she managed to lever herself out of the chair without waking Joanne. Yawning, Angel made her way into the kitchen. As she moved, she brushed a strand of hair back form her face, where it was caught in her lipstick. Then she realized that she had gone to sleep with her wig and makeup still on. Ick.

In the kitchen, Angel made herself a cup of tea. Sipping it contentedly, she went to the phone to dial Mimi.

_Brrrrrr._

_Brrrrr._

_Brrrr—_

"Fuck! _Hello?_"

"Mimi? Um, are you okay?"

"Angel? Oh, hi. Sorry about that. The phone nearly woke Maureen up, and I banged my goddamn ­_shin_ on the fucking _table_…anyway, how did things there go?"

"All right, and by that I mean, Joanne is probably feeling calmer because she screamed profanities associated with Maureen's name at me all night, with several sobbing fits to spice it all up, of course." Angel heard Mimi sigh on the other end of the phone.

"That sound better than my night. Maureen didn't yell, but she wouldn't stop crying. At all. Ever. I'm surprised my apartment isn't flooded from all those tears, no joke. Anyway, she finally feel asleep about three hours ago, so I got a decent hour of sleep in."

"I got an hour and a half."

"Lucky jerk."

"Oh, don't be like that, Mimi. We're both cranky and we both need sleep. Unfortunately, that's not an option. Joanne isn't anywhere near ready for a confrontation with Maureen."

"Neither is Maureen. You know, ready to meet Joanne face to face."

"Until they are, I think all we can do is sit tight and let them work though it all."

"You're right, sadly enough. Okay, Angel, I'm gonna try to catch a few more minutes of sleep before Maureen wakes up. Call me if anything big happens."

"Will do. Put some ice on that shin."

"Fine. Bye."

"Sweet dreams." Angel hung up and took another sip of her tea. Just as she was contemplating maybe snagging a few more minutes of rest herself, she heard, "Huh? Wassat? Angel?" coming from the bedroom. Mentally preparing herself, Angel walked into the bedroom.


	13. I Can't Do This

**this is very short, i know, and i'm sorry! the next chapter will have a teeny surprise, methinks, so stay tuned! and once again, love to EVERYONE who reviewed this story! i'm an insecure idiot, and when i get reviews it makes me all smiley inside! cookies and frosting for you all!**

**and for me...munch munch, munch munch**

"Honey, do you really think you can go through with this now?"

"If I don't do it now, I'll have to do it later, Angel. It's best this way. And anyway, I'm fine." Joanne sounded firm, but the way she was wringing her hands and tapping out a double-speed version of "Clementine" with her foot on the subway floor was an indication that, in fact, she was not fine. Angel rolled her eyes and put a arm around Joanne's shoulders.

"If you think you can do it, you can. Just remember, Joanne, and I'm saying this as a good friend…Maureen loves you. I know she does. And truthfully, I think she would rather have an abortion _and_ get all that stuff removed than lose you over it." Joanne snorted and squeezed Angel's wrist.

"I don't know if I buy this whole innocent-Maureen stuff, but I want to thank you for the last couple da—weeks, actually. You know, for just staying with me and dealing with my basket case ranting." Angel smiled.

"Hey, girl, I'd do it again if you needed it. Just…promise me one thing."

"What?"

"When I fall asleep because I've stayed up for three days straight with you, don't freak out and dump water on me again." Joanne cringed.

"I was…um…worried…" Angel smiled again, but stifled a yawn. The sleep deprivation was in no way over.

"Oh, here's the stop," Angel said a few minutes later. As the train lurched to a halt, she got up and started for the door. Then she realized that Joanne was glued to her seat, staring straight ahead with wide, frightened eyes.

"Jo, we gotta go, c'mon…" Angel pulled on her arm, but Joanne refused to budge. Angel sighed.

"Honey, there's no way we're staying on this train and missing our stop, now move!" And with a sharp tug, she got Joanne up and out of the subway car seconds before the doors slid shut with a hiss. Joanne blinked as though she was coming out of a trance.

"Huh…wha?"

"Snap out of it, girl," Angel said firmly, grasping Joanne by the shoulders. Joanne stared at her. "Now let's go, we'll miss them." She grabbed Joanne's hand and pulled her towards the steps, dragging the dazed woman behind her.

"Oh my god, Angel, there she is…" Joanne stared at the bench twenty feet away, nearly hiding behind Angel at the same time. Angel sighed and stepped to the side, leaving Joanne exposed. The black woman hurriedly scurried behind her again.

"Is she looking at us? What's she doing? Oh…Angel, I can't do this, I can't, let's just go!" Angel spun and took Joanne by the shoulders. Joanne tried to pull away, but Angel held tight. She stared into her friend's eyes, trying to send strength to her.

"Listen, Joanne. You know you can do this. You're strong and you're smart, so you should know that you have it in you to face her. Maureen isn't going to go away because she cares about you, and she wants you to help her with this. She's scared and she needs someone to lean on, and right now Mimi or I can't be that someone. You can destroy her or accept that this is real and help her through it, it's your choice. Joanne, you two love each other. Remember that.

"Now, are you going to go out there and talk to her or not?"

Joanne mouthed wordlessly for a minute. She needed a boost, a kick in the pants, _something_ to make her go forward.

Apparently she found it in Angel's eyes.

Squaring her shoulders, she walked past Angel to the woman sitting on the bench.


	14. Reconciliation and No Sleep

**Here we are! rather short and not my best i think, but i try! i know i haven't addressed WHO got Maureen pregnant yet, but it's coming! thank you all for paying attention and reading, and i really do love evry single one of you! little British keychains for all!**

**luvvies! **

**-Panda**

"Mimi, don't you feel a little...oh, I don't know...guilty about this?"

"Angel, you hypocrite, don't start backing down now. It was your idea to follow them!"

"Yeah...but now it feels different. I thought that we should tag along to break things up if they got bad, only now I'm thinking maybe they deserve some privacy..."

"It's too late to back down now, you wimp. Watch it, there they go!" Mimi jumped up and, taking Angel's hand, ran forward, hiding in the shadows of the trees and bushes in the park. Maureen and Joanne, faces hidden and downcast, were walking slowly up the path, talking quietly. Angel and Mimi, who had been following them for the last fifteen minutes, had seen no evidence of fighting, at least not yet. Frankly, they would see the encounter as a success if both women survived it without drawing blood.

"Aaaaaand...they're on the bench. C'mon, let's wait here." Mimi ducked down behind a particularly large pricker bush and yanked Angel's hand, forcing her friend to her knees. Angel peered through the branches of the bush.

"Looks like they're just sitting there and talking. Joanne is doing pretty well, you've gotta admit. I'd have put money on a catfight of some sort." Mimi, who was also peering through the hedge, turned sharply to stare at her friend.

"Angel, you did not just say that."

"What?"

"That you'd have bet on them having a catfight."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did."

"Shit, did I? God, I _really_ need some sleep." Angel rubbed her eyes and sighed. Mimi nodded sympathetically and turned back to gaze through the bush. A few secodns later, she gasped.

"Oh my god!"

"What? What is it?" Angel asked, peering through the branches. "They're still just sitting there."

"Look at Maureen. Or her hands, more like it," Mimi muttered, breaking off a twig that was poking her neck. Angel looked harder and...

"Oh shit! Is she doing what I think she's doing? And...is Joanne _letting _her?"

"I think so." And indeed, Maureen was doing what should have been the impossible: she was holding Joanne's hand. And even more impossible, Joanne was letting her. Angel and Mimi couldn't believe it. And then:

"Jesus Christ, how is Maureen doing this?"

"I don't know, Angel, but I don't think I want to. Look at that: Joanne's smiling her head off all of a sudden..."

"And Maureen...is she giggling?"

"This is weird..." It went on for a little while, Angel and Mimi getting more confused by the moment. Then suddenly, the two women got up and, still holding hands, started moving down the path back towards where they had started.

"There they go...oh fuck, Angel!"

"What?"

"We have to meet them back there! Go, go, go!" Mimi got up and started making a mad dash for the original bench. Angel followed, though not without sighing. The two barely made it, and Angel was still getting the twigs out of Mimi's hair when Maureen and Joanne turned the corner and approached them, looking like (not to sound cliched, but still) two lovebirds.

"Mimi, hold still...oh hey, you two!" Angel said, twisting around and smiling in a rather strained way. Mimi also smiled, though her eyes were riveted on the two clasped hands.

"How'd it go?" asked Angel. Maureen and Joanne glanced at each other and smiled. Joanne squeezed Maureen's hand, and Maureen turned her head to grin at Angel.

"It's...it's all good, Angel. We're great, we're perfect, it's great." Joanne nodded.

"We've decided that Maureen will move back with me--"

"Thank god," muttered Mimi. Angel elbowed her.

"--and we'll decide--"

"Together," added Maureen emphatically.

"--about what to with all this." Joanne smiled again, and Maureen laid her head on her shoulder. Mimi and Angel glanced at each other.

"Um...that's great! I'm so happy for you guys!" Mimi finally said, getting up to hug her friends. Angel nodded and got up too. Maureena and Joanne, who were obviously floating in their own little world, didn't notice how strange Mimi and Angel were acting. They only hugged them and went right back to holding hands and smiling at each other.

"Sooooooo...you two probably want to be alone right now, right?" Angel didn't wait for an answer. "Why don't you go back to Joanne's apartment and we'll call you later, ok?" Maureen and Joanne nodded vaguely and walked off together, eyes locked and mouths grinning. Angel and Mimi waited until they were out of site, then collapsed back on the bench. Mimi shook her head, eyes wide.

"No matter how long I live or how hard I try, I'll never understand those two." Angel nodded and closed her eyes.

"I mean, you know how angry Joanne was and how bad at stuff like this Maureen is! And after just twenty minutes, they're the Couple of the Year? How does that happen? It's insane..." Mimi trailed off, looking confused. Angel sighed.

"Personally, if you want my opinion, I think there are two possibilities: one, Maureen is magic and didn't tell us; or two, something other than just love is keeping them together. Look at it this way; they are possibly two of the most difficult human beings in this world. I love them both, but it's true, we all know that. Now, anyone else dating either of them would have gone insane and been committed long ago, with the exception of Mark, of course. They meet and they date; they may argue, but at least they don't snap each other's minds like they would with other people. Something, God or fate or karma, take your pick, is doing the world a favor by putting them together. This something is practically saving the human beings of Earth by making sure they aren't loose and free to send the world into a rush of insanity. It's inevitable." Angel stopped talking and crossed her arms, letting her head fall back over the top of the bench. Mimi stared at her.

"Angel, you're either high or you need sleep even more desperately than I thought you did."

"God, I know. C'mon, let's go to your house and get some rest before I say something else." Mimi nodded and stood, pulling Angel up by her arm. Angel groaned and opened her eyes, blearily walking down down the path. Mimi shook back her hair and sighed.

"Besides, chances are that they'll call us and obsess about each other to us the second they stop making out." Angel nodded and shrugged.

"Mimi, I think we should charge them for everything we've done the last few days." Mimi chuckled.

"Don't put ideas in my head, girl."


	15. Acceptance

**This chapter was fun to write...it made me feel all fuzzy inside! The point is basically to explain that Maureen and Joanne are happy together now, and that they love each other. It's just a sort of day-in-the-life kind of thing. anyway...enjoy!  
**

"Uhmmm…" Joanne yawned and stretched, rolling over in bed. However instead of bumping into Maureen beside her as she had expected to, Joanne rolled onto an empty mattress. Maureen was gone.

"Honey?" Joanne called groggily, desperately trying to wake up. The bedroom was empty, but from down the hall and in the bathroom Joanne could hear choking sounds, as though someone was…

Fifteen seconds later she was kneeling beside Maureen, rubbing her back and her shoulders as the pregnant woman bent over the toilet bowl, violently emptying her stomach of any and all existing food. She threw up for another minute, then sat back, panting and wiping her sweaty brow with the back of one hand.

"Oh, poor baby, you must feel horrible," said Joanne gently, reaching up and filling a plastic cup with water from the sink. She handed it to Maureen, who took several sips to wash her mouth out. Then Joanne pulled Maureen against her, stroking her shoulders and her damp hair. Maureen curled up on the ground, relaxing into Joanne's stomach.

"That was awful…" she croaked, letting her eyes close. Joanne made a sympathetic noise and leaned down to kiss her ear.

"I know how bad it must be for you, honey…here, let's get you back to bed and—"

"No, I'm all right, I'm fine. This happened before, and I felt better right after…see, I'm feeling great now." Maureen sat up and grinned at Joanne. Indeed, she did seem better. But Joanne was not completely convinced.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Pookie…" groaned Maureen, rolling her eyes. Joanne held up her hands in a signal of surrender.

"Okay, okay, fine! I'm sorry; I'm a little new at this pregnancy thing too…" Maureen stopped rolling her eyes and smiled sheepishly.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, Pookie, I didn't mean to act all annoyed and everything. Here, let's get out of this bathroom." She got up and offered her hand to Joanne, who gladly took it. Together, they went out into the hall, turning towards the bedroom.

"Hey, baby…what're you doing today?" asked Maureen thoughtfully as she slipped a shirt on over her bra. Joanne shrugged and pulled on a sock.

"Nothing, really. I just finished that ultra-huge case, so nothing big should be coming my way for a while, and I'm completely free today." Maureen grinned and plopped down on the bed beside Joanne.

"C'mon, then."

"C'mon what?"

"We're gonna go out together, just us two for the whole day." Joanne's face lit up.

"That sounds great, honey! Where do you want to go?" Maureen giggled and poked Joanne's stomach.

"That's the best part. Neither you or I is going to have any idea where we're going. We're just going to do whatever the hell comes to mind." Joanne thought for a moment, then grinned and leaned over to kiss Maureen's left eyebrow.

"I love that idea. You want to eat breakfast here or out?"

"Hmmm…out!" Maureen leapt to her feet and pulled Joanne up, wrapping her arms around her waist. She moved in close and kissed her gently. Joanne smiled against her lips and placed her hands on Maureen's hips.

Both of them enjoyed it immensely…but finally Maureen broke away.

"There'll be time for that later, Pookie. We've gotta go!" And she turned to run out the door.

* * *

"Oooh! Baby, these would look _amazing_ on you!" squealed Maureen. Squeezing Joanne's hand, she dragged her over to the small booth set up on the sidewalk. The tiny, wrinkled little man behind the booth smiled with snaggle-teeth at them, his body wrapped in countless coats and scarves. 

"Maureen what are you talking about?" said Joanne, eyeing the many little trinkets and pieces of jewelry scattered across the top of the booth. Maureen reached down and picked up a pair of earrings. They were shaped like tiny shells, colored pearly iridescent. So they were almost certainly cheap fakes; so what? The point was they looked pretty. And they would look even prettier on Joanne.

"See? They're perfect for you! Here, look…" Maureen separated the earrings and held them up to Joanne's ears. Joanne peered into the filthy shard of mirror propped up against one corner of the booth. She smiled.

'They are nice…"

"Ollee feefty cense, ladee," the old man said in a heavy accent. Maureen nodded decidedly and fished around in her pocket, finally coming up with a quarter, three nickels, and a dime. She dropped the coins on the table and smiled at the old man, who grinned back at her like a jack'o lantern. Happily, Maureen slid the backs off the earrings and put them into Joanne's ears (a rather impressive feat, since she was wearing gloves in the cold, early February weather). She stepped back and admired them.

"Oh Pookie, they're even better than I thought! Look at you, you're such a babe!" Joanne rolled her eyes but grinned as she glanced into the mirror again. Gently, she touched one earlobe, watching as the light from a nearby neon sign shimmered in the earrings.

"Thank you, honey…they really are pretty."

"Of course they are! Now c'mon, let's go. I see a lot more stands and booths, and besides I'm fricking hungry now! There's a little café at the end of this block; we'll work our way down and have lunch there." Joanne nodded happily and threaded her arm though Maureen's. Together, they made their way down the block.

* * *

Hours later, after having trekked across most of the New York City and having bought a few more purchases (specifically a bracelet for Maureen and a hair clip for Joanne) the two women collapsed onto the bed in the apartment, hands warming each other's chilled faces. Maureen snuggled into Joanne, curling up like a little child after a snowball fight. Joanne nuzzled the top of her head and tangled her legs with Maureen's. 

"Hey, Pookie?" came Maureen's soft voice. She looked up and grinned at Joanne. "I was wondering…if you're not doing anything tonight…" Joanne grinned back.

"It's a date!"

* * *

It was 11:00 at night. Maureen and Joanne were huddled together on the couch, watching an old, fuzzy sitcom on Joanne's tiny television set. The remains of their dinner (they ate by playing a game of Mix and Match Bagels. The rules are: get as many bagels as you can. Fink every spreadable food stuff you can. Slather it onto the bagel and chow down. The winner is either the one with the best concoction or the one who gags least) lay littered on the kitchen table, and they were both wearing thick woolen socks and hats to stay even more warm. Maureen was resting her head on Joanne's chest, arms wrapped around her waist. Joanne had one leg slung over Maureen's pelvis. With one hand she stroked Maureen's forehead. 

Maureen waited until the commercial break. Then she took a deep breath, grabbed Joanne's free hand, and pulled it down to her stomach. Joanne looked down at her in surprise. Maureen took another deep breath and looked Joanne square in the eyes.

"Joanne…Pookie…I know we talked about this, and I know you forgave me. But…I need to say it again. I'm sorry that this happened, and I'm sorry I don't even know when it did or who the guy was. I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, and I'm sorry I let you think I meant for it to happen. I'm sorry I—" But Joanne gentle shushed her with a kiss. When she pulled back, she was smiling kindly at Maureen.

"Honeybear, stop it. I know you're sorry, and I understand. It's all right, don't worry about it." She paused for a moment, as though she could truly not believe she was saying this. But then she took a breath and pressed very gently on Maureen's stomach. "And who ever that baby is, they're going to have the best two mommas ever."

Maureen's head, which nodding forward, snapped up. She stared at Joanne with a kind of desperate happiness. Joanne smiled and nodded slightly. Maureen, filled with something she could not explain, gave a kind of triumphant sob and grabbed the back of Joanne's head, pushing her down so that their lips met, hard.

And they kissed and kissed and kissed by the flickering light of the television.


	16. A Short Interlude

**Yes, it's very short, and I'm sorry! I've got big chapters planned, but i need this one for various reasons. enjoy!**

"Don't you dare try to keep me out," sing-songed Angel as she sashayed into Mimi's apartment. Mimi, who had been lying on her back in bed and reading, rocked forward into a sitting position and smiled at Angel, who dumped her bag and jacket in the corner and climbed onto the mattress beside Mimi. Mimi drew her legs out from underneath the covers (she was dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt of Roger's).

"Let's see…might this energy come from the fact that you slept for a whole a day and half?" wondered Mimi aloud, grinning. Angel rolled her eyes and smiled back.

"Possibly…that and _finally_ having some alone time with Collins after this whole crazy week." Mimi stuck her tongue out and waggled it back and forth, wiggling her eyebrows at the same time. Angel snorted and shoved her playfully. Mimi squealed and crossed her legs.

"I know what you mean. It was like heaven to see Roger. Anyway," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm just glad this whole fiasco is over. At least, it is for the next eight months. Then all hell will break loose _again_, right Angel? Angel?" Angel seemed to have phased out; she was frowning at a patch of air three feet to the side of Mimi's arm. Mimi leaned forward and pinched her stomach; Angel snapped to.

"Ow! Mimi, that hurt!"

"Sorry, but you got all spaced out. You okay?"

"Yeah…see, I was just thinking about Maureen, and—"

"Oh no." Mimi was waving one finger back and forth, looking at Angel with fierce determination. "You're going to tell me that we forgot something, and then we're going to have to sort it out and kill ourselves in the process. Well, no way, girl. Everything is fine, and don't you dare tell me it's not." Angel sighed.

"Mimi, believe me, I hate to do this to you, but—"

"I'm not listening! La la la la!" Mimi clamped her hands over her ears and started singing loudly, eyes squeezed shut. Angel rolled her eyes and grabbed Mimi's wrists, forcing her hands away from her ears.

"You're acting like a baby, stop it. And we might not have to do anything, ok? It's just…well, I don't think any of us has any idea who Maureen…who did…who got Maureen pregnant, I guess. And if she doesn't want to know, that's her choice. But…don't you wonder?" Mimi shrugged and fell onto her back, staring at the ceiling.

"I do…but it's in the past. Some party a month ago…how the hell are we going to find the guy that Maureen fucked when she was drunk off her ass?" Mimi winced at her own wording. "That's not a very nice way to put it, is it?"

"Not really," Angel agreed, kicking off her heels and crossing her legs. "But it's true. I mean, there isn't any way I can think of to find him…and she'd probably kill me if I tried." Angel sighed and grabbed Mimi's foot.

"Can I do your nails?"

"Hands or toes?"

"Toes."

"Sure." Mimi reached over and grabbed a small bottle off of her bedside table. She read the label out loud.

"Violent Violet. It'll do." She tossed it to Angel, who deftly caught it and began to unscrew the cap.

"Hey…I wonder what Maureen is going to look like in eight months?" said Mimi with a snicker. Angel rolled her eyes and started on the big toe.

"Maybe she won't be too bad. My mama was huge when she had my brothers and sisters, but my aunt Anita only looked like she had gained a few pounds," she mused, wiggling the toes on her unpainted foot. Angel sighed.

"Whatever she looks like, you can bet that Roger and Mark will make fun of her." Mimi propped herself up on her elbows and frowned at Angel.

"Collins will too!"

"Maybe. It's better if he does, actually."

"Why?"

"Well," said Angel with a grin, "he's got good reflexes. That'll make it easier to duck when she throws stuff…"


	17. Rose Shirts and Pain

**hey, everyone! Here's another chapter hot off the press, and i hope you like it! The next chapter...well, I have a feeling you might like it a lot. But this one is a bit of build-up, i think.**

**luvvies! **

"Oh, Maureen, how about this one?"

"Eeeeew, no! That would make me look like a dying rosebush." Maureen glared disgustedly at the garment Angel was holding out to her: a large, filmy shirt with a pattern of giant roses on it. Mimi and Joanne sighed, while Angel rolled her eyes and replaced the shirt on the rack.

It had been six months since Maureen's initial announcement, and the half year had certainly changed her. Instead of the slender, sexy diva she had been before, Maureen's stomach region was now the approximate size of a small, Third-World county. The rest of her body, besides swollen ankles, was not much changed. Still, the gigantic swell of pregnancy was one that did not seem natural on Maureen, and she didn't seem embarrassed to complain about it. Now she glared at her friends and girlfriend as they searched the store's shelves and racks for _some_ kind of maternity clothes she would wear.

"Maureen, honey, can't you just try it on?"

"No! Nothing here will look good anyway; what's the point of trying it on?" Maureen leaned back against the wall, her crossed arms resting on her belly. Mimi turned back to the rack and started sifting through clothes, while Angel took a seat on a small bench. Joanne went over to Maureen and took her hands, squeezing them gently.

"Honeybear, I know you don't like it. But the fact is that your normal clothes don't fit anymore, and well…you can't actually be naked. Sorry to disappoint you, but you know…" Maureen rolled her eyes, but even she had to crack a smile. With a sigh that implied she was sacrificing more than anyone had ever been asked to before, she grabbed the rose shirt and the half dozen others that had been set aside and headed for the dressing rooms of the small corner shop. Joanne happily followed.

"Thank god for that…ooh, look! A jewelry display! Angel, come see!" Mimi skipped off to the display, noticing just as she arrived that Angel wasn't with her. She turned back and wove her way through the racks of clothing until—

Until she caught sight of Angel seconds before she burst out beside her. Mimi ducked behind a lotion display and peered around the side at her friend.

Angel was still sitting on the bench, but she did not look relaxed or calm. Instead, one arm was wrapped around her own stomach, and the other was bracing itself against the back of the bench. Her hands were clenched and her jaw was locked, while her eyes were squeezed shut. Even from her hiding place, Mimi could see that almost every muscle in Angel's body was taught and stiff. A strange pallor had appeared on her face in the few seconds that she had been alone.

Mimi was scared. She had only seen Angel look like this once before; five years ago, about eight months before they left for New York. While escaping from a shop-lifting of Mimi's gone wrong, Angel had accidentally fallen from the top of a twelve-foot fence. She had landed on her arm, but when Mimi ran to her, she only yelled for her to run, sprang to her feet, and followed. When they had gone several blocks and Mimi turned to gloat with her friend, she found Angel leaning against a building on the street, pale and stiff, eyes closed, cradling her badly broken arm with her good one. Mimi had rushed her to the doctor where, after explaining that Angel had fallen from a tree, Angel received a cast and instructions to come back for its removal in three months.

The cast eventually came off and Mimi managed to stop apologizing for the whole thing shortly after, but there was one thing that she had learned from the whole incident. Angel was one who did not let pain rule her; when it got too great, she shut herself off and clenched every muscle in her body until the pain dissipated. It was her defense mechanism against pain; the way she was born.

And now, as Mimi watched her, she wondered in alarm: what pain was Angel going through now?

"Angel…?" she said softly, coming out from behind the display. Angel did not seem to hear her. Mimi walked over to the bench and sat beside her friend, gently putting one hand on her arm. This snapped Angel to attention. She blinked and relaxed, her hands falling out of fists and her her shoulders sagging slightly.

"Oh, Mimi…weren't you at the jewelry thing?"

"Yeah, I was, but I came back. Girl, are you all right? You didn't look so—"

"I'm fine, Mimi." The unexpected sharpness in Angel's voice surprised Mimi unpleasantly. "It was only a stomach ache. I'm fine, I promise." Mimi stared at her friend, who was still slightly pale. She opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment, Maureen and Joanne appeared.

"Well, what do you think?" Joanne said happily, twirling Maureen by her shoulders. Maureen blushed, not an easy thing to make her do.

"Oh, Mo, it's beautiful!" And it was. The rose shirt draped itself becomingly to her gigantic form, making it look much more graceful than before. It was perfect for her.

"You like it? I think it's okay…" Maureen sounded as though she was suppressing some great joy. Angel got up and went to her, running a gentle hand over her belly.

"You look amazing in it, honey. Your baby's gonna have such a pretty mama!" Maureen laughed and clasped Angel's hand in hers. Mimi still sat on the bench, her eyes riveted on Angel. She could not get the pale, pained Angel out of her head.

And although Mimi didn't know it then…

That was only the beginning of what would happen to Angel.

**I know, depressing! But Angel does get sick, and...WAAAAAAH! I CAN'T STAND IT ! ANGEL!**

**Ok, sorry, sorry...but stay tuned!**


	18. Something

**This is short, because i have a time limit with hich to write. But i promise, the next chapter will be long, the wheels are in motion. haha!**

**luvvies!**

"Ok, see you guys soon." Maureen put down the phone and sighed, one hand drifting over her swollen belly. From within, she felt a small kick, a sensation that had frightened her at first, but now seemed almost pleasurable. It was one of the only things keeping her going right now, with so much going wrong; Mimi and Roger cracking apart at the seams, Angel in the hospital…

The hospital. That's where she was going now, where she had just finished calling. Everyone else except Mark and Joanne was there: Mark was at the loft working on some footage (Angel's orders that he couldn't neglect his film for her sake) and Joanne at work. Maureen herself hadn't visited since two days ago because her doctor had told her that long trips like that weren't good for her or the baby. She had of course balked, but everyone, including Angel, was adamant about it. After all, a woman who was eight months pregnant could no longer take risks. Still, she, like the others, had seen how steadily Angel's health was decreasing. Every moment was precious, and they all knew that.

Maureen patted her belly again and started towards her room, where her shoes were. But before she had taken two steps, something happened. And not just a something.

A _something_.

Maureen stopped in her tracks. There was a strange feeling in her abdomen, stranger than all of the ones she had felt during these last eight months. It was so strange that, for a frightening moment, she thought she might black out, But then the world steadied and the feeling was spreading, spreading though her and curling around her pelvis…She knew all of a sudden what was happening. It didn't matter that it was a month early; it didn't matter that no one was prepared. All that mattered was that now, right now, the process had started.

She was going into labor.

Razor-sharp thoughts pierced her mind. _You need to get to the hospital, and you can't do that alone. So call someone. Who's closest? Mark is, he's at the loft. So call Mark._ Like a zombie, she dialed the well-known number and held the receiver to her ear. The strange feeling was so strong now that she was having a hard time keeping her knees from buckling.

"Hello?" Mark's voice. She calmed herself and opened her mouth.

"Mark? It's Maureen." Her voice sounded strange to her.

"Oh hey, Maureen, what's up?"

"Mark, I'm going into labor." Silence on his end. She spoke again.

"Mark, I'm going into labor, and I need to get to the hospital. I need your help."

"Buh—buh—it's only been eight months, you can't—"

"Mark, I'm going into labor." The same phrase, repeated three times. She was feeling woozy now. When he next spoke, she clung to his stuttering voice like a lifeline.

"Um, ok, ok, what do you need? Should I come over there, should I--?"

"I need your help getting to the hospital."

"Ok, I got it, I got it, I'll be there as soon as I can, just hold on, ok? Hold on." The click of the phone hanging up—and then silence.

Maureen began breathing fast. It was moving faster, things were happening…she sank to her knees, hands pressing hard on the carpet to steady herself. To keep from blacking out, she started to chant—times tables.

"One times one is one. Two times one is two. Three times one is three." The repetition helped, and Maureen went on and on. But Mark made good time. She had only just reached the twelves when he burst through the door.


	19. Late For A Good Reason

**Wassup? Here's the next chapter, and it's not big or anything, But trust me...the chapter after this one is number 20, and i have something special planned for that one! and don't worry...Angel's not going anywhere for the moment.**

"Where is she?" said Mimi worriedly, glancing at the clock on the wall behind Angel's hospital bed. Roger, who was sitting in the chair a foot away from her, sighed.

"Mimi, its Maureen. She lives by the Queen motto or whatever: she's never late, everyone else is just early." Angel and Collins stifled laughs. Mimi crossed her arms and checked the clock again.

"But she said she was going to be here more than fifteen minutes ago. Doesn't that seem a little…too much late?" Angel leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"Honey, she's coming. Don't worry, she's probably fine." The last word caught in her throat, and suddenly she was coughing. It wasn't a giant coughing fit or anything, but it seemed to last forever. Collins, who was sitting beside Angel on the right side of the bed, put one hand on her back and rubbed gently. Mimi and Roger exchanged glances that were quick, but easy to read.

Finally, Angel managed to stop coughing. Winding down with a great, shuddering hack, she leaned back onto her pillow, suddenly half exhausted.

"Angel, you want some water or something?" asked Mimi anxiously, about to get up from her perch by Angel's feet. Angel waved a hand at her.

"No, I'm fine." Her voice was painfully hoarse. Now Collins and Roger exchanged looks. Mimi raised her eyebrows.

"Fine just like Maureen is—"

"HERE!" yelled Mark as he burst through the door. It banged open with such force that the resulting slam sent a gunshot-like sound through the room; that and Mark's shout might have accounted for the way that everyone jumped about two full feet in the air.

"_Jesus_, Mark, knock before coming in," gasped Roger, who was holding his chest. Angel was rubbing her head where she had banged it on a piece of hospital machinery, and Collins had nearly bitten his tongue off. Mimi glared at Mark, who was standing in the doorway, looking disheveled and hysterical.

"What the hell do you mean by 'here'?" Mark opened and closed his mouth a few times, then spoke.

"MaureencalledmeandshewasgoingintolaborsoIbroughthertothehospitalandohmygodshegoingtohaveababy!"

Silence.

"What?" said everyone at the same time. Mark took a deep breath and actually separated the words in his sentence.

"Maureen called me and told me she was going into labor, so I brought her to the hospital and she's here and oh my god, she's going to have a baby, I'm not kidding, so let's go!" He turned and made to run out into the hall. He would have too, if Roger (demonstrating superb athletic ability) hadn't jumped up and grabbed him by the neck of his sweater. Mark stopped in his tracks, though his legs, which were already moving, nearly flew out from under him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mark. Calm down and tell us what's really going on." Mark blinked at him.

"But this is what's going on! Maureen is here in the hospital and she is going to have a baby!" Roger looked as though he didn't believe Mark, but the others seemed to. Angel was sitting straight up in bed, while both Collins and Mimi were half on their feet.

"Mark, it's only been eight months, she can't possibly be giving birth now…"

"I don't care if it's been 20 plus years, she's having a baby!"

"Are you sure?" Roger said, raising an eyebrow. Mark looked as though strangling Roger was becoming a very tempting possibility.

"YES!"

"Shit." Roger let go of Mark's collar and pushed past him, running out the door. Mark was close on his heels. Mimi jumped up and followed. Collins hesitated only a moment, until Angel said almost wildly, "Go, go!", before running after them.

Angel sat alone in her room, wide eyes staring at the open door. Her heart was pounding, and Maureen's name spiraled around in her mind. For a moment, the world swam in front of her eyes and started to go black, but Angel firmly pushed herself back into clear consciousness.

_You are not the sort of person who faints when things start moving fast_, she told herself. Still, since she knew there was no way in hell she could get out of bed, Angel suddenly felt pretty useless.

And then it struck her: Joanne. Joanne didn't know.

Almost without thinking, Angel reached and grabbed the telephone on the table next to her bed, sliding it into her lap, she began to dial.

**short, i know! but at least it's here! **


	20. The Biggie

**This chapte is super long, so make sure you're comfy. It might shock some of you, but i'll leave that up to my lovely readers. This chapter is for two people: my friend Phia, whose obsession with staplers knows no bounds, and aspirer, who has been probably one of the most amazing reviewers, teahcers and writers for all my time on this sihgt. This chapter might suck, but it for people, so be nice!**

"What? Are you kidding? I can't—"

"You're a professor, aren't you always seeking new knowledge in the world? Now get in there!" Roger shoved Collins forward, and the nurse nodded. She was an old lady with frizzy grey hair and a kind face. She came forward and put a hand on Collins's arm.

"Dear, you should really be in there with your wife. It often helps women go through birth more easily."

"Wife? What the hell, she's not—"

"It's perfectly all right, dear. Everyone is ashamed of marriage in this day and age, but I myself find a good man who marries someone he loves much preferable to…others." The nurse glared at Roger, who opened his mouth indignantly. Mimi stepped hard on his foot, and he closed it, though not without a whimper of pain. Mark leaned forward urgently.

"Collins, go in with Maureen. We'll call Joanne, and then you can leave, but she needs someone right now."

"Well, why don't you people go in with her?" asked Collins. He seemed more afraid than angry. Mark shook his head.

"You're the only one of us who can handle her, that's the truth. And," he said, glancing at the nurse, "you are her husband."

"Oh, you're going to be sorry for that, you pumpkin-headed albino—"

"Dear, just come with me. Don't worry, everyone gets nervous." The nurse pulled on Collins's arm. He looked helplessly at Mimi, who nodded, and then glared at Mark and Roger, who shrugged.

"Fine. But you three owe me your eternal souls," he said, pointing at them. The nurse cheerfully dragged him through the double doors into the maternity ward. Once he was gone, Mark slumped against the wall and Roger sank into a plastic chair. Mimi crossed her arms and sighed.

"Ok. First thing to do: call Joanne. She'd kill us if she missed anything."

"I think we can check it off the list," said Roger, staring at something behind Mimi. Mark and Mimi turned to see Joanne running up the hospital hallway, her eyes wide.

"Joanne? What are you—?"

"Where is she?" Joanne demanded, skidding to a halt next to Mimi. She looked around wildly, whipping Mimi in the face with her hair.

"Where is she, where's Maureen? Take me to her!" Joanne wheeled and marched over to the desk, where a pretty blond receptionist was typing on a computer. The others looked at each other, then ran after her.

"Excuse me, miss? Who's Maureen?" The young woman looked up, only to get a faceful of a hysterical Joanne.

"She's in there and she's about to give _birth_? Let me in, for god's sake, she's my—"

"Sister!" exclaimed Mimi, cutting Joanne off. The receptionist raised her eyebrows.

"What's your name?"

"Joanne…Johnson." Joanne was looking at Mimi like she wanted to kiss her and strangle her at the same time. Behind them, Roger and Mark were praying that receptionist hadn't seen Maureen.

"Hmmm…Maureen Johnson was only recently submitted to the maternity ward. It seems her husband went in with her."

"Husband?" Joanne looked shocked. Mimi stepped on her foot and said pointedly, "Yeah, _Tom._ You know, the guy she's married to…?"

"Ah. All right, well, she needs me for this. I must insist on admittance."

"Well…ooh, it's Richard!" The receptionist glanced back at the computer, which had just dinged to signal an email. Joanne blinked and said, "So…can I go in?"

"Sure, sure, go on in. Oh, he's such a tease…" The receptionist giggled. They all exchanged looks, then Joanne headed for the double doors. Mark went after her.

"Wait, Joanne! You need those." He pointed to the box of hospital scrubs sitting on the reception desk. Joanne grabbed a set and ran through the doors.

"Ok…what now?" Roger asked. Mark sighed and sat down in the recently vacated chair.

"Now we wait. That's just about all we can do, I think." Mimi put her hand on her hip.

"Well, I'm gonna go see Angel. I bet she's going crazy over not being allowed out of bed." Roger waved half-heartedly at her and sank into the chair beside Mark. Mimi turned and strode down the hall.

* * *

"Mimi? That you?" 

"Angel! Oh my god, was it you who called Jo?" Mimi dived inside Angel's room and sat on the end of her bed, taking Angel's hands in her own. Angel sat up and nodded.

"I called her; seemed like the only useful thing I could do. What's happening?"

"Well, we forced Collins into the maternity ward with Maureen, and Joanne went in too." Angel laughed.

"Poor Collins. I'm going to have to help him heal the trauma being in there were Mo is going to bring him." Mimi giggled and sighed, squeezing Angel's hands.

"Mark says all we can do now is wait. Oh god…our Mo is going to be a mom! I can't believe it!" Angel smiled and nodded, her eyes suddenly faraway.

"Jeez…it was a while ago, that whole big thing we went through to keep those two together. Hey, remember how we hid in that alleyway for maybe forty minutes while Mo and Jo were in the restaurant?" Mimi laughed.

"That was classic. Oh, and how Joanne emptied a bucket of water over you when you fell asleep?"

"And how we dragged Mo off to Collins to tell him, and then we went and got her an HIV test, and after all of that, we still managed to convince her to tell Joanne that same day?"

"And Maureen got cravings at the park and ate three bags of chocolate-covered cashews in three minutes?"

"I remember that so well…but it was when I could go out, I guess." Angel looked down at her lap. Mimi sensed that something was wrong.

"Angel? Girl, what is it?" Angel looked back up, and Mimi saw tears in her eyes.

"Mimi, I've faced the fact that I'm not getting out of this hospital again. I'm okay with never feeling wind again, or watching winter turn into spring, or spending a day in Central Park, no matter what the season. But what I can't deal with…is leaving you. All of you guys, but especially you and…" Her throat seized and Angel couldn't speak. But Mimi knew all too well who she was talking about. As Angel started to cry, Mimi held her close and stroked her back, even though she herself was trembling.

"And…and I'll never get to see Maureen's baby grow up, I'll never get to be a part of its life like you will. I'm not going to see the first time Joanne gets driven up the wall, or…" Angel wiped her eyes and leaned back, smiling ruefully. "Or watch the bags get darker and darker under Mo's eyes when she stays up for a week straight. Or watch them give the baby to Roger when he's yelling for them not to, and then laugh when he won't give it back." Mimi smiled and rubbed her shoulder.

"You'll be there for all those things, Ang. I swear you will." Angel shook her head.

"It's done, Mimi. I've been given a deadline." She grimaced. "Cruel irony, I guess." Mimi felt her bottom lip tremble, and all of a sudden, she threw her arms around Angel and pulled her close.

"You've got to get better, Angel, you've just got to, please…" she sobbed, feeling like a five-year-old again. This time, Angel stroked her back and soothed her, but this only made Mimi cry harder. And finally, when she pulled back and rubbed her eyes, she could see that Angel was right. Her skin was pale and she was much thinner than before; there was a certain weakness in her body that radiated outwards. However painful it might be, the truth was that Angel was dying.

"Honey, it's okay. It's going to be all right. And hey, I'll probably be around to celebrate Halloween with you, that's only in a few weeks!" Mimi nodded and sniffed.

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now go and wait with the boys; the minute something happens, you come tell me."

"Okay, Angel. Love you."

"Love you too." Angel settled back onto her pillows as Mimi quietly left the room, but she didn't sleep. She only stared at the wall and remembered.

* * *

"Any updates?" asked Mimi as she came up on Mark and Roger. They shook their heads. 

"I think it could be a while; we're just sitting and waiting." Mimi nodded and sat down beside Roger, leaning her head on his shoulder. Most days, he would have pushed her away. Now, he put his arm around her.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Mimi might have fallen asleep, or she might not have. All she knew was that, when she next looked at the clock, it read four hours later that when she had last looked. Sitting up and stretching, Mimi looked around. Mark and Roger had fallen asleep, all right; they had slumped towards each other, heads resting on top of the other's. She smiled wearily. If only she had a camera…too bad Mark's was at the loft.

Mimi knew that some births could take more than twenty-four hours, but she was already restless. Finally, she decided to visit Angel. She was probably bored out of her mind, being alone for so long.

But when Mimi got to Angel's room, she found that Angel too had finally dropped off to sleep. She lay on her side, breathing slowly and peacefully. Mimi almost left, but then she walked inside and lay down next to Angel, one hand gently stroking her forehead as she tried to soak up her friend's…life.

When Mimi next looked at the clock, she was shocked to see that another two hours had gone by. Afraid that something had happened, she jumped up and ran back, but everything was the same: Mark and Roger had even sort of shifted into a hugging position. Mimi giggled and sat down by Roger again. Unhappy to ruin the pose, she leaned against Roger and was just about to close her eyes when the sound of double doors opening reached her ears, and then she, "Mimi! Roger! Mark! Goddamn it, where are you guys?"

"Collins?...Collins!" Mimi sat bolt upright, her head whipping over to the double doors. Collins stood there, wearing a hospital gown and shoes over his normal clothes. A mask was covering the lower section of his face, and he was glancing around furtively. He started when he saw her.

"Mimi! Come here, and get the guys up." Mimi shook the two men sharply and stood, running to Collins. Behind her, Mark and Roger slowly woke up.

"Mmmm…Mark?"

"Yeah, Roger?"

"Why are you hugging me?"

"I'm hugging you, you're hugging me."

"You idiot, that's not—"

"Guys! Over here!" Collins beckoned from by the doors. Mark and Roger sprang apart and leapt up, making for Collins. When they got there, Mimi was already pulling down the mask.

"Col, what's up? Is Mo…?" She trailed off as she was the grimness of his expression. He shook his head and sighed. Mark and Roger pressed closer, and Mimi clung to Roger's arm.

"Collins…what is it?" Collins shook his head again and looked down, not looking any of them in the eye. Finally, he spoke, his voice low and painful.

"The doctors said…that it wasn't going well, you know, because it was a month early….but they didn't think anything was that wrong, until…she…oh, god." Mimi gasped and pressed a hand to her mouth. Mark blanched, and Roger said, very slowly, "Collins. Is…Maureen…okay?"

"She's all right for now, they have her on something to help her stay awake and to dull the pain. But…they say that they're going to have to an emergency cut, a C-section I think, or we'll lose both Maureen and the baby. I got a minute to come out and tell you guys…but I should go back." He looked up, and they could see he was struggling to hold back tears. Drawing a shaky breath, he touched Mimi's arm and turned, walking back through the double doors.

"Oh my god…Mo…" Mimi suddenly felt her legs turn to water. Roger caught her before she hit the ground, and he pressed her to his chest as she sobbed. Mark, pale as death, walked shakily back to the chairs and sat down, his head dropping into his hands.

* * *

"Angel? You awake?" 

"Mimi! C'mon in, girl, and tell me what's…Mimi, what's wrong? Oh my god, what's wrong?" Mimi sat on Angel's bed, her face pale and her hands shaking. Angel grabbed her arm and searched her face, terrified.

"It's not Mo, is it? Oh my god, is Mo—"

"She's okay for now, but they're going to make a cut. It's an emergency one…and they don't know if she or the baby will make it out." Angel's mouth dropped open. She let go of Mimi's arm and sank backwards onto her pillows. For a moment, her eyes started to roll back into her head, but she shook herself and they focused again.

"I almost fainted earlier, I won't do it now. But Mimi…this was supposed to be a good thing, not something that might make us lose Maureen! She can't do this…I'm the one who goes first, not her! Me…" Angel stared at the ceiling, and Mimi saw tears forming again. Angel blinked them back.

"Angel…"

"Go back."

"What?"

"Go back and wait to find out what's happened." Mimi nodded and stood up. She leaned over and kissed Angel's cheek.

"I'm doing what I haven't done for years; I'm praying, Angel. I'll do anything to help her make it through…I swear I will." Angel nodded, but didn't look away from the ceiling. Mimi sighed and walked out the door. _This was turning into a nightmare_, she thought as she walked back towards the waiting room.

The waiting went on for what felt like hours, though when Mimi next checked it had been forty-five minutes. Roger was pacing so fast, he knocked over a passing nurse. Mark had not moved from his place in his seat. Mimi leaned against the wall and prayed; over and over and over. Why she had never prayed for Angel before, she didn't know. Maybe now, the threat was more real…

"Guys! Over here!" The voice they had all been waiting for called out to them. Everyone spun to see Collins by the double doors, still dressed in hospital scrubs.

The Kentucky Derby has never had a contestant that matched the speed those three used to reach the door.

"What's happening, what's the deal, _is she okay?_" The questions flew at Collins from Mark and Roger, but Mimi, who got there first, didn't bother with words. She reached up and slipped his mask down, knowing that the surest answer she could get was from his expression.

Yet, if she hadn't been so preoccupied with his mask, she might have noticed the message loud and clear in his eyes.

It didn't matter at all, tough. Because she knew it all the moment the mask left his face, knew it all the moment she was his ecstatic, wide-open grin spreading across his face.

"She's okay…the cut was perfect. Maureen is going to be as good as ever, that's certain." Mimi let loose with a shriek of joy and nearly jumped on Roger, who held her tight and tried to stop grinning. Mark also tried, although his efforts were more to stop the hysterical, relieved laughter than just the grinning.

"That's so, so, so GREAT! And the baby?" Mimi asked, suddenly remembering the other person involved. Mark and Roger stopped grinning and turned back to Collins, who sighed. A pang went through each heart.

Then Collins said, "I don't think baby is exactly the right word to use."

"What, did Maureen give birth to a stapler or something?" asked Roger. Collins rolled his eyes and grinned harder, shaking his head.

"No, she did not give birth to a stapler. And she didn't give birth to a baby, either. Or should I say, baby _singular._"

Mark got it first. His eyes bulged, and he clutched Collins's arm.

"You mean—"

"Yep. Our dear friend Maureen Johnson had—"

"OH MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!"

"—twins."

**SURPRISE!**


	21. After

"Where is she? Is she okay? Are they okay? Oh my god, twins…" Angel stared at Mimi, her eyes wide and her mouth open. Mimi grinned and nodded.

"I can't believe it either. But Collins says that everyone is fine, and we can see Maureen and Joanne tomorrow."

"And the babies…?"

"Tomorrow also. They have to…I actually don't know what, but the babies need a check-up or something. Anyway, we can see them all tomorrow." Angel sighed and grinned, clutching Mimi's hands.

"This is so wonderful, I just…I just can't believe that Maureen went through this." Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Don't be proud yet. Mo has twenty odd years of parenting ahead. We can be proud of her if she makes it through that." Angel laughed.

"Knowing our Mo, she'll make it through fine. And she'll kick ass too. I wish I could see what those babies will be like when they get grown up." Mimi's face fell, and she opened her mouth to say something. Angel hushed her.

"We already talked this through; let's not get into it again. It's the truth, and I know it. Don't worry." Mimi nodded and bit her lip. There was a moment of silence, then Angel cleared her throat and asked, "So what's everyone else doing? Where are they?" Mimi giggled.

"Well, Mark sort of freaked out and he refuses to leave tonight, so he's sleeping in the hospital like Collins has been doing. And frankly, Roger just said okay. _I'm_ not leaving, so I guess it means there's going to be a slumber party here tonight."

"Hell yes!" Angel said happily. Then she frowned. "But they can't sleep in here like Collins does…the nurses are literally putting their jobs on the line, letting him do that. It's not—"

"Don't worry," Mimi assured her. "They're going to sleep in the waiting room. I think we've all gone insane, actually, so I won't mind doing that." Mimi sighed and took one of Angel's hands in one of hers, pressing it against her forehead. "God, Angel, you would not believe how hard we had to work to keep Mark from really going crazy. Roger had to practically pin him to the ground, and Collins was preparing to borrow some laughing gas." Angel giggled.

"He was relieved. I know I was." Mimi raised her eyebrows.

"At least you didn't laugh like that freakish yellow talking sponge on TV. Mark was scaring people." Angel giggled again. Before either of them could say another word, the door opened and Collins stepped in.

"Everything ok in here?"

"Hey, honey! Don't ask me that, you're the one who has reason not to be ok." Angel stretched out a hand to Collins like a little child reaching out to a parent. He took it and kissed the fingertips as he sat wearily in the chair beside his bed.

"I see you've gotten an energy boost from this." Angel nodded happily. Mimi smiled and leaned over to kiss Collins's cheek.

"You, on the other hand, look like you need some serious anesthesia." Collins rubbed his eyes. Angel stroked his arm.

"Yeah, being around Maureen for about six or seven hours when she's angry like a bull and then high like a bird is not my idea of a day off." Mimi snorted. Angel made a sympathetic noise.

"You need some sleep. Are Mark and Roger settled?" Collins groaned and rolled his eyes.

"It's horrible. The staff thinks they're…cute." He said the word like it was a profanity beyond even his capacity. "I mean, it's like they're five year olds to those old nurse-types. They got blankets, they got water, they got everything except a bedtime story. Mimi, Roger made a place for you, by the way. They've rigged up some chair thing, they'll explain it." Mimi and Angel were struggling to swallow laughter by now. Collins grinned tiredly.

"I can't wait to see it. In fact, I don't think I will wait." Mimi stood, smoothing out her shirt. She leaned down and kissed Angel's check, then patted Collins' shoulder. "Both of you get some rest. We all went through a lot today." With a little wave, Mimi exited.

"Think she'll be okay?" Angel wondered aloud. Collins snorted.

"If she can make it through Mark's spaz-fest, she can do anything." Letting out a long breath, Collins stood and gestured at Angel. "Move over, pleeeeaasse?" She smiled and scooted over to one side of the bed.

"You ask so nicely, one night I'll have to do what you say." Collins laughed and lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Angel sighed and leaned back against him, feeling safer and calmer simply by touching him. His head drooped forward, and he gently nuzzled her soft natural hair.

"Are you really okay?" she asked quietly. He nodded and stroked her stomach with two fingers.

"You?" Angel smiled to herself and found his hand with her own, squeezing it gently.

"All right. This whole thing…I just got scared." Collins made a low noise in the back of his throat as agreement. "But now…Mo is ok, and so is everyone else. Plus, we got two tiny people instead of one." He chuckled and settled back, feeling the heavy lead-like sensation of deep weariness. She sensed this and laid her head back, resting it just beneath his chin. Collins smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"Night, Angel."

"Night." Slowly, the rhythms of their breathing merged, and they drifted off to sleep.


	22. Road Trip

**ayup! here's another one! The babies are in the next chapter...whoopee!**

Angel was first to wake up. Her eyes slowly blinked open, and she blinked blearily. Her hospital room came into focus, and Angel had a giant urge to go back to sleep. In fact, she was halfway through closing her eyes again when she suddenly remembered what had happened the day before.

A grin spread across her face, and she sat up. Sunlight was streaming in through the flimsy hospital curtains, and the drone of New York City was already buzzing cheerfully in the background. Angel felt what she had supposed to be her pillow breathing, and she twisted around to see that it was, in fact, Collins (though really, it was easy to mistake him for a pillow. He was just so…pillowesque). He was pressed up against the back of her bed, his head lolling onto his shoulders and his arms still loosely wrapped around her waist. For a moment, Angel just watched him affectionately. Then she leaned backwards and kissed him gently.

That woke him up. His eyes slowly opened as he involuntarily kissed her back. After a moment of orientation, he realized what was going on and smiled against her lips. Angel pulled away and said happily, "Now tell me that's not better than an alarm clock."

He stretched and yawned. "I never said it wasn't." She waited from him to get his bearings. Then she opened her mouth to say something. However, Angel never got that far. The door banged open and Mimi stumbled in, dark circles under her eyes and limbs dangling like limp noodles. With a moan, she collapsed forward onto the end of Angel's bed, nearly breaking her chin against Angel's shin. As it was, she was off by only a few inches.

"Hard night, hon?" Angel asked sympathetically as Collins creakingly got up from the bed and went into her room's bathroom to splash cold water on his face. Mimi groaned against and lifted her head, propping her jaw up on Angel's ankle so that she stared forward.

"I have just spent the last six hours tossing and turning on a fortress of hospital chairs that insisted on separating and dumping me on the floor. And when I finally got them to stay, Mark's snoring kept me up! And then there was the matter of the armrest in my back. God…not only do I have absolutely no sleep, I have the mother, father, and freakish great-uncle of all headaches." Angel raised her eyebrows and leaned down to pat Mimi's forehead.

"Poor baby, you really _did_ get no sleep. Well, don't worry. Collins?"

"Yeah?" Collins replied, coming out of the bathroom, water still in his hair.

"Take me to the cafeteria and get her that coffee you're addicted to. If it gets _you_ as awake as it does, it's guaranteed to wake Mimi here up." Collins took one look at Mimi and raised his eyebrows with a nod.

"Aye, aye. To the espresso machine." He left the room, though not without giving Angel a kiss on the cheek and poking Mimi's shoulder gently. Mimi coughed and groaned a third time.

"Angel, I really don't think coffee—"

"Don't diss this coffee, honey. It works, trust me. Anyway, where are Marky and Roger? I take it that Mark got some sleep, since you had to deal with his snoring." Mimi stuck out her tongue at the wall.

"They were out cold the whole night. Collins should find them in the cafeteria eating fucking breakfast. Bastards," she muttered. Angel snickered; unfortunately, it turned into a cough, and soon developed into a fit of coughing that Angel simply could not stop. It was often like that in the mornings; her throat, soothed by a night of silence, would catch on any little thing and scrape itself raw for the day. It had started now, and it could not stop. Mimi, alarmed and startled, scrambled up off Angel's legs and went to her, trying desperately to wake up enough to help her. But even had she been completely alert, there was nothing she could have done. Angel's body would not allow the coughs to cease, and Angel was jerked this way and that with their force. One hand was clamped to her mouth in a vain attempt to stifle the coughing, but for one moment it fell away as Angel spasmed; Mimi could see that there was a red stain on it, almost as if Angel was coughing up…

The fit eventually wound down, ending with a final hack that shook Angel's frame like an earthquake. Angel lay back, gasping and pressing the palms of her hands hard against the sheets. Mimi stood beside her feeling wore than useless, half-awake and generally unhappy. The best she could do was use her sleeve to wipe some of the sweat on Angel's brow off.

"Hey, we're all ba—whoa, Ang, you okay?" Collins swiftly put down the Styrofoam tray of coffee on a chair and hurried to Angel's side. Behind him, Mark and Roger stood awkwardly in the door, looking like they didn't know what to do. Mimi stood back so that Collins could have easy access to Angel.

"Coughing again?" She nodded weakly, eyes closed and breathing raspy. He stroked her forehead and nodded. "Okay, you think you can handle water?" Another nod. "I'll be right back." And Collins went into the bathroom to get a cup of water, while Mimi and Mark and Roger watched as Angel struggled to calm her tortured body.

"So they're there? We can see them?"

"Yep. Moved to the baby prison or whatever this morning. We can go whenever we want." Mimi grinned and kissed Roger lightly, bouncing up and down on the tips of her toes. A dose of the coffee had done her good.

A _lot_ of good.

"That's great! Okay, Collins and I will get Angel ready, you and Mark go get the…thingy." He rolled his eyes and grinned.

"Sure. The thingy is on its way. C'mon, Mark." Mark, who was ogling a passing nurse, snapped to.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure." Roger gave Mimi a long-suffering look, then grabbed Mark's arm and dragged him down the hallway. Mimi giggled and went into the hospital room, where Angel was trying to convince Collins that she was fine to be left alone.

"I cough every morning, it's nothing to worry about. Look, I'm fine now, honey, and even if I weren't, I can deal with being alone." Angel was still pale and she had not yet completely sat up, but her voice was clear and strong again. Collins looked at her skeptically.

"Angel—"

"Don't do that; don't use that 'here-we-go-again' expression. I am all right; what part of that do you not understand?" Although Angel sounded sharp, it was easy to see that she didn't really mean it. It was even easier to see what she actually wanted.

"Angel, stop it. You sound like an old married person, and Collins isn't doing anything to deserve _that_." Mimi rolled her eyes and went over to Angel, putting a hand on her arm. Angel glared at her.

"The man won't listen. I keep telling him—"

"For God's sake, Mimi, are they here yet?" Collins asked desperately. Mimi gave him a sympathetic look and said, "Check out the window; they should be here any second now."

"Who? Mark and Roger? Where have they gone?" Angel demanded. Ignoring her questions, Mimi went and got a yellow and brown blanket that Maureen had brought a few weeks ago. She turned to Collins and gestured at the pillows.

"Get her one, she'll want it. Those things can be uncomfortable, I bet." Collins nodded and pulled a pillow gently out from behind Angel. She sagged backwards, but struggled to sit up.

"What are you two talking about? What—" She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Mimi, who was grinning, grasped the doorknob in one hand. Collins went to stand beside Angel, and he put a hand on her arm.

"Presenting the new means of transportation for one Angel Dumott Schunard," he announced, and Mimi swung the door open. Behind it stood Mark and Roger, who were beaming and holding…

…a wheelchair.

Angel stared silently for a moment. Then, wide-eyed, she turned to Collins. "Baby, what…what is this for?" He pretended to looked offended.

"You didn't think we'd go to see Mo's kids without you, did you?"

"You need to be there for it to be as special as it should be," Mimi chimed in.

"I know it would mean a lot to her," said Mark gently, smiling.

"And really, she'll just murder us if we don't find _some_ way to bring you along," Roger said with a shrug. Mark elbowed him, but Angel giggled. Her eyes were bright, though with excitement or tears or both they couldn't be sure. She took one of Collins's hands and squeezed it. A great beaming smile broke out onto her face.

"Thank the Lord for friends who break hospital rules. Road trip!"


	23. First Sighting

**Ha. this was a fun chapter. for those of you with delicate emotions, it's not angst or such for a while, so this should make you happy. last night i had a giant RENT cry-fest though (i was sobbing uncontrollably and curled up ina ball while listening to "I'll Cover You". c'mon, don't tell you people don't do that!)** **and so I'm a little fragile. that's why the chapters will stay happy for the moment...(sniff)**

"You're lost, Mark, admit it."

"I am not lost, I'm…I'm taking a special route."

"Uh-huh. That explains why we've passed the same old guy trying to eat mushed carrots four times by now," Roger groaned. The others tried hard not to laugh, while Mark just glared at Roger and marched forward. The group had been snaking their way through the hospital corridors for a while now, and Mark's directions did seem to be not completely accurate. Still, no one really minded. The loss of this giant uncertainty hanging over their heads had done everyone some good at least.

"Hah! I _told_ you I knew the way!" Mark's face, a triumphant expression plastered onto it, pooped out from behind the corner which he had only just gone around. Mimi squealed and took Roger's hand, pulling him down the hall. Angel grinned as Collins kept pace with Mimi while pushing the wheelchair.

Mimi was the first one around the corner. She caught sight of a grinning Mark, and then—

"Oh my God, they're so cute…" she breathed, gripping Roger's arm. Roger, who had nearly plowed her down when she stopped in her tracks, rolled his eyes and peered in through the giant glass window set in the wall. Behind it was a lighted, warm-looking room filled with bassinets: five rows of four. In each bassinet was a tiny bundle of blankets with a face like a pink, squashed tomato. Each baby had a blue or pink hat on, which indicated whether it was boy or girl. Their names, parents, and birthdates were written in a scribbly hand on cards that hung from the end of their cradles.

"Move, Mimi, I want to see," Angel said, pushing Mimi aside gently as Collins wheeled her up to the window. Angel's eyes lit up and she smiled happily as the light from the room washed over her face. Mimi reached down and took her hand, squeezing it.

"Oh, look at them, they're adorable…"

"I know! I love those little hats, I might have to steal one."

"Jeez, they're so tiny…like puppies or something." Angel and Mimi cooed over the babies, while Collins, Mark and Roger all exchanged looks.

"Do any of you guys get what they're fussing about?" asked Roger in a low voice. Collins shrugged, and Mark rolled his eyes.

"Not really. What's cute about things that look like…I dunno, grubs?" Collins made a face.

"Thanks to you, Mark, I will never again be able to think of babies without feeling nauseous." Mark snorted. Angel and Mimi had by now stopped generally commenting the babies and were now peering around, trying to figure out which ones were Maureen's.

"A boy and a girl, right Collins?" Mimi asked. He nodded.

"Uh huh."

"What color hair do they have?"

"Listen, Mimi, as soon as I could without seeming like a jerk, I ran for my freaking life. Do you think I have _any_ idea what color hair they have? I don't even know what color they are in total." Angel twisted around and gave him a look. Collins decided now might be a good time to shut up.

"Oh hey, could that be one of them?" Roger said, pointing to a little blue-capped bundle in the third row. The baby was one of the few who were awake, and he seemed to be trying to wriggle his way out of the wrappings. His face was scrunched and reddish, like a bean bag, and little tufts of white-blond duck fluff peeked out from beneath the hem of his hat. They could all see the resemblance between him and Maureen at once, though; they had the same snubbed nose, the same almost pointed ears. There was no doubt that he was in some way related to Maureen.

"He's so cute, I can't believe it," said Angel happily, squeezing Mimi's hand. Mark squinted.

"Cute might not be the right phrase…how about mentally abnormal?"

"Mark!" Mimi exclaimed. She whirled around to glare at him, leaving Angel to pinch Collins and Roger, who were nearly choking themselves with laughter.

"Well, come on!" Mark said earnestly, gesturing through the window towards the baby. "I mean, the little guy is going to flop himself to death if he keeps doing that. And Maureen_ is _his mother. You can't expect total mental normalcy." Mimi looked like she couldn't decide whether to hit Mark or burst out laughing. Angel too was biting her lip to keep from giggling. She turned to look back through the glass.

"Well, if that's him, does that mean the little girl next to him is his sister?" The others leaned in to look at the baby with the pink hat. She didn't look much like the boy; there were little sprigs of black hair peeking out from between the stitches of hat, and her skin was darker than his, like a soft caramel color. She too was awake, but unlike the wriggling, jumpy boy beside her, she lay peacefully, a tiny baby-smile on her face.

However, there was no denying that she also had some of Maureen's features. An already visible strong jaw and curving lips were two of them; but the most obvious were her eyes. They were huge and brown, unlike the pearly-blue ones of the boy beside her. Still, after examination, they proved unmistakably to be siblings.

"Hey Collins, or shall I say Tallest Person here; see if you can see what's written on their little namey-sheets. I wanna know what Maureen decided to name them." Mimi was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, flushed with excitement. Angel smiled as she watched her friend; this was giving Mimi a burst of something that nothing else could. Collins saluted and stood on tip-toes, peering over the tops of the first rows at the two little bassinets.

"No good…it's all scribbled, I can't see a thing."

"Well, that's stupid," grumbled Roger. "How are you supposed to know what their names are if you can't read them?"

"Well," called a wonderfully familiar voice from down the hall, "you might try asking the mom."


	24. Names

**hee hee. don't yell at me about the names: i left them till the last moment and they are probably stupid. but o well. and somewhere in here is a tiny tribute to another EloraCooper4 story. see if you can find it.  
**

"Maureen?...Maureen!" Mimi's shriek echoed through the hallway, causing patients and staff alike to look up disapprovingly. But none of the friends cared; they had begun to stampede down the hallway before Mimi's voice had even formed Maureen's name fully.

The diva sat grinning in a wheelchair like Angel's, dressed in what looked like three hospital gowns tied together. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair was clumpy and ragged, but the glow that surrounded her made her look as though she had been under the care of a certified beauty team for the last few hours. Joanne, who was pushing her wheelchair forward, also looked worn-out and tired. But she was grinning too, and her pace towards the others was eager.

Mimi reached them first. She made to throw herself upon Maureen, but Joanne managed to stop her in time.

"Mimi, don't! She's still fragile, you can't do that!"

"Pookie, I am not fragile," Maureen insisted. Mimi didn't care either way. She refrained from dive-bombing Maureen and settled for hugging her tightly instead. By then everyone else had caught up, and the hugging rituals began. By the time they were over, everyone had managed to hug everyone else, even Angel and Joanne. They all stood there, smiling like idiots. Angel grabbed Maureen's hand and squeezed it hard.

"Oh my god, honey, you look _great!_ From what they've all told me about what you went through, you're positively radiant!" Maureen giggled. Trust Angel to find the perfect word to use about Maureen.

"It wasn't so bad, really…" Maureen insisted. Collins pressed one fist to his mouth and coughed in a way that sounded strangely like _Great big fucking lie._ Roger, Mark, Mimi, and Angel laughed, while Joanne glared and Maureen grinned.

"As if you knew, Collins. You ran like a squirrel at the first opportunity." Joanne's comment immediately sent a vision of Collins as a squirrel into everyone's heads. It was a little while until they could calm down. Really, the hilarity was one way to let off steam. After the last twelve hours, they needed some kind of release.

Mark finally choked out, "Hey Mo, come and show us if we were right about your kids." Maureen nodded enthusiastically, and they set off back down the hallway. Angel grinned at Maureen.

"Wheelchair buddies, huh?" Maureen snorted.

"Sadly enough. They wouldn't let me out unless I was in this. It's so stupid…" Angel smiled.

"Would you like it if I said you looked hot in the wheelchair?" Maureen's eyes lit up.

"Hell yeah. You know what, Ang? Let's ditch these losers and race," she giggled, gesturing at Collins and Joanne. They both rolled their eyes.

"You wanna go, Maureen? You wanna?" Roger asked, standing on the balls of his feet. Maureen gripped the arms of her chair.

"Roger, you are severely tempting me. Shut up and you won't get your ass kicked." A nurse glared at Maureen as she passed. Maureen stuck out her tongue. Angel rolled her eyes and giggled. Maureen reached out and grasped her hand.

"I'm so glad you could come out, Angel. How'd they spring you?" Mimi cut off Angel's laugh as she squealed, "Look, there they are!"

There they were, the five rows of tiny little babies. Mark elbowed Collins and mouthed _grubs_. Collins stepped on his toe. Maureen's eyes grew big, and she leaned forward, pressing her palms against the glass. Mimi put a hand on her back. Joanne smiled and peered in too.

"We thought it was those two," said Roger, pointing. Maureen's gaze slid over to the two little babies. The boy was flopping even harder now, wriggling like a worm. The girl was still lying peaceful, but now her tongue was sticking out. Maureen breathed in sharply and nodded.

"That's…that's them. Jeez…they're actually cute." Collins, Mark, and Roger exchanged confused looks again. Angel leaned over and tucked a lock of hair behind Maureen's ear.

"Hon, they're beautiful. What do you expect? They are your kids." Maureen nodded slightly, entranced by the look of her babies. Mimi giggled and squeezed Joanne's arm. Joanne sighed and ran her fingers through the hair at the back of Maureen's head.

"Hey, what're their names?" asked Collins. "You need to tell us." Maureen rolled her eyes.

"Well, they're stupid ones. I know just know those kids are going to hate me for them when they grow up." Angel and Mimi giggled.

"C'mon, spill," urged Roger. Maureen sighed.

"You're gonna think they're bad. I was woozy on drugs when I decided on them, wasn't I, Pookie?" Joanne shrugged.

"A little...but it doesn't matter. They're great names. Tell them, baby." Maureen clikced her tongue.

"If I must...ok, the boy's name is Jonathan, or just Jon...and that's from the stuffed animal I've had since I was born." Mauree looked defensive. Angel patted her knee.

"It's a great name! Right, guys?" Collins nodded, and Roger did too, after a kick from Mimi. Mark frowned.

"But...now, everytime I see him, I'm going to think of my uncle Jon, famous throughout the Cohen family for burping "Hava Nagila" at Cindy's Bat Mitzvah." Everyone else snorted at how forlorn Mark looked. Maureen shrugged, grinning.

"Sorry, Mark! But the girl's name is what I wanted to be named when I was little. I thought it was the prettiest name in the world."

"What?" asked Mimi.

"Roxanne."

"Oh, that's so pretty!" Mimi squealed. Angel agreed, and even Roger admitted it was "nice."

"Those are wonderful names, Mo," Angel said, leaning forward to take another look at the babies. Maureen nodded.

"Yup. Jonathan Ericcson Johnson and Roxanne Angel Johnson. They have a nice ring to them." Five people froze. Then five heads spun towards Maureen.

"Wha...what?" asked Angel, her eyes wide. Maureen looked at her, then at Roger, whose hands were suddenly gripping the back of Angel's wheelchair so hard his knuckles were white.

"You heard me. I...I wanted to give them names of people who needed to be knwon about. People who need to be..." Maureen took a breath.

"People who need to be remembered." Maureen looked down into her lap, not wanting to see the others' faces. "Of course, they'll have Joanne's last name too, so they'll be--"

"Thank you." Maureen looked up. There were tears in Angel's eyes, but she was smiling. And although Roger looked closed in, as he always did when confronted with emotion or memory like this, she could see that he was grateful. Collins and Mark were smiling too, and Mimi looked happy in her eyes (she had pressed one hand to her mouth). Joanne squeezed Maureen's shoulder.

"You...you like it?" Maureen asked hesitantly. As answer, Angel leaned forward and threw her arms around Maureen. Maureen hugged her tightly. When Angel pulled back, she wiped the tears away and continued to smile.Roger looked tentative for a moment, then he too moved forward and hugged Maureen. She smiled over his shoulder.

It took a little while for them all to get over it. When they did, Joanne sighed and gestured at the glass window. Both babies were dozing now, their tiny faces peaceful.

"Baby, they just…they look so much like you." Angel smiled and patted Joanne's leg.

"They're beautiful. They really are." Mark couldn't take it anymore.

"What is so cute about babies!" he exclaimed. Four heads whipped towards him; Collins and Roger had turned away so the women wouldn't see them laughing.

"I mean, "continued Mark, "they're so small and squashed-looking and…pink. How do you think something like that is cute? And the sounds they make and the way they smell and just pretty much everything about doesn't seem to add up to cute." He finally noticed the death glares directed at him. "What?"

"Mark, you—" A stream of profanities followed Maureen's first words. Fearing that a nurse would hear, Joanne clamped a hand over her mouth. Mimi hled her back by the shoulders.

"Mark," said Angel sternly, "I think what Maureen is _trying_ to say might be 'Have you ever had any experience with babies before?' I mean, how can you say they're like that after just seeing them?" Mark crossed his arms defiantly.

"Two words: Cindy Cohen. I had to deal with my older sister's babies for seven months before I escaped. Don't _ever_ tell me I have no experience with babies. Those little…_things_ still show up in my nightmares every once in a while." Indeed, Mark looked a little queasy at the memory. Collins and Roger, however, took great pleasure in the fact that Mark had been able to defend himself. Mimi was the one who finally figured out how to get them to shut up.

"Owowowow! Get off!" squealed Roger as he squirmed. Collins took the other approach; he froze, a look of pain lingering on his face. Angel, Maureen, and Joanne all laughed. Mark looked thankful that Mimi only had two hands.

"Ok, now," she said sweetly, digging her fingernails further into the skin of their ears. "Are we going to say something?"

"Cute kids."

"Yeah, very nice. Now _please_ let go!"

"Say you're sorry, boys, and then I might." Collins gritted his teeth.

"Sorry, Maureen." Roger was silent. Mimi tightened her grip on his ear.

"I'M SORRY, MAUREEN! GET THE HELL OFF, MIMI!" Satisfied, Mimi let go. They both immediately clamped hands to their ears, moaning. Passing people glared. Maureen smirked.

"I congratulate you, Mimi. We'll have to remember that one for the future, right Angel? Angel?" Angel had grown pale, and she had one hand pressed to her temple. She didn't seem to hear Maureen. The smile slid off Maureen's face, and she reached out to touch Angel's knee. Joanne silently dissuaded her.

"Huh? Wha—oh, sorry, Mo." Angel blinked and looked up. She attempted a smile, but something in her eyes had dulled, and it looked…wrong. Mimi reached out and slipped her hand into Roger's. He squeezed it. Collins gently cupped the back of Angel's head with one hand.

"Angel, I think you need to rest a little. You've been out here for a while already." Angel shook her head. It seemed to make her dizzy, and she leaned back against his hand. It was so strange; one minute she was fine, and the next she seemed so sick…

"Go," Maureen said, trying to smile. "You got to see them, and you'll get to see them again. Just get some sleep and everything so you can come and be with meeeeee." Angel did smile now, and she nodded faintly. Collins said goodbye to the others and turned, pushing Angel down the hall. They watched him go, directing he wheelchair with one hand and gently rubbing the back of Angel's neck with the other. Mark shuddered and looked at the babies again. Joanne grabbed Maureen's shoulder.

"You know, they really don't look _that_ bad," said Mark softly.

**gah! that was long, I know. I'm not a huge April fan, but who else could she use? and anyhoodle, April has righteous red hair. don't worry, no heavy angst next chapter. i promise.**


	25. Holding Them

**here's another one!**

"Here you go, Ms. Johnson. Remember to support his head."

"Yeah, I know, I know…" Maureen held out her arms eagerly. The smiling nurse reached down and gently picked up the tiny bundle of blankets from the cradle. She carefully handed it to Maureen, who drew in her breath sharply as her son's minute weight settled in her arms. Joanne, her eyes unusually bright, reached down and gently brushed the tip of her finger over the soft white baby skin of his cheek. Jon sighed in his sleep and his nose twitched.

"Oh my god…Maureen, he is so, so adorable," Mimi said reverently, clutching Roger's arm. Roger, who was looked both happy and awkward at the same time, leaned forward so he could see the tiny face. Maureen involuntarily drew the baby closer to her and stared down at him, her hands positioned protectively under his head and his back. The little blue cap was gone, and white-blonde duck fluff lay flat on his head. He was so tiny, so small, so helpless…

So hers.

Joanne slowly sat on the side of Maureen's hospital bed, slipping one arm around Maureen's shoulders. Other than the nurse, Mimi and Roger were the only two visitors. Angel had put her foot down about actually coming into contact with the babies. I'm in the hospital, Maureen, she'd said frankly. I'm not going to go near enough to newborns to risk giving them something dangerous. I want to see them, you know that, Angel had insisted, struggling not to let her face fall. But I can't.

Collins was staying with her, and Mark had gone to take care of some stuff at the loft. As the only two available, Maureen had insisted that they be present for the babies' first appearance. Now she was sitting upright in the hospital bed, holding her son for the first time. And it didn't seem real.

"Do you want to hold the other one now?" asked the nurse. Joanne got up and nodded, looking nervous. The nurse reached down and slowly brought up the other bundle of blankets. Joanne, her hands trembling slightly, reached out to take it. Mimi stopped her in time.

"Jo, honey, I think you need to relax," she said warmly. Joanne nodded and took a deep breath; then she gently took the baby from the nurse. As she was getting nestled in Joanne's arms, Roxanne opened her dark brown eyes. For a moment, they focused on Joanne's face; then they crossed and closed again.

"Oh! She saw me!" exclaimed Joanne in a loud whisper. Mimi grinned and put an arm around Joanne. Meanwhile, Maureen was getting to know her baby.

"Hey, honey," she said softly, shifting him so she had a free hand. She traced his cheekbones and jaw, marveling at how smooth it was. The nose was snub, like hers, and she leaned down to brush her lips against it. As she drew back, his face puckered and he sneezed; a tiny baby sneeze, like that of a puppy. Then he settled down and went back to sleep. Maureen drew in a shaky breath. Maureen, who loved in so flighty a manner, found herself hopelessly enamored with this little being minutes after she first held him.

"Wow, Maureen…he's pretty cute, for a baby," said Roger, peering down at Jon. Maureen smiled.

"He's perfect."

"Yeah, I bet." She looked up at him, feeling calm and peaceful and warm.

"Rog, you wanna hold him? You can if you're _really careful_ and you sit beside me." Roger held up his hands and backed away.

"Nuh uh. I like the little guy, but I am NOT holding a baby." She rolled her eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because it's a baby. Roger Davis does not hold babies." She giggled and looked back down at Jon, smoothing his fluffy hair back. Beside her, Mimi and Joanne cooed over Roxanne, who had just opened her eyes again. Now they stayed open; not necessarily focused, but open. Joanne leaned down and inhaled lightly, smelling the baby smell of powder and blankets and newness. Mimi giggled and pointed at a fold in the blankets.

"Look! She's trying to get out!" A tiny brown hand was poking through the blanket wrappings. The nurse, who had stood by silently and happily while they all acquainted themselves with the babies, stepped in.

"Here, let me help." She moved forward and tucked the hand back into the blankets. Roxanne seemed to frown as her adventurous hand was recaptured. The nurse patted the blankets.

"There, that should do it. Don't want her getting a chill, specially since she's so little. My, she's a beauty, though," commented the nurse, looking affectionately at Roxanne. Joanne smiled and held the baby a little closer.

"I've seen more babies than I can count in my time, but she's a little angel, now isn't she?" The nurse patted the blankets again and stepped back to adjust something on the cradles.

"You don't know the half of it," muttered Mimi. Joanne giggled and said, "Mimi, you want to try holding her?"

"Yes!" Joanne demonstrated how to position the hands, then gently transferred the baby girl to Mimi's arms. Mimi gasped in delight and hugged the baby close, giggling as Roxanne blinked.

"Oh, she is so beautiful! Look at that hair! It's going to be so shiny…"

"Roger, now you have to hold him," Maureen commanded. Roger shook his head again.

"I can't, I—"

"Roger, don't be scared. You're their Uncle Roger, you can't be afraid of touching them." Mimi smiled as she said this, and Joanne grinned. Maureen nodded emphatically. Roger looked squeamish.

"_Uncle Roger_? What are you, Aunt Mimi?"

"Yep! No, wait…Auntie Mimi sounds better," she declared. Roger rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm still not holding the rugrat." Maureen glared at him.

"Roger, you will take that back and then take this baby, or so help me I will make you pay." Roger sighed.

"All right, all right, give me the…kid." Maureen nodded happily and, showing him the correct way to place his hands, handed over the baby. Roger looked uncomfortable at first, but then his face and body relaxed as the baby yawned in his arms.

"Wow…he's pretty cute, isn't he?" Maureen, Joanne, and Mimi all exchanged looks. Roger stared down at the baby, studying it.

"Hey, he's got eyebrows! They're blond like his hair…and eyelashes, they're blond too…wow…" He smiled as he talked. After a while of listening make discoveries about Jon, Maureen laughed and said, "Ok, Rog, give him back. I think he's tired."

"Two more minutes," muttered Roger, shying away and holding the baby closer. Mimi giggled and rolled her eyes, bouncing Roxanne up and down very gently.

"Angel was so right," she muttered to herself.


	26. Tell Me!

**i know it's been a few days since i last updated. i'm afriad of ending this story, i like it too much! anyway, here's the next chapter.**

"Mark, over here!" Mimi called, waving wildly. Mark, who had just come through the double doors at the front of the hospital, jumped and then saw her. He ran over, his camera tucked beneath one arm.

"Mimi, hey! Where are you going? I thought you were checking out the kids with Roger." He got to her and gave her a one-armed hug. Mimi returned it and grinned at him.

"I was, but Roger was getting clingy with one of them and I decided to go see how Collins and Angel were doing. You can take my place right now if you want."

"Sure!" he said. Then he frowned. "But…Mimi, this may sound, but don't tire Angel out, okay? I need to do something later, and Angel's going to help me." Mimi shrugged, puzzled.

"I guess so…but if you want to do this thing with her, come over to her room soon. She's been more tired lately, and I don't know how long she can hold out." He nodded and touched her shoulder.

"I'll go over to Maureen's now. 214, right?" Mimi bobbed her head to confirm his accuracy. He smiled and headed off down the hall, camera still under his arm. Mimi watched him go, then she turned and walked towards Angel's room.

The door was closed as usual when she reached it, and she knocked gently on the door. "Mimi's coming in, so stash the pot." There was a giggle from inside, and Mimi walked in. Angel was sitting up in bed, looking healthy enough. Collins was reclining back in the chair beside her, the fingers of one hand entangled with hers and an open newspaper in his lap. Mimi knew that they had been looking through the "Letters to the Editor" page, a favorite activity of those Bohemians who were indisposed. The whacko people who wrote in to the newspapers were often cause for extreme amusement. Mimi's personal favorite was a complaint about an inappropriate cucumber picture. She had cut it out and read it when she needed a laugh.

"Hey, hon!" she said brightly, moving forward and kissing Angel's cheek. Angel grinned and put a hand on her arm.

"You just came from the babies, didn't you? Tell me about them!" Collins smiled too.

"Give her the dirt, Mimi, before she explodes. Trust me, it's a legitimate possibility." Mimi giggled and kissed his cheek too. Then she raised an eyebrow.

"You, Collins, have been commanded by the Grand High Mama, Maureen, to come and visit her or else she'll steal a particular something that you keep in your—"

"Okay, I get the message, I'm going, I'm going!" he said hurriedly, letting go of Angel's hand and standing up. Angel stifled a laugh.

"Go on, honey, and then you can tell me about them too. Mimi, you sit your ass down and start talking." Collins leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, then smiled at Mimi and left the room, softly closing the door behind him. Mimi sank into his seat and crossed her legs. Angel turned eagerly towards her.

"Mimi, you _have_ to tell me about them! Oh my god, they were so cute, I wish…" Her face fell for a moment, but then she wrestled it back up. "Anyway, tell me!" Mimi smiled and launched into a long description of the babies, Maureen, Joanne, and Roger. By the time she was done, Angel was laughing with tears in her eyes.

"Mimi…Mimi, they sound wonderful," she sadi, struggling to catch her breath. Mimi nodded and took Angel's hand.

"And they're going to grow up with all of us around, so we get to corrupt them for the start! Exciting, isn't it?" Angel nodded. She had to look away for a moment. Mimi understood. When Angel turned back to Mimi, she looked calmer.

"Mimi, when can Mo and Jo come to see me? You know, when will it be safe for them to be around me?" Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Angel, it's safe! It's just the fucking doctors…but don't worry. They're being given permission to come tomorrow." Angel bounced up and down happily. At that moment, the door opened and Collins and Mark walked in. Angel frowned.

"What are you two doing here? Collins, you left like ten minutes ago!" He chuckled and sat down beside her on the bed, one arm around her shoulders. Mark sat in one of the chairs by the windowsill, setting his camera down gently.

"Ok, when we got there, it was a battlefield," Collins told them. "Roger wasn't giving up Roxanne, and Joanne looked like she wanted to strangle him. The nurse was getting pissed off, and that was nothing compared to Maureen." Mark groaned.

"Still, it's nice to hear her shriek like old times." Angel and Mimi giggled. Mark got a strange look on his face, and he laid a hand on his camera. "Um, Angel? Could we…do that thing now?" Angel looked confused for a moment. Then comprehension dawned on her face and she nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Mimi, Collins…would you guys mind waiting outside for a few minutes?" Mark nodded. Mimi and Collins exchanged looks.

"But why?" asked Mimi. "What this mysterious thing you guys are going to do?" Angel shook her head, answering Mimi's question and silencing Collins.

"You guys will find out, I promise. For now, just do this. Please?" Collins sighed and got up. Mimi did too. Mark smiled.

"Thanks, guys. We only need ten or fifteen minutes." Collins shrugged.

"Angel, don't stress yourself," he warned. She rolled her eyes.

"Bye, Grandma." He smiled and kissed her gently. She smiled against his lips. Mimi and Mark looked at each other, then away. Collins pulled back and headed for the door, followed by Mimi. The door fell shut behind them.

Out in the hall, Mimi turned to Collins. "What do we do now?" He shrugged.

"Wanna go get coffee? Trust me, it'll be more peaceful than going back there," he said, obviously meaning Maureen's room. Mimi nodded and smiled at him.

"You need coffee, I can tell. Let's go." He grinned and put an arm around her shoulders. The two of them shared a bond that had formed on the roots of their mutual closeness to Angel. They had a comfortable friendship, especially being together so much after Angel was in the hospital. Wrapping her arm around his waist (she was a lot shorter than him), Mimi and Collins walked down the hall.

**anyone can guess what the mystery is? duh. after all, you're smart little chickies...**


	27. Meetings

**yup, it's another one. i'm trying to keep most of my stories updated, but with Hanukah and all the work we're getting in school and TONS of crap, i might be a little hard-pressed. oh well, i'll try!**

"But Pookie, _why_ can't I bring them in to see her?"

"Honey, even Angel knows that. She's sick, and until she gets better, newborns aren't exactly safe around—"

"But that's not fair! Roxy is named after her! She should get to see her!" Joanne sighed and put her arms around Maureen, who was standing with one hand on her hip. They were in Maureen's hospital room, and Maureen was wearing her own clothes for the first time in days. She was basically back on her feet, although she still was a little weak from the labor. Roxy and Jon were back in the nursery. They were premature, meaning they weren't allowed really out of the hospital until after they had been observed to be fully developed and ready to start life. But Maureen was going to see Angel, and she was being very stubborn about not being able to bring the babies.

"Listen, Maureen." Joanne had giant circles under her eyes, and her hair was a mess. She hadn't left Maureen's side since the day of the birth, and the stress was beginning to show. Maureen saw it, and she put her hands gently on Joanne's face, pressing her palms against the soft brown cheeks. Joanne smiled.

"There are some things that none of us can change right now. I'm thrilled that Roxy and Jon are born and healthy, and I want to keep them that way. I know you do too, and Angel does. Baby, I've done everything that you've asked of me for months, and really even more. I'm not complaining…but just let this go. For me." Maureen nodded and put her arms around Joanne, hugging her close and letting her head rest on Joanne's soft shoulder. Joanne pushed a hand under the hair at the nape of Maureen's neck and stroked her neck. They were cemented together down deep now.

Now and forever.

_Angel's room…_

"Hello? Everyone awake in there?" Maureen called, knocking lightly on the door. There was a pause, then the door flew open and Collins stood grinning before them.

"Mo! Jo! You're here!" he exclaimed, hugging them both. From behind him, they heard Angel's voice say rather groggily, "What? Is that Maureen?" Maureen pushed past Collins and dashed in, running to Angel in the bed. Angel struggled to sit up, blinking the sleep from her eyes. Maureen threw her arms around her, while Joanne stood beside Collins, smiling happily.

"Oh my god, Angel, I have missed you SO much…" Maureen said, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. Angel hugged her back, her arms thinner and weaker than Maureen had ever known them. She pulled back, frowning slightly as she appraised Angel. She gently touched the pale skin of Angel's cheek, felt the unnatural coolness. She took in the tired look that surrounded her friend, the obvious weakness and the almost skeletal body. Angel was wasting away, and it was happening fast. Much too fast. Maureen felt a lump rise in her throat, and one hand curled into a fist. Behind her, Collins and Joanne glanced at each other, sharing thoughts without words. Angel noticed Maureen's actions right away, and she entangled her fingers with Maureen's, smiling softly.

"It's okay, hon, its okay…how've you been? Are you feeling more like yourself?" Maureen nodded, blinking rapidly. Angel squeezed her hand encouragingly.

"I heard all about the Roger incident. How'd it end?" Maureen swallowed and found her voice.

"It…it was all right in the end. We managed to distract him with a candy bar, and he let his guard down. Jon sorta developed a link to him though. Hardly stops crying except when Roger's holding him." Angel smiled and laughed slightly. Maureen smiled too.

"And what about the kids? God, I can't believe it…you're going to be such a great mom. Both of you." Joanne grinned and came forward to out a hand on Maureen's shoulder. Maureen reached u with her free hand and clasped Joanne's. Collins went to sit beside Angel on the bed, casually leaning against the raised end of the mattress.

"Roxy's been doing terrific," said Joanne happily. "She's been improving daily…you know, growing up, sort of. Jon's doing the same, although he's still having this weird crying thing." She rolled her eyes, and the others laughed. Angel tried to sit up a little straighter. Maureen could see the joy in her eyes as they discussed the babies. Angel was too vibrant to fade. She always had something left. At that moment, Maureen felt a conviction that Angel was going to live forever.

"Hey, look," said Collins, pointing out the window. They turned and saw, to their astonishment, small white flakes drifting down from the sky. It was snowing; snowing in September. Snowing in September in New York City.

"Maureen, I think those kids of yours are miracle workers," Collins said, eyes wide. Maureen giggled and looked happily out the window. The little white snowflakes whirled and skipped as they fell towards the ground. Soon they would turn grey and clump into soggy, dirty piles on the sidewalks. But for now, they were pure and playful. Maureen chanced a look at Angel. The pleasure and happiness on her face shone so brightly that it seemed to make the snowflakes brighter. Maureen swallowed the lump in her throat again.

Angel couldn't die. She just couldn't.

**I'm sorry! But it has to happen eventually...**


	28. Home

**don't hate me!**

"Home, home, I'm going home," sang Maureen as she bounced around her room. Joanne smiled and closed the lid on the small suitcase Mimi had brought from their apartment. It was packed with the little gifts and things that Maureen had accumulated in her time at the hospital. Most notable was a floppy yellow duck, which had _MAUREEN BITES POODLES_ written in maroon Sharpie on the left wing. That was Roger's doing.

Maureen twirled around and pretended to swoon backwards onto the bed. Joanne leapt up and caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist and an arm around her back. Maureen giggled and pulled herself up on Joanne's shoulders, finally drawing her girlfriend into a hug. Joanne rolled her eyes and hugged Maureen back.

"Pookie, they're going see our house! Oh my god, is it clean? _Tell_ me it's clean!" Joanne chuckled and smoothed a piece of hair back from Maureen's brow.

"Yes, it's clean. I took care of that two days ago. Now are you sure you aren't forgetting anything?" Maureen slowly looked around the room, checking for objects that might have escaped her packing. She shrugged.

"Nope. I'm ready to go get them!" Joanne grinned and picked up the suitcase.

"C'mon. Mark's waiting in the lobby, and we need to make a stop before we get the kids." Maureen nodded happily. Angel had bounded back a little; she had more energy than she had had in days. They were going to say a quick goodbye to Angel and Collins before collecting the babies and meeting Mark, who was going to drive them home in a borrowed car.

"I hope Jon likes that little stuffed turtle Mimi got for him," Maureen mused as Joanne led her out into the hallway. "I told her it might be a little big—after all, he's so tiny, it's probably bigger than him—but she had her heart set on getting it for him. Oh well. I'm sure he'll love it." Joanne smiled to herself. Envisioning this moment months ago, she had thought that she would feel…what? Annoyed? Impatient? Angry? She felt nothing like that now. In her heart, she loved the tiny little creatures that gurgled and sighed and snuggled so warmly into her while they slept. She felt no blame or hostility towards them. She simply loved them.

"We're hee-eeeere!" crowed Maureen as she pushed open the door to Angel's room. Joanne went in behind her and put down the suitcase. Maureen, however, sped directly to Collins, who was just rising to greet her.

"Oof!" The force of her embrace knocked him backwards. He fell back into his chair, clonking his head into the wall. Angel and Joanne laughed, while Maureen grinned and released him. Collins moaned and pressed a hand to his skull.

"Maureen, I'm happy to see you too. Tone it down a little, will you?" Maureen giggled and nodded. She sat down on Angel's bed and gave Angel a hug. Angel squeezed her tightly, with more strength than before. Maureen felt a small spurt of happiness.

"You look great, honey! Anyone would think you'd been at the spa or something instead of giving birth." Maureen smiled happily. Once again, Angel pretty much knew exactly what to say. She squeezed her friend's hands.

"You look great too. You've been feeling better, right?" Angel shrugged and nodded.

"Pretty much. At least I'm not sleeping for twenty-three hours a day." Collins rolled his eyes.

"You never slept for that long."

"Fine, twenty-two hours."

"For the love of—"

"Oh, stop bickering, you two, just be happy she's feeling better," Joanne said, sitting down on the other side of Angel's bed. Collins smiled and stood, one hand resting on Angel's shoulder.

"I am happy…" She grinned up at him. Maureen felt a comfortable glowing feeling come into her body. Everything seemed to be getting better. She had two beautiful kids, Angel was feeling good, Joanne had fought with her in days…it was all shaping up.

The four friends talked a little more, Angel losing none of her energy. Finally, Joanne gently reminded Maureen that it was time to go. Maureen kissed Collins on the cheek, then gave Angel a giant hug.

"I'm so happy for you, Maureen. And I'm so proud," Angel whispered to her. Maureen squeezed her a little tighter. When she eventually pulled back, Angel grinned happily at her.

"Come back soon! I'm going to miss you." Maureen laughed.

"I'll come back tomorrow, howsabout? Can you stand it that long?" Angel crossed her arms.

"Maybe…" Collins rolled his eyes.

"Both of you need to leave now, or she'll never let you go." Joanne and Maureen giggled and went to the door, Joanne picking up the suitcase. Maureen blew at a kiss at Collins and Angel.

"Love you, guys! See you tomorrow!" They waved, and Joanne waved back before closing the door behind her.

_That night…_

"They're FINALLY asleep!" Maureen whispered loudly, collapsing onto the bed beside Joanne. Joanne smiled and threw the covers over Maureen.

"Hard time getting them to sleep?" Maureen snuggled up against Joanne's warm body.

"Well…no, not really. Roxy went straight to sleep, probably because she tired herself out. Jon took a little more time…but he's sound asleep too. I know that I'll probably be woken up in an hour to feed them or be with them or whatever, but the weird thing is…" She stopped and smiled. Joanne ran a hand through her hair.

"What?"

"I'm actually looking forward to it." Joanne rolled her eyes.

"Wow, Maureen."

"No, I'm serious!" Maureen pressed a kiss to Joanne's forehead. "I've never needed a lot of sleep, anyway…this might be a pain, but it's a nice one, sort of. I can't wait to be with them…I know it's going to suck most of the time, but I just feel so happy about it now." Joanne sighed.

"Keep that in mind when you've had absolutely no sleep and you're sore from breast-feeding and they're STILL crying." Maureen snorted.

"Be like that." She yawned. "Night, Pookie…" Joanne cuddled her close, and the pair fell asleep.

Later that night, it came. Maureen was up with Jon, who had started crying and was evidently just lonely. She was rocking him back and forth gently, softly humming, when the phone rang. It was on the last ring when Maureen grabbed it, having carefully gotten up and walked as fast as she could to the phone without waking Jon. Holding him expertly in one arm, she picked up the phone and held it to her ear with her shoulder.

"Hello?"

"Oh my god, oh my god…Maureen, please say that's you…" Maureen frowned and held Jon a little closer.

"Collins, calm down. Yes it's me, what's the matter? Is everything okay?" She could hear him gasping and sobbing on the other end of the phone. A terrible chill went up her back.

"Collins…?"

"Maureen, she's gone, she's really gone, oh my god…Angel is—oh my god, Maureen, she's gone…" Maureen felt suddenly dizzy, as the world was tilting beneath her feet. Her brain wasn't focusing, she was going to drop Jon, she couldn't—

Maureen wrenched herself into focus. Her heart was pounding, and her entire body was cold. It couldn't be true, no, for the love of God it wasn't true…

"Collins, what are you—"

"She just went to sleep…I thought—Maureen, Angel's gone, she's really gone…" Maureen clutched Jon tightly to her, so tightly that he woke from the doze he had been in and began to whimper. She didn't notice.

"Oh my god, Collins, you—oh my god, it can't be true…"

"Maureen, I need—I don't know, I need Angel…please come over here, please, I can't handle this alone, I just…" There was another sob. Maureen felt nauseous, but she decreased the pressure she had on Jon.

"All right…I'll be there, Collins. Calm down, I'll be there…I'm going to go know, but I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

"Wait!" Maureen had been about to hang up. She put the phone back to her ear.

"What?"

"I love you, Maureen, I really do…I love you…"

"I love you too. Clam down, I'll be right there…" And Maureen hung up. Then she leaned against the wall, held her son close, and burst into tears. Jon had gone back to sleep, but he fussed without waking, as though aware that his mother's heart had just been ripped in two.

**believe me, I am really, really sorry...ANGEL, WHY?!**


	29. Tears And Hugs

**i know that this is pretty short. sorry! but it made me sad. on the bright side, i just bought "Model Prisoner" and "Civilian" with my Hanukah money. I love Adam and his voice...both albums are AWESOME!!!**

"Oh my god...Collins, over here!" Maureen called, running down the hall. The figure slumped against the wall moved and looked up. It was Collins, and she felt numb at the sight of him. His entire face was wet with tears, and his hands were trembling. Most of all, his eyes scared her; empty and riddled with sharp grief. Her shout had hardly left her throat before she threw herself at him, hugging him as tightly as she could.

Maureen felt him sag forward, felt him use her for support. He clung to her, body shuddering with new sobs. Maureen held him tightly and closed her eyes. She had hugged him earlier, before any of this…and now she was hugging him again, just as hard.

Only now, she was doing it for the worst reason on Earth.

"Thank you…thanks for coming," he said in a low voice, hoarse with crying. Maureen nodded and squeezed him extra-hard.

"I woke Joanne up and put her in charge of the babies. Collins…baby, I am so sorry. I can't believe it…" He just pressed his face into her shoulder and shook with stifled sobs. Maureen held back her own tears now. He didn't need to see her cry. Collins, Tom Collins, always so cheerful and playful and strong...he was broken.

After a little while, Maureen finally pulled away from him, although she kept her hands on his arms. He looked exhausted. Exhausted with the pain and grief and the knowledge that Angel was gone. Maureen knew that she needed to get him to sit down at least. The only thing that could possibly make the situation worse was Collins collapsing.

"C'mon…come here, baby, it's okay…" She pulled him towards the hospital lobby, guiding him like a parent with a sleepy child. He was unresponsive, staring ahead while tears dripped silently down his cheeks. Maureen maneuvered them both through the expansive halls, finally finding her way into the large lobby. She got Collins into a chair near a phone, then slipped in a quarter and dialed. As she listening to the phone ringing, Maureen noticed that her hands, like Collins', were trembling. She felt so much bursting to get out, but she couldn't release it. Not yet. Not now.

"_Speak…_"

"Mark? Roger? Pick up the phone, I don't care who, but pick up the phone! Something's hap—"

"Maureen?" said a groggy voice. Maureen nearly fainted in relief. It was Mark.

"Mark, thank god…it's me, I'm at the hospital with Collins…Mark, Angel's gone." She heard a gasp on the other end. After a moment or two, there was a sort of strangled gurgle. Then Mark's voice, afraid and tentative and grief-filled all at once came through the phone.

"Maureen…what are you talking about? You mean Angel's—"

"She's dead, Mark." Maureen heard how strange her voice sounded. The words tasted bad in her mouth. "I think it happened in her sleep…but Mark, get over here. Bring Roger if you can. Collins is…he's not taking this well, he doing badly, and I…I need you too." She closed her eyes for a second. Mark was talking in her ear.

"Ok…ok, we'll be there as soon as we can…oh my god, oh shit…" The phone clicked as he hung up. Maureen sighed, dug out another quarter, and dialed Mimi's number. She felt exhausted herself. Beside her in the chair, Collins was hunched forward, fists pressed into his eyes, taking deep breaths. He looked horrible. Maureen felt sick.

"Mhhmm…'lo?"

"Mimi, it's Maureen, I'm at the hospital."

"The hospital? Oh my god, are you okay? Are the babies—"

"They're fine, I'm…oh Mimi, she's gone. Angel's gone, she's dead." Maureen felt her tear dams threatening to burst. She swallowed dryly and kept them back. From the sounds coming down the phone, Mimi seemed to be crying and hyperventilating at the same time.

"No…no, no, that can't be, it can't! Angel—oh my god, she can't be dead! No!" Maureen had the feeling that Mimi was going to drop the phone or hang up. She said as firmly as she could, "Mimi, listen to me. Come down here, calm down and come to the hospital. I know…I can't understand it either." Mimi was still crying, now edging on hysterics. Maureen spent another couple minutes calming her down enough to get the "come here" message across. Then she hung up. Collins was crying again, his head in his hands and his back heaving. She sat beside him and rubbed his back as comfortingly as she could, all the while knowing she couldn't really help him. The hurt was too great, too deep. She might soothe him for a moment, but that didn't mean she was healing him.

As Maureen sat there, rubbing his back and murmuring soft comforts, a thought flashed through her mind. She pushed it away, but it bothered her like a fly with barbed feet.

Roxy had no one to be named after anymore…

_Later…_

"Maureen!" She looked up from her hands, which were clenched on her lap. Mark and Roger were running towards her, both looking about half-dressed. She rose just in time to meet Roger, who was in the lead and who threw his arms around her. She hugged him as tightly at she could, while Mark hugged Collins, who clung to him as he had to Maureen. Maureen, finally in the embrace of someone else, chose this moment to fall apart. Completely.

She let loose with a sudden sob into Roger's shoulder, and then the floodgates opened. She cried harder than she could ever remember, her hands clutching the leather of Roger's jacket, eyes squeezed shut into a futile attempt to hold back the tears. Roger was stiff at first, but then he relaxed and pulled Maureen tightly against him, tears of his own dampening her hair. Mark held Collins, for once not flinching at anything but fleeting contact. They all cried together, trying to wring out the grief with sobs and tears.

It didn't work.

**sniffle...waaaaaaah...**


	30. Consolation

**i love writing about the babies. i can't bring myself to make them brats...yet. but just writing required twenty minutes of watching Angel onscreen on my TV and crying...not becuase it's so terribly depressing, but because i am a sentimental dunderhead.**

**hee hee..._dunderhead_...hee hee...**

"She was very pretty." Maureen shifted a little and sat farther back against the pillows of her bed. Roxy lay peacefully in her arms, her soft black hair already grown out slightly. The baby was wearing a small blue jumper with built-in feet and a flower on the front. She had one thumb in her mouth, and her eyes were closed. Maureen rocked her gently back and forth.

"She had big brown eyes…like yours. And beautiful brown skin…also a little like yours, actually. You look like her, Roxy. That makes me happy." Maureen nuzzled the top of Roxy's downy head. Roxy sighed and curled up a little more. Maureen straightened and hugged her child close.

"She had a laugh that made me feel warm inside, and she could play the drums like nobody's business. Whenever I was going crazy, she knew just how to calm me down. And she could juggle." Maureen laughed slightly. It turned into a small sob. She choked it back.

"Um…um, she was very generous. Everything she had, she tried to give away. It sounds stupid, but it worked for Angel. No matter what, everyone else came before her. And she could sing wonderfully…she could dance…she was very kind too. Be like Angel when you grow up, baby. Don't be like your screw-up of a mommy. Be like Angel." Another tiny sob. Maureen lifted Roxy close to her face and kissed the soft little forehead. The door squeaked as it opened, and Joanne's head poked in.

"You doing okay, baby?"

"Oh, I don't know…how's Jon?" Joanne came all the way into the room. Jon was cuddled up against her, his little white-blonde head tilted into her chest. He was wearing a pink sleeper suit. Joanne had remembered to vary the colors of their clothes; it had been a plan of theirs since the babies' birth not to color discriminate. If a pink suit was available, then Jon could wear that as well as he could wear a blue one. It wasn't a big deal…but it was a distraction of sorts.

"Oh…good." Maureen smiled and stroked Roxy's hair. "C'mere, honey." Joanne went over to the bed and carefully sat down beside Maureen. Jon, as though sensing that both his birth mother and his sister were nearby, began to fuss. Joanne bounced him gently and stroked his forehead. Jon calmed and lay still, five tiny fingers wrapped around Joanne's thumb. Maureen smiled and laid her head on Joanne's shoulder.

Within moments, she was crying.

"Shhh, Maureen, shhhh…it's okay, baby, it's all right." Joanne closed her eyes and muzzled Maureen's had. Maureen just cried harder. Disturbed by her sobs, Jon and Roxy began to cry as well. Joanne bit her tongue and stood up, trying to calm Jon down. As fast as she could, she brought him to his crib and lay him down gently. He still fussed. Joanne rubbed his belly until he calmed down, then went back to the bedroom to find Maureen struggling not to cry anymore, though to no avail. Joanne gently took Roxy out of Maureen's arms and brought her back to her crib. But Roxy wouldn't calm down, no matter how much Joanne soothed her.

"It's okay, honey…Momma's just feeling a little sad right now…I am too, but that doesn't mean you have to…" Roxy finally stopped wailing and settled down. With a sigh, Joanne started for the bedroom, but leaned against the door frame for a moment. She felt tears coming to her own eyes, but she forced them back. _People need you now, Joanne, this is no time to cry._ Joanne wasn't sure how long she could stop herself from feeling so awful, but Maureen was still crying and it was up to her to calm her down. Biting her tongue again, Joanne ventured into the bedroom.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Hello? Anyone home?" Maureen's head came up. Someone was knocking at the door, and she wasn't really in a position to handle it. She could go and see whoever it was…but would they mind? Maureen decided not to give a damn. She got to her feet and went to the door, opening it with one hand while cradling Jon with the other.

Mimi stood in the hallway, her hair tied back and her face gaunt. Angel's death had not treated anyone kindly. Mimi was taking it a little worse than the rest of them, except for Collins. Now Mimi smiled tiredly as she caught sight of the baby. Then her brow knit together.

"Um…Maureen? What the hell are you doing?" Maureen sighed.

"It's called breast-feeding, Mimi. And if I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have opened the door like this." Mimi shrugged.

"It's all right. I'm just…never mind. Can I come in?"

"Oh, sure." Maureen stepped back to let Mimi in. For the first time, she really saw how bad Mimi looked. Bags under her eyes, slowness in her movement…and grief shining in every gaze. The recent fights with Roger and now Angel's death were wearing her down. It was wearing everyone down, but Mimi was close to cracking under the weight of these things.

"So…any reason you came over other than to see me shove my boob into my kid's mouth?" Maureen tried to joke. But it wasn't funny, and Mimi seemed not to hear her. She wandered over to the small living room, where she sank onto the couch. Maureen joined her, though first she switched Jon to the other side so that the whole thing wasn't being shoved in Mimi's lap.

"Mimi, are you feeling okay?" Stupid question; of course she wasn't. Mimi sighed and looked down at her folded hands. Then she smiled ruefully.

"You know…seeing Jon sort of made me think about all the stuff we went through to get him here. You, Joanne, me…and Ang." Maureen nodded and looked away. She didn't want to do this…but it had to be done.

"Man…that day when we dragged you off to tell Collins, then you got a HIV test and told Joanne all on your own? And THEN we both spent more than a week being your therapists? I was about to go berserk, but Angel…she kept going. She even stopped me from barricading myself in a closet so I could get some sleep." Maureen smiled and nodded.

"I know. Angel told me." Mimi turned to her in surprise.

"She did?"

"I think she wanted to make sure I knew what a bitch I was. Not to be mean or anything…just as a joke kind of thing. Jesus, Joanne and I were total basket cases, weren't we?" Mimi snorted.

"Worse than that. But did she tell you about all our planning and all our talking about you two? We felt like generals in a war or something…you know we hid in a back alley beside the restaurant you went to when you told Joanne?"

"No!"

"Yeah, and she stepped on my feet. God, what I'd give to have her step on my feet one more time…" Mimi's face fell, and she looked down. Maureen didn't know what to say. What can you say when someone's best friend is gone and nothing can make it better?

"Angel always made it all better…who's going to make it better now?' Mimi asked in a small voice. Maureen did the firs thing that came to her; without thinking, she put Jon (who had finished feeding) in Mimi's arms. Mimi looked surprised for a moment, but then she smiled slightly and cradled the baby gently in her arms. Jon hiccupped and stared up at her with wide blue eyes. Mimi bounced him up and down.

"I don't think he's big enough for a job like that…but maybe he can start training in a while," Maureen said with a smile. Mimi sniffed and nodded.

"Maybe."

**aww...**


	31. A Phone Call

**this is a slightly weird chapter. i dunno...the next few might jump around in time a little. i don't know how many chapters are left before this is over, but i hope a great many! don't worry, it will not always be sad.**

**Timeline wise: after Angel's funeral, before Christmas Eve.**

"Okay, say it with me; no…you…jerk…" Maureen said slowly and deliberately. Roxy gave her a blank look and gurgled, sitting contently on the kitchen floor in Joanne's apartment. Maureen sighed.

"Baby, if you don't know what to say when a guy is coming after you because you are the cutest thing in the world—which you are—then you're going to be unprepared, and I can't have that. Here, let's try another one: I…have…a…boyfriend…" Roxy giggled and unsteadily got onto her hands and knees. Before Maureen could do a thing, she was off like a shot.

"Roxy! Girlie, you get back here!" Maureen shouted, getting up and running after the renegade baby. Roxy and Jon had just become experts in the art of speed crawling, and they were impossible to catch. Thankfully, Jon had tired himself (and Joanne) out by playing a lovely game of "I'll-hide-behind-the-couch-and-you-catch-me" with his other mom. Both parties were now collapsed in their respective beds. Roxy, however, was having fun.

"Gumblah poochie!" she squealed with delight as Maureen made a grab for her, but missed and crashed into a chair leg instead. Maureen swore under her breath, not loud enough for Roxy to pick up (she and Joanne might be trying to give their kids a creative vocabulary, but even they weren't that liberal). Limping painfully, Maureen stumbled after Roxy, finally scooping her up just before the little girl made it to the front hall.

"You are a scamp," Maureen declared, scooping Roxy up in her arms. Roxy grabbed her mother's finger and jammed it into her mouth, gnawing on it with vigor. Maureen felt a small jab as the point of newly emerging teeth touched her skin. Roxy was teething, and Jon was sure to start soon. Joanne had wisely bought plastic chew toys that were in the freezer. Maureen went for one of them now, shoving the green plastic turtle into Roxy's mouth and smiling as she contentedly chewed on it.

The phone rang. Maureen, who was unwilling to let it wake either Joanne or her son, ran for it, Roxy squealing as she bounced up and down in Maureen's arms. Maureen hesitated for a single moment before picking up the phone. She had been hit with a strange sense of déjà vu; the last time she had answered the phone while holding a baby, it had been Collins with the news…

"He—Hello?" Maureen said, disguising the sudden tremor in her voice.

"Maureen?" Maureen drew in her breath sharply. Collins didn't sound hysterical like he had before, but still…

"Collins?"

"Uh huh. What's up, baby girl?" Maureen smiled to herself. Only Collins was allowed to call her that.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me? Where've you been for the last few days? I haven't been able to reach you at all."

"I was just…hanging around. Spending a little time by myself. And…Maureen, I've got a tutoring job. It's not for long, only a couple weeks, but it's something." Maureen grinned.

"Baby, that's wonderful. I'm really happy for you…" her voice trailed off. After a few seconds, Collins laughed dryly.

"Go on, ask. I won't bite your head off."

"Ask what?"

"You want to know how I've been feeling, how I've been doing…how much I'm over her yet." Maureen sighed. Roxy squirmed and gurgled, the turtle slipping out of her mouth and spreading drool over Maureen's arm. Maureen didn't notice.

"Collins…I didn't want to—"

"It's fine, Maureen. I'm all right, I just…quite honestly, I didn't know when I'll be over her…or if I ever will. But I'm trying to do what you do; stay busy. It helps a little…I miss her less when I have things to do." Maureen gripped the receiver hard. Collins' voice was dull and almost sarcastic. She could hear that it was carefully, even unintentionally composed; he was training himself to keep the pain out. She didn't like that. Mark and Roger might be adept at denying emotion…but Collins was never meant to do that. He needed to feel things, confront his thoughts and his emotions. It wasn't his way to keep them out.

"I'm glad it's helping miss her less, but Collins…"

"What?"

"Just take care of yourself, baby." She could almost hear him smile.

"I will, I promise. But tell me what's up with Mark and Mimi and Jo; I haven't checked in with everyone in a while." Maureen bit her lip. Should she tell him?

"Well…Mark's okay. I tried to see him a couple times, but he's pretty much locked himself into the loft. I think he's been working nonstop on his movie."

"He sounds like Mark, all right."

"And Joanne's good. We've been having a pretty hectic time of it; Jon and Roxy are starting to get all hyped up, and they don't want to go to sleep or sit still or be in any way easy to take care." Collins laughed. Roxy stuck the turtle back in her mouth and gazed reproachfully up at Maureen, as though she could tell that she was being talked about.

"She still have time to work?"

"Yeah, it's been okay. On the other hand, I've had to do juggling acts with them sometimes…not so great." Collins laughed again.

"Wanna let me talk to 'em?"

"Who, Joanne or the babies?"

"Either one." Maureen giggled.

"Sure. Here's Roxy." She carefully reached up and took the receiver away from her shoulder, holding it to Roxy's face and using one finger to pull the teething toy out of Roxy's mouth. Roxy, incensed by this, starting to chatter angrily in baby talk.

"Ahh…ab-_ah_, ba, ba, baaaa-aaaa…" she whined. Maureen smiled and let her go on for a few seconds, then stuck the toy back in her mouth and lifted the phone back to her ear. Collins was laughing.

"Jesus, she sounds so…I don't know, _loud_. Takes after you with that, I guess." Maureen snorted.

"Shut up. She's going to be a professional singer on Broadway when she grows up and someday when she's a star, I'll tell her what you said and she'll be pissed as hell."

"Maureen, like anyone other than fat white guys, handsome white guys, and white girls make it on Broadway. Lord knows I couldn't if I wanted to. But whatever; how's Mimi doing?" Maureen bit her lip. Herein lay the not-so-pleasurable news.

"Um…I don't really know. I haven't seen her in a while."

"A while? How long is a while?"

"I don't know…okay, fine, I haven't seen her since a week after Halloween. She's just been…out a lot." There was silence on the other end of the phone. Then Collins spoke, sounding newly worried.

"Maureen…that's more than a month ago. Girl, how the hell do you stop talking to a best friend for a month, especially when she's going through something like this?"

"I don't know! I just lost track of time because I was so busy and…well, I thought she needed some time to herself." Collins sighed.

"Maureen, I can't believe this…look, I'm not in a position to do so, but I want you to promise you're going to go and see Mimi. I'm worried that she hasn't talked to you in weeks, it's not like her. But god knows she's not doing well…" Collins trailed off into silence. Neither of them spoke for a moment; there was something unsaid that hovered on the phone line. Finally, Maureen broke the quiet.

"Collins, I need to go, Roxy's fussing. Call me later, okay?"

"Okay…sure…"

"Love you. Bye." Maureen put down the receiver and leaned back against the wall. Roxy was in no way fussing; she was still gnawing happily on her toy. But Maureen needed a minute, and she couldn't talk to Collins any longer.

Maureen felt ashamed and shocked that she hadn't talked to Mimi in so long. All of a sudden, it seemed that her old life, the life of going to the Life Café almost every night and planning giant protests and generally being surrounded by the best friends in the world was miles away. Roger was off in Santa Fe; Mark was holed up in the loft; Angel was gone forever; Collins was God knows where (she realized she hadn't found out where he was calling from); and now Mimi had disappeared. The only things she had left were Joanne and the babies, and although they were plenty, Maureen felt very frightened now. A cold shiver ran down her spine. She hugged Roxy tight.

_Please let me get through this year without losing another friend,_ Maureen prayed to no one in particular.

**Gah. gah, gah, gah, gah, GAH!!**


	32. After Xmas Visit

**hey! sorry i haven't updated in so long, but i'm going to try to do it more often now. this is a weird chapter...takes place a week after Mimi's near-death. The first person to review this will be delivering the 200th review, so whoever you are, feel special!**

" Mimi? Wake up, sleepyhead, you've got a visitor..." Mimi stirred slowly and opened her eyes. Then she shrieked and slammed them shut again. From somewhere right above her, she heard maniacal baby laughter and even more maniacal Maureen-laughter. Her chest heaving with shock, Mimi opened her eyes and glared at Maureen, who was laughing herself silly from her place two inches above Mimi's face. Roxy was too, clapping her hands and giggling like a demon from where she squatted on the end of Mimi's bed. Light filtered in through the clear windows, flooding Mimi's apartment with warm sunshine.

" Maureen, I was sleeping, thank you!"

"Ahem. You _were_ sleeping; not anymore. We changed that, right Roxy-girl?" Roxy gurgled and began padding down the mattress towards Mimi, crawling along beside Mimi's stretched-out legs. Mimi sighed and stopped glaring as she reached down and heaved Roxy into her lap.

"Woo! You are getting heavier by the minute, nena!" Mimi huffed. The little girl grinned and tugged at the loose grey tank top that Mimi was wearing as pajamas. Mimi untangled her hand from the garment and shot Maureen, who had settled herself on the edge of the bed, a look. "She's your daughter, all right." Maureen rolled her eyes and reached over to smooth Roxy's silky black hair back from her forehead.

"Uh-uh, honey, don't go after the straight girls. I learned that hard way; you might as well learn it now. Oh, and she's already taken anyway." Mimi smacked Maureen on the arm.

"Don't act like your baby's a perv! We might yet save her from that mess."

" Mimi, all of us are lost causes. What makes you think that she's going to be any different, growing up with aunts and uncles like you all?" Mimi sighed and smiled, planting a kiss on Roxy's ear.

"I guess you're right. Roxy, are you going to be as messed up as your Auntie Mimi when you grow up? Are you going to destroy your entire life and then come back from the dead on Christmas Eve? Are you? How 'bout that, huh?" Mimi cuddled Roxy close, avoiding Maureen's gaze. Nuzzling the soft black fluff on Roxy's head, Mimi said casually, " Roger went out early to pick up some--"

"Food, I know. Mark said he'd be back in half an hour to an hour. I thought that...you know, we might visit you. Roxy wanted to check her Auntie Mimi, make sure that she's been okay since last weekend." Maureen sighed and ran a hand over the raised stitching on Mimi's comforter. " Mimi...she and Jon really missed you."

"Did they?" Mimi asked softly, allowing Roxy to examine her ring finger to the extent of shoving it into her mouth and thoughtfully sucking on it. Mimi giggled as Roxy squeezed her hand with tiny fingers. "How old's she and her brother now?"

"Two and a half months. Pediatrician says that they're maturing at an accelerated rate, though, so--what?" Maureen gave Mimi a questioning look as her friend struggled not to laugh. Mimi swallowed her giggles and shrugged.

"I don't know...it's just that you're using these words: accelerated, maturing, pediatrician...they make you sound like such a mother." Maureen frowned slightly.

"But I am a mother. Hard to believe, but true." Mimi nodded and pulled her finger out of Roxy's mouth, wiping the drool off on the side of her bed. Roxy meanwhile took a sudden and intense interest in her own toes. Mimi shifted and crossed her legs beneath the covers as Roxy rocked back and forth, her tiny brick-like feet sticking straight into the air.

"Yeah...I mean, who would have guessed that you'd be having kids? This story...our story...would have been insanely less complicated without them. But a lot more boring too," she added quickly at the look on Maureen's face. On Mimi's lap, Roxy got tired of playing with her feet and started struggling to crawl away.

"I think Roxy needs her mama," Mimi said, hurriedly handing the baby off to Maureen. Maureen cuddled up the little girl who, tired out by exploration of Mimi's bed, promptly went limp and fell asleep. Maureen folded her little arms and legs inwardly and straightened her clothing.

"She crashes every few hours. I'm the same way...but you knew that, didn't you?" Mimi nodded and smiled. But the smile slowly fell from her face as she watched Maureen bundle Roxy up.

" Maureen?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss her?" Maureen pursed her lips slightly and held the sleeping Roxy to her breast. Mimi looked down at her lap. Neither spoke for a moment. Then Maureen sighed.

"Of course I do, Mimi...but there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't see her like you did, I haven't--oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, Mimi, I'm so sorry..." Mimi's hands had reflexively grabbed the edge of her blanket, and her eyes had flashed with something. Maureen quickly reached out and touched her arm gently. "I really didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you for seeing her, Mimi...I'm so sorry..."

"It's all right, you didn't mean it. It's how I feel, though," Mimi said dully. Maureen ground her teeth together.

"Why?"

" Maureen, I almost died because I screwed it all up, I made every possible wrong choice. Then she bailed me out, she helped me work through it like all those other times. And now I'm here with you guys and she's still..."

"You don't have to say it."

"I can't stand missing her like this, Maureen. I can't stand feeling like I took her for granted so badly." Mimi drew her legs up to her chest and hugged them, giant brown eyes peeking out over the tops of her knees. Maureen was silent for a moment. Then she leaned forward and took Mimi's hand, gently running one finger over the top knuckles.

" Mimi, it's hard, it really is. I'm not saying it's going to get better soon. But...baby, would Angel want you like this? Is this the way she would want you to feel when you remembered her?" Mimi sniffled and squeezed Maureen's hand. In her sleep, Roxy sneezed. Mimi smiled and laughed wetly.

"You know...Roxy really looks a lot like Angel. It's nice." Maureen nodded.

"Yes, it is."


	33. Somewhere Deep Inside

**not a _whole_ lot of chapters left here, but I'm still going strong. these kids are pretty much _way _more mature than they would be at this age, but i really don't freakin care. the chapters might go even further in time. i promise that no one is going to die for a while. yay.**

"You are so cute! Yes, you are! Yes, you _are_!" Mimi cooed as she bounced Jon up and down on her lap. Sitting opposite her on the floor, Roger rolled his eyes.

"Mimi, they don't understand English, why the hell are you talking to them?" he asked disdainfully. Mimi glared at him, then picked Jon up under his armpits and held him high in the air. He giggled and grinned, exhibiting three shiny white baby teeth.

"Look, little Jonny has such a nice smile! Too bad that big ol' Uncle Roger is being a meanypants! That means he's not allowed to get such pretty smiles! Isn't that right, cutey? Isn't it?" Mimi used her index fingers to tickle his armpits. Jon began to screech with laughter, which made Roger put his hands over his ears.

"Oh god, if the baby talk isn't bad enough, now they're loud as hell!" he groaned. Mimi lowered Jon and kissed his white-blonde duck fluff.

"You don't speak in baby talk, do you? Do you?" she asked in a squeaky voice. Roger pretended to gag. Meanwhile, Collins, Joanne, Mark, and Maureen were struggling not to throw up from laughter.

"Mimi, do you have to ask him the same thing twice every time you say _anything _to the kid? And yes, he's a baby, he speaks in baby talk!" Roger pointed out. Mimi gave Roger another evil look.

"You know what? Shut up."

"I gotta agree with Roger here," Collins broke in, wiping tears of laughter away. "You sound like you're on some serious meds, Mimi." Mimi stuck her tongue out at him. Jon started fussing, his tiny hands grabbing the air as they stretched out towards Roger.

"Look, Roger, he wants you to hold him!" Joanne said with a smile. Before Roger could object, Mimi slipped the little boy into his arms. Roger stared at him with a sudden wonder, gently rocking him back and forth. Mark elbowed Collins from his position beside him on the couch of Maureen and Joanne's apartment.

"Think Rog is going to ever going to let go of that baby?"

"Not without the help of a crowbar," Collins replied. Mark snorted. Maureen took advantage of his momentary distraction and gently shoved Roxy at him. Mark, taken by surprise, accepted the baby girl without any resistance. By the time he realized that he, Mark Cohen, was actually holding a baby, it was too late.

"Goo-_blaaaaah…_" Roxy gurgled, her eyes sparkling. Mark, who had not held a baby since Cindy's last child (four years ago), was reminded again of how light and fragile babies seemed when you looked at them, but how heavy and somehow bulky they became the moment you picked them up. Still, Roxy wasn't _too_ heavy; she was nearer the weight that she looked than what mark knew from experience was truly Baby Weight.

"Hey…hey, how're you doing?" he whispered, cradling her against his chest. Making sure to support her head, he touched her tiny chin with one finger. Collins rolled his eyes and poked Mark in the neck.

"Mark, you can tell me that babies look like grubs all you want, but you are such a nanny-type at heart." Joanne and Maureen stifled laughter as Mark ignored Collins and whispered something more to Roxy. On the floor, Mimi was leaning on Roger's shoulder, stroking Jon's forehead with an arm that snaked around Roger's ribcage and up underneath his jacket. Roger was fascinated by the baby, as he was every time he held either of them. The look on his face as he watched Jon squirm vaguely in his arms could probably have made any self-respecting grandmother cry like hell.

"Mark, you've had your turn, gimme," Collins said after a few minutes. Mark reluctantly got up and gently handed Roxy to Collins, who accepted her with perfectly positioned arms. As Roxy was transferred, she began to fuss and whine. Collins quickly _shhhh_ed her and began rocking her slowly. Within seconds, she had quieted. However, her fussing was quickly replaced with a sort of squelching noise, and then…

"Oh my freaking god, he _barfed_ on me!" Roger's cry of horror pierced the whole apartment. Jon grinned up at him, as though congratulating Roger on the splotch of white baby-vomit on his shirt. Mimi was laughing too hard to take the baby, so Joanne swept in and gathered him up. Roger began wailing as he stared down at his shirt.

"That's disgusting! Oh my god, I can't believe a freakin' baby _barfed_ on me…" Mark and Mimi were still laughing themselves silly, while Joanne bit her lip to keep from smiling and hurried off to the bathroom to clean Jon up. Maureen would have been laughing too, if she hadn't caught sight of Collins and Roxy.

He was holding the little girl close to his face, so close that her warm, milky breath softly tickled his cheeks. As Maureen watched, he leaned down and gently, oh so gently, pressed a kiss to the bridge of Roxy's nose. As he pulled back, her tiny hands wriggled free of her purple jumpsuit and grabbed onto his lower lip, preventing him from moving farther away. When he became still, those unimaginably delicate fingers let go of his lip and trailed down his chin, lingering there as though unsure of whether they would need to rise again to keep him near.

"Baby, baby…you got such pretty eyes," Maureen heard him say in a breathy whisper. As she looked at the two of them, her heart aching, she noticed something in Collins' own eyes. It was a flicker, a spark of something that had once been bigger and more beautiful than ever. And Maureen realized…not only did Roxy look like Angel, but maybe deep inside, she was Angel. In a miniscule way, a tiny way, there was something of Angel in her more than just appearance. And Collins, who had loved Angel with a stronger and deeper love than anyone else, could see it. They would all see it in time…but his eyes found it, buried in her youth and innocence and newness. He knew that his Angel was in there somewhere, and to know that…it was doing things to help him heal that nothing else could.

Mimi had pulled the despairing Roger off to the kitchen to try to wash the stain off and Mark had followed, shaking his head and still laughing. Maureen, Roxy, and Collins were alone in the room. She went and sat beside him on the couch, smiling a little as she gazed at Roxy.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Maureen said quietly. Collins nodded and ran the pad of his thumb along Roxy's smooth brown arm.

"You know, Maureen…I've never really held any babies before. I mean, this is all new to me, but…I think it's not so bad." Collins smiled as he said this. As if sensing that she was being complimented, Roxy squirmed a little and squeaked. The two of them laughed.

"She's happy that you're holding her," Maureen told him. A grin crept onto his face that made Maureen feel—not to sound too clichéd or cheesy—all sunny inside. She rested her head on his shoulder and let Roxy chew at her knuckle.

"I'm going to brun this shirt!" Roger shouted from the other room. The two of them laughed. Roxy gnawed contentedly. All was right with the world.

Bullshit. The world sucks. But sometimes, it can be a little brighter.

**awww.**


	34. Once Upon A Time

**A/N:** Okie doke, so here we go. This is about a year After Angel's death, meaning ALMOST a year since RENT. I don't like writing postRENT much, so this story maybe nearing it's end. SAD! But not right now, so here's another chappie. And FYI, I used to do my hair in a Pebbles Flintstone-type way. Scary, trust me.

* * *

"Once upon a time…there was a magical land called Yew Nork. It was a wonderful place, full of cars and buildings and performance spaces. And even though it had meanies in it who tried to get rid of the nice things, especially the performance spaces, it was still the nicest place in the world. And in this magical land there lived seven brave knights." 

"Knightses," Jon agreed, nodding sagely. Maureen smiled and flexed her stomach muscles, moving the little boy up and down as he straddled her tummy. Jon giggled and clapped his hands as he bounced up and down like a ship on waves. At almost a year old, he was beginning to actually talk instead of gurgling. Roxy was chattering nonstop; about what, it didn't matter. All she wanted to do was talk. And for the first time, the two of them were starting to walk. They were really growing up.

"Yes, knights. They were all strong and true, and they loved each other very much. There was Sir Maureen, the Beautiful and Talented—"

"Nah, nah, dumbo," Jon corrected her. Maureen frowned and sat up, leaning against the backboard of her and Joanne's bed. Jon knelt in her lap, grinning and displaying quite a few shiny new teeth. His thick blonde hair was longer now, falling in his eyes adorably. He was dressed in a little NYU sweatshirt that Collins had swiped from one of the college's promotional displays and a pair of bright orange pants. It all clashed horribly and looked absolutely perfect on him. He gazed at Maureen with all the love and simplicity of a young child watching their mother. It made her heart ache sometimes, to know that an actual person could look at her like that.

"Jonathan Ericcson Johnson, you are growing up to be such a rude little child. Fine, dumbo. Sir Maureen, the Beautifully Talented Dumbo. Now let's see…there was Sir Collins, the Annoying and Wise. And Sir Mimi, the Most Wonderfullest Dancer in All the Land. Sir Roger, the Musical and Immature was there too, and his friend Sir Mark, whose mighty camera was the nightmare of all policeman in Yew Nork." Roxy listened intently to all of this, his tiny hands vaguely playing with Maureen's hair. Maureen closed her eyes as she talked and savored that feeling of small fingers against her face.

"And we can't forget Sir Joanne, the Amazing and Wonderful and…" Maureen paused and looked around before leaning in and secretively whispering, "and the Slightly Anal Retentive."

"I heard that," Joanne said, sticking her tongue out at Maureen as she walked into the bedroom. Roxy was nestled comfortably on her hip, little arms wrapped around Joanne's waist. Her silky dark hair was pulled up in a Pebbles Flintstone-style hairdo and secured with a glittery hair tie. She was wearing a pair of purple corduroy overalls and a bright green t-shirt beneath. And most strikingly of all, her beautiful, chocolate-brown eyes seemed to have grown larger and even clearer than before. The moment you looked into those eyes, you felt that everything about you was being read aloud into the open air.

"Heh heh…oops," Maureen whimpered. Joanne rolled her eyes and climbed onto the bed beside Maureen, shifting Roxy from her hip to her knees. Roxy flopped forward onto Joanne's legs and crossed her eyes, while Jon gave her a look that could almost be called condescending. Maureen and Joanne laughed, and Joanne crossed her arms.

"So…storytime?"

"Oh, just a little thing I was talking to Jon about. Making it up as I went along…"

"Well, keep going," Joanne said, nudging Maureen with her elbow. Maureen grinned and let her head fall onto Joanne's shoulder.

"Okay, sure. Let's see, was that all the knights? No, there was one more. Sir Angel, the…the Brave and Color-Coordinated." Joanne smiled and laced her fingers with Maureen's.

"These seven knights went all over Yew Nork, doing good and searching for justice. They battled evil monsters like Benny the Dragon and something called urban renewals. But no matter what, those seven knights remained steadfast friends. They were always there for each other, even when it seemed like the mean things might win. And because they were very nice and they deserved it, the knights stayed together forever. All of them."

"Foweva," Roxy lisped, kicking her little legs and whacking Joanne in the shin. Joanne winced and shifted a little away from Maureen so that she could see the diva's face.

"Honeybear, that was a nice story…"

"Yeah, but that's all it'll ever be," Maureen snapped, her temperament changed within seconds. She briskly pulled Jon into her arms and got off the bed, shaking back her hair.

"I'm going to put Jon to bed. Don't wait up; I'll read a little afterwards." And then she was gone. Joanne stared at her retreating back, then sighed and gathered Roxy into her own arms.

"Mom, oh man, sweetie, you've got one screwed up family going on here," she whispered. Roxy stuck her tongue out and nodded.

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When Joanne had finished bedding down Roxy, she wandered into the tiny kitchen and found Maureen sitting at the table, her head in her hands and her legs crossed Indian-style on the chair.

"Jesus, honey, pull yourself together. Want some tea?" Joanne asked, getting two mugs from the cupboard.

"Nah."

"Bullshit." Joanne proceeded to fill the kettle with enough hot water for two. Maureen knew it, but didn't fight her. There wasn't really any point; and besides, she really did want some tea.

"Joanne…how'd things turn out like this? How'd I wind up with two kids and an aching back in the middle of New York City at the age of twenty-five?" she asked softly, blowing a strand of hair off her forehead. Joanne shrugged and started searching for teabags.

"Who knows what their lives are going to be like before they live them, honeybear? You don't know what's going to happen in the future, so you have to feel your way forward in the dark. This wasn't something you thought would happen; so? Live with it and enjoy it anyway you can." This was pretty deep for Joanne, and Maureen noticed. But she didn't point it out. She just slumped forward onto the table and put her head tiredly on the tops of her folded hands.

"It's just…I'm feeling like that whole year, with Angel and everything…well, like it's getting farther away now, you know? I don't want to forget it, Joanne, I can't deal with that."

"I understand, honey, but it's not as bad as it could be. We're still together: you and me and Collins and Mark and—"

"And Mimi and Roger, yeah, I know. But how long until Roger starts coughing or Collins gets a cold? And Mimi's died once already, she's not…oh God, what am I saying?" Maureen shook her head disbelievingly and leaned back in her chair, eyes closed. There was a moment of silence between them, but then the kettle whistled and Joanne ran for it, while Maureen sighed and shifted her fingers around.

"Baby, don't focus on that stuff. It's not the right thing…you know that." Joanne said this as she carefully filled the mugs with hot water. Dropping a teabag in each, she brought them over to the table and sat down across from Maureen. They both sat there, dunking their teabags up and down…

Without saying a word.


	35. Leading Up To It

**A/N: **Nearing the end!!! But enough of that for now. The video will be in the next chapter, and yes; I endorse Kit Kats. Those things are yummy as hell.

Note: this is when the kids are about four.I know things should be more different...but so sue me.

* * *

"Mark?" 

"Maureen, hey. I…I thought you might call." Mark sounded uncertain on the phone, as though he felt wary just talking to her. Maureen gritted her teeth and nodded, pushing her hair back with one hand.

"Yeah, you noticed the date too, huh?" she said with a sigh.

"Uh-huh. Maureen…if you don't feel ready to show them this—"

"No, I do. At least…" Maureen took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. Roxy and Jon were at the daycare around the way, and Joanne was at work. She knew it was sort of rotten for her to wait until they were all gone to call Mark, but she couldn't have done it otherwise. This was hard enough alone.

"At least what?" Mark said softly. Maureen stared at the ceiling as she thought over how she should answer.

"I'm just a little nervous…like maybe they aren't old enough yet. What would be the point?" Maureen asked, hoping to God he would tell her. He did.

"The point is that you and I both know Collins has been to the doctor three times in the last month, and that's not normal, no matter what he says. You want him to see this with them, Maureen. It wouldn't be right otherwise."

"You're right…you're right," Maureen said, squeezing the phone tightly in her hand. "I want everyone…I want all of us to be with them when they see her. Who knows if Collins or Roger or Mimi will…" She couldn't finish. But she didn't need to. Mark's sympathetic nod was almost audible on the telephone.

"Okay. I'll get it out. Tomorrow?"

"Around two. See you then."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"…Okay."

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"Mama, I'm tired!" Jon whined as he made puppy dog-eyes up at Maureen. She rolled her eyes and scooped him up, settling him on her hip. Behind her, she heard Joanne sniff in disapproval.

"Don't start, Pookie," Maureen said out of the corner of her mouth. Unfortunately, her words were lost as Roxy, incensed by the unfairness of her brother's treatment in comparison to her own, started to fuss like all hell.

"I want to be carried _too!_ It's not fair! I wanna go up! I wanna go up!" she protested, stopping her tracks and stamping her feet. Joanne rolled her eyes and tugged on her hand.

"C'mon, Roxabelle, we're almost there, just a few more blocks…"

"No! UP!" Roxy hollered, crossing her arms like an obstinate little politician. Joanne shot a death glare at Maureen's back, then knelt and picked Roxy up, hosting her up to her shoulder. Roxy yelped with delight and swung her feet, kicking Joanne in the shoulder.

"Maureen and her freakin' genes…" Joanne muttered to herself as she walked faster to catch up with her lover. The streets around the loft felt as familiar as her own apartment by now, but Joanne had always been nervous about bringing the kids around there. Maybe she was biased, but she wasn't willing to get separated from Maureen in any way when they had Roxy and Jon with them in the place.

"Hey! Move your behinds and throw down the key!" Maureen hollered when they reached the loft. After a few seconds, Mimi appeared on the balcony. She broke into a grin when she saw who it was, and waved with the hand that held the keys.

"You're late!" she yelled back, letting the keys fall to earth. Maureen put Jon down and picked up the keys, giving Mimi a look that was condescending even from several stories down.

"And you're Miss Punctuality, we know!" With that, she took Jon's hand and went to enter the building. Joanne rolled her eyes and let Roxy down.

"Baba, are we going to see another movie today?" Roxy asked as she climbed the stairs to the loft beside Joanne. Joanne glanced down at her pseudo-daughter and smiled. Even though Roxy and Jon had come to the loft to see some films that Mark made especially for them, the little girl seemed to have a strange sense of clairvoyance when it came to matters like this. Joanne had the feeling that Roxy would always know a little more than even she realized.

"Hide the drugs and booze, we're coming in," Maureen called as she walked inside. Mimi ran to greet them all while Roger followed, albeit with a little less drive. He'd been at a big gig with his band the other night, and he was both a little hung-over and a lot tired. Still, that didn't stop Jon and Roxy from swarming him, begging to be tossed in the air and swung around by their waists (stunts that only Roger was allowed by the unwritten laws to perform, just as only Mark was allowed to make cracks about how white Jon's hair really was).

"Woger! Woger! Woger!" they yelled as they attached themselves to his pant legs. Sadly, they had lisped his name at an early age and it stuck. Maureen usually had convulsions from laughter whenever she heard that pronunciation of his name, but not today. There was too much emotion waiting to pounce in what the near future might hold.

"They look great. Can't say the same for you too," Mimi said, smiling as she gave Maureen and Joanne hugs. Mimi still danced at the Cat Scratch, but her hours had been cut back ever since her stint at rehab. To look at her, you could hardly tell that she had aged a day from the wild, fiery young girl who entered the loft years ago on Christmas Eve. But they were there; those years had caught ahold of her, at least on the inside. Her eyes still had that spark. Yet it no longer shone so brightly.

"Shut up. Where're Mark and Collins?" Maureen asked, looking around and frowning. Mimi opened her mouth to answer, but Roger got there ahead of her.

"Collins is in the bathroom. Mark's just getting the film organized and everything, he's in his room. Jeez, you little creep, get off me," he said gently to Roxy, who was shimmying up his leg like a monkey. Roger still had his band, and they were playing the same places he had played five and a half years ago. He and Mimi had a few rough spots here and there; but they understood now. What Collins and Angel had known…they knew too now. And Roger was determined that he honor this understanding until his dying day. Now, watching him laughingly pretend to shake her children off his limbs, Maureen felt with a twinge his life and spirit. They were there, and they always had been. The real tragedy was how long it had taken them to emerge from within.

"Jon, honey, don't bite Roger's pants, they're not clean," Joanne said, detaching the four-year-old from Roger's jeans. Roger shook off his leg and gave Joanne a look.

"Not that I want your kid drooling all over my pants, but how do you know they're not clean? That's assumption, Joanne."

"Roger. Come on," she said, raising an eyebrow. Roger sighed and pretended to ignore her.

"That wouldn't be the Jefferson-Johnson clan, would it?" Collins said, emerging from the bathroom. Roxy, who hanging off of Roger's arm, gave a cry of joy and abandoned Roger to charge at Collins like a tiny missile. He grinned and dropped to his knees, catching her up just in time to keep her from crashing her into his knees. Holding her in his arms, he stood and brought her very close to his face, kissing her nose very gently, as he always did. Roxy giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You're funny," she said, pressing her cheek against his. Collins smiled and tugged on a lock of her loose brown hair.

"Well, guess what?"

"What?"

"You look funny." She squealed with laughter and bounced up and down in his arms. The previous exchange was their ritual greeting for each other. No one had any idea how they came up with it, but Roxy absolutely refused to talk to Collins until they had done it.

"C'mere, you scoundrel, you," Maureen said, going over to kiss Collins's cheek. He gave her shoulder a squeeze with the arm that wasn't holding Roxy. Maureen kept her mouth in a smile, but inside her stomach was flipping over. Collins was fading; no doubt about it. The doctor's visits…the way he was even more tired than usual…and Maureen had noticed that he was taking AZT—or some kind of pill—without the reminder from his beeper. He had waited around long enough. Maureen knew that when someone with AIDS got sick, a big part of possible recovery was just how hard the victim fought against the disease. She had a terrible feeling that Collins might not bother to fight back when the time came. Angel and he were done missing each other. Whatever chance he had to be with her, he would take it.

"What are you _feeding_ this child?" Collins said, moving Roxy up and down a little. "She still weighs as much as she did when she was born, for god's sake. Stop with all this meat crap; meatless balls ought to put something on your bones," he said with a laugh. Maureen rolled her eyes and ruffled Roxy's hair.

"You're here already? Wow," Mark remarked, walking into the room with a few film reels under his arm. Jon ran to grab at his pockets; Mark always had some sort of candy for them, regardless of broke he might be.

"Hold it, hold it, here you go," he groaned, handing Jon a mini Kit Kat bar. Jon shrieked with delight and ripped off the wrapping, then stuck the candy in his mouth and munched away as he clung to Mark's leg. Roxy spotted the exchange and started squirming. Collins let her down and laughed as Mark nearly fell to the ground when she scored a full body hit to his other leg, screeching for candy.

It took a little while, but sooner or later all sugar cravings were satiated and Mark had managed to set up the projector. All the adults were jumpy now; none of them except Mark had ever seen this movie, and he could not remember it. It would be like seeing her again…for the first time outside of their dreams.

Mimi and Roger pulled the table around and sat on it together, while Maureen and Joanne took the couch. Roxy and Jon sat on their laps, for once still and silent. Small as they were, it was impossible not to sense the tension in the air.

"Collins, you want me to move over…?" Maureen asked tentatively. He shook his head and plopped down on the floor by her legs. He didn't care about where he sat; he only cared about what he saw.

"Okay. So…um…here we go," Mark said awkwardly, his hands hovering over the waiting projector. There was a moment of silence…then Maureen nodded and held Jon very tightly to her. Mark sighed and pressed the button.

_Turn the projector on..._

* * *

First shot Roger? I think not._  
_


	36. Saying Hello

**A/N: **Ah, it feels so good to update this fic! I've been missing those little tykes...anyway, this has only half of the movie in it. The next half will follow, and i PROMISE to not make you wait so long for it!

* * *

It started out with a grainy shot of a mailbox, and a wobbly voice that vaguely sounded like Mark's saying, "Testing…we are now…testing…god, this sounds stupid…" As he spoke, both the voice and the shot solidified until they were as clear and strong as anything that Mark's camera shot. Then the picture blinked away and there was static.

"I, um, wanted to make sure it was working," Mark explained, swallowing nervously. No one said anything as they waited for the static to materialize into some recognizable shape. But when it did, none of them felt that they were ready for what they saw, no matter how old the pain or how hard the shell.

Angel. The real Angel, sitting cross-legged in a hospital bed, with a tube taped to her arm and dark blue pajamas on. The real Angel, smiling at the camera as though she was smiling at each and every one of them. They had steeled themselves for it, but they had done enough. There was no enough.

Roxy and Jon were usually antsy in the beginning of movies: it was only after a few minutes that they became absorbed and still. But now it was different. Both of them watched the image on the flat white sheet, thrown up there by the projector, as though it was one giant candy bar. Their wide, shining eyes reflected Angel's face like brown and blue mirrors.

"Is it on now, Mark? Because I'm not going through some big heartwarming speech in front of a camera that might as well be pointed at the floor," Angel said, laughing a little as she spoke. Maureen wordlessly let go of Roxy and reached out to Joanne and Collins, grabbing their hands and squeezing them like Silly Putty. Joanne's was chilled; Collins's was actually shaking. She managed to tear her eyes away from the screen long enough to see that Mark, Mimi, and Roger were also linked by hands.

"Yeah, it's on," Mark assured from off-screen. Angel nodded and faced the camera head on, her eyes looking through the lens and, it seemed, right at the people who were now watching her, trying not to cry or scream.

"Okay, well…I'll start out by saying hi to those adorable little babies who are watching this right now…but I guess you won't be babies then, will you? Whatever…but anyways, hi, Roxy! And hi, Jon! How're you guys doing?" she asked, grinning at the camera and wiggling her fingers in a wave. In Joanne's lap, Jon bounced up and down.

"Hi," he said shyly, wagging his own fingers in return. They all stiffened when they heard him, but no one looked away from Angel.

"I hope you're doing okay! But it's not like I have anything to worry about, because you've got such great mommies to take care of you, right? Mo and Jo, the pair of you, I know you'll be watching this too, so I'm giving a shout out to my favorite diva and lawyer, respectively. Love you guys, and I hope that somehow, miraculously, you two are managing to not spoil your kids. But that's a little too much to expect of you, so just keep in mind that I'm willing to lower my standards." Onscreen, Angel winked and shifted her legs around, uncrossing them under the blanket and leaning back against her pillows. Off-screen and in the loft, Maureen and Joanne were both crying silently, their faces shiny with tears. Roxy and Jon didn't notice, their attention riveted on the screen; but the others noticed. Collins squeezed Maureen's hand.

"Mark, stop making that face! Of course I'm going to say hello to the future you! Hi, Marky! How's it going? You still using this amazing camera of yours? You better be, because if you're not I'm going to bug you like the world's most annoying mosquito until you get it back. But whether you have the camera or not, I hope you're still doing all right, and you know I love you to death. Jeez, I said stop with the face! Or do you have indigestion?" Angel teased, giggling at an embarrassed Mark. The real Mark squeezed his eyes shut and gave a tiny smile as he remembered that day. Roger and Mimi's hands tightened on his.

"Roger and Mimi, I have not forgotten you two, even if you're wishing I had. Roger, if you haven't found that song yet, you keep working your ass off. If you have, then it was too easy and you're in trouble, mister." Roger gave a sort of choked laugh and hung his head.

"But you know I'll always be impressed with you, honey," Angel continued, her kind face and gentle voice so achingly familiar. Roxy and Jon sat as still as statues, aware that something beyond their abilities of comprehension was taking place…and comprehending it anyway.

"Mimi, chica, you've got to be watching this, so I'm gonna assume that you and Roger aren't in one of your stupid fights. I bet you're not, because by now you've both realized how amazing each other is and you've made up, and if you haven't, then do it as soon as I stop talking. But for the moment, chica, all I can say I love you and I'm counting on you to corrupt Roxy and Jon when Maureen and Joanne aren't looking, okay? Good."

"Oh, god," Mimi suddenly rasped, her voice hoarse with emotion. She turned and buried her face in Roger's shoulder. He clasped her around the shoulders and kissed her hair as she breathed deeply and fought the tears.

"And…yeah. Mark, I'm sorry, but I have to kick you out, sweetie," Angel apologized, looking off-screen. All adult eyes flew to Collins, sure that he was as stunned as they were that there had been no greeting for him. But he was only staring at Angel, his eyes so wide that they seemed as large as the screen itself.

Onscreen, the camera jiggled as Mark adjusted it where it sat and then said something inaudible. Angel nodded and her eyes tracked him as he went to the door. There was a sound as he opened it, went through, and then a click as it closed. Somehow the picture seemed to grow smaller as Angel adjusted herself, still gazing levelly at the camera. Mimi hiccupped and clutched Roger's arm.

"Well, it's just you and me…you meaning Roxy and Jon and whoever else is watching, which I know is all of you for the moment. But there's going to be some point when only Roxy and Jon watch this, so I'll talk to them…but for the moment, all of you should listen." Angel seemed more serious now, but there was still the familiar spark of love in her eyes. Roxy and Jon, hearing their names, leaned forward. Roxy fidgeted a little, and then she slipped forward and clambered down from the couch and into Collins's lap.

"I wanna sit here," she told him, already settling down in the cup of his legs. Collins's breath caught, and he slowly nodded. Then he wrapped his large hands around her tiny tummy. She snuggled up against him and went back to watching the screen. But as the Angel on the screen began to speak, Collins closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting Roxy's fluffy hair brush against his face.

* * *

(sniffle) 


	37. Run Away

**A/N: **Welp, here you go. It's annoyingly short and all that, but oh well. AND in case you wanted to know, I just downloaded the episode of Law and Order: SVU that Wilson's in off iTunes, and it is AMAZING. He's adorable in it (the hair's a little weird, but it IS Wilson) and he does a magnificent acting job. I just kept wanting to hug him because he looked so damn sad...and yet so damn adorable at the same time. If you want to get it, it's the 1st season and it's called "Nocturne."

* * *

"Maureen!"

Joanne's shout rang out behind her as Maureen fled from the room, her head down and her hands rubbing the tears away from her cheeks. She could see the screen in her mind and it burned her like a lick of flame. Angel…god, why the hell did she have to do that? Why'd she have to be so…Maureen couldn't complete the thought. All she knew was that she had to run away from Angel; maybe it meant running from Roxy and Jon and Joanne and everyone else, but she had to run.

It had been that moment when Angel winked at the camera. Right before she started talking again, she'd winked. And it hurt so much; it was so undeniably Angel that Maureen couldn't stand it. She couldn't remember, not after fighting the memories for so many years. It had been hard enough to look at her own daughter and see a baby who looked more like Angel each day. That was spooky as well; and Maureen, despite having always believed that religion was "for people with too much time on their hands", had a feeling that _someone_ was having a pretty sick joke on her behalf.

When she finally stopped running, her surroundings resolved themselves into a familiar setting: Tompkins Square Park, the middle ground between Angel's apartment and the loft. Maureen reeled and dropped onto a bench as she remembered that day years ago, when Angel and Mimi had switched her and Joanne around into getting back together in this very park. She flashed backwards in time, recalling the bags under Angel and Mimi's eyes from three solid days of babysitting the two grown woman; the incredulous look on their faces when she and Joanne came down the path holding hands; the warmth of her congratulatory hug…Maureen didn't think she could have felt any more pathetic than she had when she'd run away, but now the tears rolling down her cheeks and the sobs in her throat convinced her otherwise.

"_Fine, fine! I'll fucking tell her if you want!"_

"_It's not what we want, Mo. It's what you want."_

_-------_

"_You look amazing, honey. Your baby's gonna have such a pretty mama!"_

_-------_

"_Maureen, I think those kids of yours are miracle workers."_

_-------_

_Angel…_

_Screw you for doing this to me._

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Angel spoke. She smiled and played with the hospital blanket while she did it, but she spoke. No one could look away. No one could speak. No one could look away. And none of the adults weren't crying.

Collins had hardly blinked since the film began. He was crying, but the tears were silent; he was watching, but his eyes weren't wide. Roxy sat in his lap, her tiny hands resting on one of his while she stared up at the screen. He could feel her pulse thumping softly in the tips of her thumbs. It seemed to beat along with Angel's words.

The rest of them were enveloped in Angel. None of them had seen her like this since long before she'd gotten sick. None of them could bear to watch, yet they would never have forgiven themselves if they'd left. Maureen was the only one who'd run, and though Joanne called after her, they hadn't pursued her. She was hurting in her way, and they in theirs.

And Angel kept on speaking.


	38. The End

**A/N: **(deep breath) Okay, this is the last chapter! I know I haven't updated this in months, but I just had to finish. Sadly, this chapter is a lot like a fic I just posted called Need. I assure you that I had this written in June and I was so goddamn lazy that I never posted it. I wrote Need two nights ago.

Enjoy!

* * *

" Maureen? That you?"

Maureen winced and clenched her jaw as she heard the voice. For a moment she couldn't tell where it was coming from: the loft was dark, but dim enough to tell that the sleeping bodies scattered across it weren't talking. Then she saw him, perched out on the fire escape with an unlit cigarette. Picking her way carefully across the room ( Mark and Roger had the weird ability to fall asleep on the hideously uncomfortable loft floor), Maureen unlatched the window and climbed out to join Collins on the fire escape.

"Hey. I…um…how it's going?" she asked lamely, hugging her knees to her chest as she sat back on the platform. Collins, who was leaning against the railing, shrugged and twirled the cigarette between his fingertips. His face was stony, illuminated by yellowish streetlight.

"It didn't go on for too long after you left. Roxy and Jon…they understood. I'm not sure how, but they got what that video meant. Maureen, she never even knew them, but she loved your kids," he said softly, glancing in her direction. Maureen nodded and bit down hard on the inside of her lip. It was less painful than listening to him speak.

"After she was done talking to them, she—she wanted to know if I was available to talk to privately…god, that's so Angel. 'Available'…instead of asking whether I've died or not," Collins said with a dry laugh. "But everyone left and she…I…I miss her. I missed her before seeing this, but now I miss her like I'd miss my lungs if they disappeared. I can't breathe without her now, I can't…she spoke to me. She knew she was dying when she made that video and spoke to me…" He trailed off, eyes glittering in the streetlight. Maureen nodded slowly and exhaled, tasting blood from her lip as her teeth dug in. But she was going to scream if she didn't bite down, if she didn't shut herself up…she was going to scream.

After a moment or two, Collins sighed and reached into his pocket, taking out a book of matches and lighting one. Touching it to the tip of his cigarette, he waited until it glowed and breathed in deeply, throwing the match away and letting smoke curl into the air. As he blew the smoke in his lungs out through his lips, Maureen could have sworn that it lingered before him for a second…as though it were afraid to leave his side.

"I didn't want to have them," she said suddenly. She wasn't quite sure where it came from; maybe she'd wanted to say it for a while. Collins showed no sign that he'd heard her. He merely took another drag on his cigarette. "I didn't want my life to change like that. I didn't want to be that person…the one who screws up way more people's lives than just her own when she has a baby…or babies. Everything I knew and everything I wanted said I shouldn't."

"Then why did you?" Collins asked quietly. Maureen felt as though she should have an answer. But there was no reason in her brain, at least none that she could understand. Still, she spoke…though with the hesitancy of someone who does not know what will come out of her mouth.

"Maybe…maybe being that person, in this world—this world where you can't be sure of anyone, you can't know what's going to happen tomorrow because it only takes a day for your friend to get sick or to lose the place that you live in or a million other thing…maybe I wanted to be that person because then I'd have done something that I could carry out of this world. I'd have something—maybe good, maybe bad, but something—to remind me I'm not stuck in one place. I have room to move, to have and raise the kids from one bad party, and I know it. I screwed us all up quite a bit, and God knows life with them isn't easy or cheap or even fun some of the time…but that doesn't mean I would give them back if I could. They're mine…and if loving them is stupid, then that's what I'll do."

"Because you're so good at being stupid," Collins broke in, a half-smile on his face. Maureen snorted before she could help herself; the whole thing seemed ridiculous, here in the middle of the night on a fire escape. Then her eyes drifted towards the loft and she saw Roxy, her tiny form limply sprawled on Mimi's stomach. In this light, she looked more like Angel than ever.

"Well…who knows what things'll be like for them in ten, eleven years?" Collins mused aloud, exhaling smoke. Maureen tore her eyes away from her child and glanced up at the sky. Smog floated like Collins' cigarette smoke across the tops of buildings, and she saw the faint glimmer of the strangest stars, peeking through the pollution.

"Yeah. Maybe the East Village will be the new Upper East Side," Maureen sighed. Collins smiled.

"Let's hope not."

"I don't think we have anything to worry about," Maureen replied. And as she looked at Collins and at the sleeping forms of her friends, her lover, her children… Maureen got the feeling that they might have things to worry about…

But a certain guardian Angel might help them out from time to time.


End file.
